I've resorted to writing a daily diary, and taking photos. But I feel like I have a selectively bi-polar or opposites husband? Like, the facts show, that when I cook, I clean... When its his turn to cook, he orders takeout, or he cooks, and I clean. Yet the past two days, the first thing he says is "you're so f&cking messy" - meanwhile its his dishes in the sink?
He says he does everything, but as facts show, he does nothing, after four years of busting my butt as the breadwinner and mother, whilst he sits on his butt on the games, I called him a bludger, and couch potato - I don't like name calling, I held my tongue and remained civil for four years, and I even said it politely.
He doesn't apply for his jobs, I do. He says he nails his interviews, and never gets the job.
Today, I had it. Im a positive, forgiving person, but he hasn't left the couch, ive done the washing, cooked dinner, cleaned, completely culled and cleansed our childs toy collection... and he had the hide to say he does everything he says he will do.
Meanwhile the two things he said he'd do today, take the dogs out, and get back to a tenant - he hasn't done, for the past 10 hours.
Help!
Am I expecting too much? - to just want to wake up, be happy, and not cop negative speech first up every morning from a person who does nothing?
Has anyone been through this?
Note, I'm always kind, always a yes person - and even a family friend noticed the double side of him the other day and said something.
10 Replies
Jesus! He's a narcissistic, gaslighting asshole who will not lift a finger around your house. Get rid of him.
Why are you with him?
I’d have been out of there 3 years ago!
Your expectations are far too low, I expect more from my teenage son.
You are e xpecting that the answer is for him to get up and change. The actual answer, so youre not going through this anymore and can live in peace is to leave him. He doesnt make you happy. Actually he actively, frequently makes you unhappy.
The fact that you think this is bi-polar, shows you have never actually had to deal with someone that has it. He sounds like a perfectly “normal” lazy arsehole that expects you to look after him like the giant man child he is
Agree.
This isn’t what bipolar is.
Bipolar disorder is characterised by depressive episodes alternating with manic episodes. It used to be called manic depression.
He’s not bipolar, he’s a c’nt.
This 👌
Please do not look for excuses to justify his behavour. He is lazy pure and simple. Honestly it would probably be less stressful and a more positive environment for your child and yourself if you left him.
I think you have the wrong idea on bipolar, your husband is more likely a narcissist dick. He is gaslighting you by saying look what i do, then criticises all the work you have done from his arm chair. I bet everyone out side the home thinks he is great which adds to the pressure of what do you do?
My view is if you hate living this way, don't feel respected or heard. then you have a decision, live this way or do something to change it. I would probably try a conversation and tell him you need more or you will have to become independent from his BS. Then make a call on what you want.
Yeah, not bi polar, just projecting. He knows he's all those things that he's accusing you of being but, sub consciously or not, he's putting it back on to you. I totally understand how this would make you feel like you are going crazy.