I apologise in advance if this is a tad vague, I just can't go too specific or I will identify myself or those involved and I am not here for that whatsoever..
A also feel I need to start with mentioning that I make a habit of keeping to myself and minding my business. I usually don't have the patience or energy for other people's bull shit. This time is different...
A few weeks ago my child told me about something that happened at school. This was entirely unprompted, my child wasn't involved they just witnessed it all, so they have absolutely no reason to lie.
What my child said in terms of this incident seemed plausible and from where I was sitting as an impartial and unbiased outsider, like it was purely an accident. Just one of those things that happen in life!
Now, a few weeks pass, I'd put the whole thing out of my mind when suddenly the parents of the child involved have become very vocal about taking the matter to police, taking legal action against the school, going higher to the Ed Dept. Possibly even to the media.
(I'm also about 90 percent sold that they intend to follow through and that these aren't just empty threats).
Now, where it gets sticky and relevant to the point of my question is that their version of events entirely contradicts my child's version of events in some parts and appears heavily exaggerated in the rest.
My concern is that a teacher and other members of staff relevant to the incident may face disciplinary action or could even potentially be fired over an outright lie or something that has been blown way out of proportion.
I feel as though I am obligated in a sense to put forth the information that I received about the incident as people's livelihoods and reputations are on the line here.
However, on the other hand I'm wondering if I really want to involve myself in this?
Do I want to involve my child in this?
This family are "well connected" if you catch my drift, it would be very easy for them nor would they think twice about making my life very unpleasant if I get in their way!
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Do I do what's right or what's easy?
Do I go with self preservation/safety and sacrifice my integrity and moral code in the process?
Or do I listen to my core values and open a can of worms that I can't close and that has the ability to turn our whole life upside down (in more ways than one).
NB. The child involved is physically fine, I cannot make comment on the child emotionally as I simply don't know but overall appears to be their usual self. Also, allegations here are NOT in any way alluding to sexual or physical assault.
Just felt that needed to be mentioned.
13 Replies
Yes just contact the school and offer to make a statement regarding your child's version of events as told to you back then. Tell people the school made you 'just write down what was said as if you have no idea how important that might be.
And be ready because the school may well not want it any way, they will weigh involving the child versus how reliable/unreliable their version could be anyway.
Can you post an anon letter to the school and Ed Dpt?
I would tell the school what your child said to you. If this person really makes these claims and teachers loose their jobs etc you would feel more guilt. You can simply report what your child witnessed and possibly other parents will come forward too and back your child’s version. It also might stop the person going to police etc if they feel they that there are witnesses going against what they are saying happened. You don’t have to go to court because by you speaking up, this might stop it going any further. You can let the school know you aren’t prepared to go to court etc at this stage . Good luck
I would just offer to say your side. Get the school to note down that your child was a witness and happy to talk to the authorities as needed.
No need to let anyone know what you said, the moment you start ‘disagreeing with the story’ to people, that’s when Chinese whispers comes into play and things can go bad for you
The only people who need to hear what you have to say are the police, or any lawyers. If it’s just media, let that go, it won’t help and they could cherry pick your statement to prove their point.
I probably would have approached the school straight away so that it is on record, either in person or via email: ‘my child has come home and said they saw xyz happen. I’ve got no reason to suspect my child of lying. I just want you to be aware they saw it’. The school could have then had a chat with your child and put it on record. Now that it’s however many weeks later, your child’s memory may not be as reliable. But! I would still approach the school now. ‘My child came home a few weeks ago and said they saw xyz happen. I didn’t think too much of it at the time but I’ve since heard this want you to be aware of what my child told me at the time of the incident’.
I would definitely be speaking the truth. This is a persons career and livelihood if they get in trouble it could cause them issues in the future.
If they are 100% on going to the police and your child knows of something different then it will all come out in the end.
Email or call the school and request to remain anonymous. Absolutely detail what you have been told. It might save many reputation and heartache
Hi, I have been in a similar situation to yourself.
Not involving a child. But a mum was slandering the teacher all over Facebook.
I took it to the teacher involved and let her deal with what she thought was best for her and I told her it was in confidence and gave her the proof.
Then the mum decides to take to Facebook again saying who ever dobbed her in to own up. I never owned up I honestly wouldn’t call her a friend. The sad thing is that a lot of people felt sorry for her and that worried me because those people commenting feeling sorry for her.. thought it was ok for her to slander the teacher.
I think a few narrowed it down to me. I’m not sorry that I did it and I would do it all over again.
Depends on how much pull they have and if you actually wish to have your life destroyed . As the person who did the right thing I wouldn't bother e er again.
Always do what you think is right, not easy.
It wouldn’t be the easy way out anyway as you would be eaten up emotionally if further action is required.
Can I also say, I’m a teacher and these types of parents “I’m going to the department” are so annoying. Stop being a bully and try to figure it out first.
For gods sake, we’re trying our damn best right now under really testing conditions, I bet the school are well aware of her and her bullshit anyway.
Send an email stating facts only to the principal. You only really have heresay of the child. If the school needs more info they will contact you. Changes are they probably wont. Schools have a wonderful legal team and teachers are protected with their union. It would also be very hard for someone to prove false allegations as there is always someone watching in a school.
Get your child to write down the facts of the incident and hand it to the principal. Request that your child remains anonymous.
I can only imagine that if your child finds out that teachers lost their job because of this, they would also feel awful for knowing the truth and it wasn't revealed.
I would feel like I had to say something. Or also sets the example for your child that there is a time to stand up and say what you saw. You can probably ask for your child’s name to be kept ‘off record’ so to speak.
Regarding the other family and their influence, I do very much get your drift, and have known these people as well and unfortunately, they often go about things in the way they do because they are left unchecked.