A burden problem
Hello
I’m here because I’m sick and tired of this same re-occurring problem with the husband, every time our son asks him can he go around to the park and kick the ball his dad says no or says I’m doing the car (the car spends more time in the shed then on the road) but kids and I don’t stop him from working on it, but I’m sick and tired of seeing my son be let down when asks his dad to kick the ball at the park, it upsets me, his father then goes on and says things to me when I confront him about it, goes and turns things on to me, then after the argument which I bloody hate so much, he goes and take him, it’s always like that, then he comes back and he’s like babe or honey etc, I tell him stop this, because this isn’t right, why can’t it be good, just why, why does it have to be a argument, I hate he tells me I can’t do that or know your not when I say I need time away from him, why I need it is because it’s been a ongoing issue, if I want to stay in a marriage that has to be a argument and then success or leave because it hasn’t stopped, I’m so sad about this.
4 Replies
My two partners, past and current were not hands on dads with our kids. I cannot stand the constant amount of men who take no initiative to do anything with their own kids. It's one of the first acts of this type of family disrespect that breaks down marriages as the wife starts resenting him for ignoring his children and once resentment sets in, it's very hard to come back from it. If he isn't interested now, he never will be. Trust me on this. They may get slightly better as their children age, but there is always that ongoing lack of interest.
And who will feel it most eventually? The kids do. And believe me, your partner will have to deal with that backlash from his own kids when it happens when they're older.
And believe me again , its not IF, its WHEN. He will be hearing it from his own son some day about his constant disinterest. And by then his relationship with his son will already be fractured due not not giving a shit to be his 'father'.
I have told him that it’s causing a tear with what he’s doing/does, he just says no it’s not, I just hate how it has to be a argument first always and then goes and take him and the other kids to the park, I hate that he speaks about me to the kids for speaking to him and of course a argument happens, it’s stupid, it doesn’t make it feel good, it’s just makes me want to leave, and just take them myself.
They ask their dad to go around to the park is because they want more dad time so they can kick the ball or play tennis at the court.
He is disrespecting you by telling the kids that you’ve argued because you’ve spoken to him about spending time with the kids. He is teaching your kids it is ok to disrespect the person you are supposed to love. If you want to try and save your marriage then tell you want the two of you to attend marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you’ve got your answer. From what you’ve written, it sounds like he doesn’t see anything wrong with how he treats you.
This breaks my heart. My husband is saddened by the fact he doesn’t get enough time to do those things with our kids as he works such long hours. As soon as he walks in the door he is on and doing as much as he can! So hard... maybe you just step up and go kick the ball with your son. Maybe you can be his hero.
You can’t be held responsible for someone else’s inaction...