Sorry, this is a long post. And I hope it makes sense...
I'm seeking advice and guidance from parents with similar experience, please only comment with helpful advice and no judgement. I'm already beating myself up about this!
I'm having alot of trouble with my son at the moment. He's in his early teens and it seems each week is getting into more and more trouble both at school and outside of school. I'm at my wits end and have no idea how to nip his behaviour in the bud.
Half the time he refuses to go to school and when he does go, he walks out half way through the day. I recently found a home made bong (unused), some tobacco, a condom and few other items in an old bag of his. He leaves home whenever he pleases. He is withdrawn and disengaging from family, hobbies, school, etc. Tonight we had a visit from the police regarding bullying and disrespecting another child's property. He is disrespectful to me and his siblings. On more than 1 occasion he has been busted drinking alcohol with his friends (stolen from friend's parents).
I've tried everything I can think of, from talking with him and giving him the opportunity to open up about how he's feeling and why he's acting so out of character, grounding, disconnecting internet, taking devices including phone, I've tried to get him re-engaging in his hobbies, I've tried with support from the school to give him half days and some home schooling (he then refuses to do any work at home), school social worker, counseling outside of school, GP.
GP thinks he has anxiety and has referred him to a paediatrician. He has a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD but refuses to take medication (I'm hoping to try meds again once we finally see the paed).
It's been a tough couple of years. I've been studying a very consuming course, his father and I have separated- home life has been rough for some time now, and let's face it, Covid has been hard on us all too. I can empathize with him and try so hard to be understanding but he just won't open up to me or anybody else, he pushes everyone away.
The police asked if I would consent to them passing his name onto a police liaison who works with the school, so we'll try that too.
I know the teenage years are difficult for kids and parents, I don't expect perfection but I'm worried if he continues down this path, what his future will be. I'm just lost and feel like I'm banging my head up against a wall at the moment. Any advice is welcome, particularly if you've experienced similar. If you made it this far, thank you so much!
Terrible Teens
Terrible Teens
Posted in:
Mental Health, Teenagers, Aspergers & Autism
14 Replies
Small tasks, clear agreements and consequences for his actions. But his side has to be achievable in his eyes, and he needs a lot of love and connection to go with the clear boundaries and consequences.
Thank you! That's a good point you make about setting achievable goals...
Can he live with Dad? I know that sounds like a cop out but a change can do him good, especially if he sees dad as the authoritive parent. Once you get to this point anything is worth a go. We also tried a demerits system with my stepson to get him at school so he starts with $50 a week and loses $15 every day he doesnt go to school, this has worked better than we imagined and now have to fork out $50 a week to make him go to school 🤣.
Living with dad isn't an option, but it has definitely crossed my mind.. Just not a good environment there.
The demerit system however, is absolutely worth a try. Thank you for sharing!
Head space in your area?
Sending you love x
No headspace. Although I have tried face to face counseling previously and he refuses to go after the first few appointments. Might be worth a try with a mental health hotline though, thank you ☺️
Put your course on hold. He needs your time and lots of it.
Headspace for sure. Distance him from any friends which are not an asset to him. Nothing is going to be a quick or easy fix. He needs your time. I’d be discussing ODD and maybe even borderline personality disorder with a psychiatrist.
I'm 2 weeks off completion. I've battled with so much guilt regarding this and constantly doubt whether I've made the right decision to continue my studies. I'm hoping for some more guidance from the paediatrician. Is a psychiatrist something she would refer us to? Or do you think I should get referral from our GP?
If you are so close just finish it. GP can give you the referral (paed also can). You need more assistance than just a psychologist at this point.
If you are so close just finish it. GP can give you the referral (paed also can). You need more assistance than just a psychologist at this point.
How old is he?
13 😓
Have you taken him to a psychologist? Is there an underlying reason?
Have you considered sport? Or local boxing club? Something where there is some positive mentoring and also an outlet to let off steam.
Good luck mumma
I have been living this for 2 years now. Ive begged everyone for help and nobody will help. He has to consent to getting treatment. Spent a small fortune on doctors/psychologists and he says what they want to hear and does what he wants as soon as he walks out. He had the most promising future in a sport and has thrown it all away to smoke weed and be with his girlfriend. He refuses to come home and I cant make him come home. Called the police and nothing. Its a living nightmare. He was raised good but got into the wrong crowd and it went downhill from there.i still dont understand how it all went so wrong but mental health and the law taking parents rights away to get their child help withour their consent has made it impossible to fix this. He had the best role models, best coach and nothing has helped. Everyone is still trying but he wont listen.