Hi Sisterhood,
I just want some advice.
I've noticed my Mr 4 has had a recent change in behaviour and I believe it is stemming from my husband working extremely long hours, always answering emails and taking calls out of hours, even on his days off and late at night.
My son is as acting out, having tantrums, more emotional and less resilient over things.
I'm really hoping for some suggestions or your experience with this.
I know my husband is working hard, but it's just creating an unhappy situation at the moment. I miss him myself.
Overworked husband and upset son
Overworked husband and upset son
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
3 Replies
Communication! You need to talk to hubby. Explain to him that while you appreciate how hard he is working, particularly in these uncertain times, but he needs to start prioritising time with you and your son every day or potentially it could affect your marriage. I’m not saying leave him but if he’s not willing to discuss changing his priorities and making an effort to show he is trying to change, you need to decide how long you’re willing to let this continue on for. It also can’t be good for his health to focus so much on work, without taking time to relax and spend time with his family.
I would be careful with how you approach this. I'm not sure what line of work your husband is in but things are very difficult and stressful at the moment in a lot of areas. I'm not sure where you are from either but I assume every country's economy is uncertain at the moment. My husband is in the construction industry and while he has so far not lost any hours he is very stressed and worried that the work will slow down in the coming months as it has started to for many of the other businesses around him. His solution is to work as many hours as he possibly can now and try and get as far ahead on bills and savings as he can to cushion the blow when it happens. In his mind he is doing his absolute best for his family long term and the short term pain of 12 hour days 6 days a week is worth it. (he would do 7 days but I put my foot down because he was running himself into the ground) If you push too hard he might feel unappreciated and it will add to his stress. Perhaps ask for small things like he needs to be present without his phone for a family dinner time and then maybe read a bedtime story to your child. Or one afternoon/day on the weekend is family time and you all do something together.
I can relate to this, my husband is a builder and when he isn't at work he was chasing the next job or the funds from the one last finished. It never ended and when my kids where little he would take on cash jobs so we had spare cash which we needed. we all missed him dearly. I think the difference is most women would trade money for time but men have this inbuilt need to provide. We created family funday sunday. one day where work chores and all the other everyday crap was parked. the kids decided and we went on adventures, parks, beaches, bush walks , ferry rides, train trips (obviously now working with what you can with covid) we found it wasn't the days but real time, connected time. Other days we would spend more and go to the zoo, or flash lunch what ever the littl people could think of. and normally finished the day with a milkshake and a donut. It didn't fix the work or money stress (which is worse now with covid) but carved out time we all looked forward. It was purposeful and rewarding.
as of now we have primary aged school kids and he is still working ultra hard now to save for the just in case, as when the economy slows building will too down the track, and takes a lot longer to kick off so might need to cut him some slack, talk to him.
Good luck