My ex husband & father of my kids, has been given a crappy small old car, in exchange for some work he done for a friend. It’s un registered as of next month. He’s Now given it to our 16 yr old son saying it’s his and all he has to do is Rego it. Our Son has recently started working full time and earning decent money & we (hubby & I) have been putting a lot away each week for him to purchase a car next year before he gets his Ps, that is practical for his trade & will be a great head start for him, paying cash & avoiding finance.. he’s aiming for a later model Ute for tools etc. we have a goal and have spoken to our son about it and he’s on board. Until then we have 2 family cars he is driving at our house .. and in my opinion we don’t need another car here to maintain and ultimately have to put rego on when he has been learning in our cars anyway. His dad got cranky and made him feel bad by saying things like ‘well you can’t say I didn’t try’ etc when my son told him we didn’t need another car here ... but thank you he really appreciated the thought.
In my opinion off loading an unregistered impractical car to a 16 yr old to sort out isn’t really a thoughtful thing to do. He didn’t pay for it, He didn’t consider the practical side at all. Poor son feels terrible. Am I in the wrong for declining this offer? I feel like it just wasn’t thought out to well and we weren’t consulted at all. Considering the rego would then all be upto us etc with my son being to young. Thoughts? Opinions? I feel bad but at the same time I feel like we made the right choice.
Need opinions regarding sons first car dilemma
Need opinions regarding sons first car dilemma
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
12 Replies
My friends and I would have been over the moon to get this car when we were 16. We would have happily paid the rego ourselves (with our work money).
I don’t understand why your son can’t use it until you guys can afford the better car.
This sounds like a really petty fight to me. What’s the difference between a 3rd car now or later?
I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Getting the car roadworthy (assuming you need to do so before transferring the rego) could be costly and time consuming and ongoing maintenance on a car of unknown history could be difficult.
IMO no one gives up a car that easily.
All of that said, and not knowing what your ex is like, ex-hubby's heart might have been in the right place and it might have been his (misguided) way of trying to provide for him. I'm in my late 30s and when I was learning/first driving my friends and I all had shitheap cars that were very cheap and lots of my friends cars would have been unroadworthy and were always breaking down. He might have figured it was good enough for him, etc.
A nearly out of rego, probably unroadworthy and unsafe car is “good enough” for a child to be driving with limited experience behind the wheel if anything was to go wrong. Not a chance.
Sorry, maybe I didn't write it properly - ex-hubby may have had that whole thing growing up, purchasing a shit heap car and working on it etc and figured since that's what he did then it was good enough for him.
I wasn't endorsing it, simply offering a possible insight into Dad's POV.
Personally, my dad controlled every decision made around vehicle purchases when we were learning to drive, and well into our 20s and 30s - he was a mechanic by trade and always ensured our cars were safe and running well. They may not have looked like much, and he always favoured the well known, reliable makes, maybe a few extra km on them but mechanically sound and safe, over the newest. Over 20 years later, and 10 years in the automotive industry myself, his influence still impacts my decisions around cars.
Is this a way of giving him a shit heap so he can take the money back that has been being put aside because son now already has a car?
I don't think you read it properly
Sorry, I miss read where you wrote hubby and you. I read it as you and your ex have been putting money away. Either way it’s up to your son. Does he want the shit box, that will most likely be a money pit or would he like to wait and buy something decent
I’d advise son to tell the shitbox for whatever he can get for it and put the money towards a decent and reliable car.
It’s up to your son. If he doesn’t want it because he has he mind set on something else then he needs to tell his dad that. Just because someone wants to give you something does mean you have to accept it.
I understand both sides of this.
My ex bought my two older kids cars when they were only on their L's. They didn't ask for the cars, my ex made sure everyone knew he bought the cars with sm photos. Then told the kids they had to pay him back and have the cars in their names. One of my kids was on their L's for 4 years! So 4 years of paying for rego etc on a car they never used.
The other side is, I know what it's like to be the outsider parent. To give your kid something you think they will love only for them to not want it because the other parent is getting something better.
Taking both experiences in, I suggest you and Dad both back off. You said yourself he's on good money so I think he could save his own money for a decent car and you could offer to match his savings. But it shouldn't be you buying the car or deciding what car he gets. It sounds a bit controlling too to be honest. I have a 16 and 18 year old at home and on average wages for their age, my 16 year old saves 90% of his income and my 18 year old saves 50% plus pays board, so I see no reason why he can't save his own money if he's on higher than average wages. They seem to look after their vehicles better when they have paid for it themselves and picked out exactly what they want too.
So much this! He’s 16, I can understand the wanting to help him purchase a car, but surely you’d just give some guidelines and a budget but then it’s on them to decide what car would be appropriate.
If it’s a heap of shit it’s probably unsafe and unlikely to pass rego. If I’m wrong rego it, use it and then sell it next year when he buys the new car. If I’m right, return it and remind him of the need for your son to have safe and reliable transportation.
My ex did the same to my eldest. We took it to my mechanic who reported it and had it taken off the road. It was good because it took the heat off my son for refusing to drive an unsafe vehicle.