My son won’t let me help him clean his bedroom.
He’s 14, and his room is utterly filthy. I’m not talking socks and jocks on floor, bowl of cereal under the bed. This kid refuses to clean until he has rubbish piled around his bed, IN his bed, food and drink spilt on the floor and it is a health hazard.
I usually go and clean it once a month and he loses his cool because I’ve invaded his personal space.
I understand the need for personal space and privacy.
He does not understand the need for cleanliness and hygiene.
He was out with friends yesterday afternoon.
So I went in and cleaned.
He often has friends over in his room and they just leave crap laying around too.
This time, his bedsheets were filthy, there was BBQ sauce in his bed, bowls and wrappers in his bed as well as on the floor and everywhere else. There are cans of soft drink and water bottles tucked down the side of his bed, open and spilled on his mattress.
A mate had bought over a 6 pack of beer, so there were beer bottles half empty, split on the floor, mixing with the general filth, food and grime. This mate had also spewed up on the floor and had thrown a towel over it.
Needless to say I wasn’t bloody impressed!
Son came home and went off because I had washed and dried his sheets, changed his mattress for a spare one, thrown out the rubbish and gotten most of the way through cleaning the floor.
I explained to him that it’s unhygienic, he can get sick, and he said he hasn’t gotten ill yet and probably won’t, it’s a hazard with things on the floor and it smells gross. Didn’t care, just wanted me out and to never do it again.
I told him if we allowed the cat to be in conditions like that, it’d be animal abuse, so this is not ok for him to live like it.
Oddly enough he is the first to make sure the cats bowl is spotlessly clean.
What would you do??
Grotty kid
Grotty kid
Posted in:
Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
19 Replies
I’d be banning his friends from coming around for a set period of time. I would be increasing supervision, there would be hell to pay in my house.
You earn the right to privacy, and your son hasn’t earned his. There would be a daily cleaning schedule.
No food or drinks in bedrooms. Clean room once a week otherwise no friends over or confiscate phone until it’s done. Perhaps do it the same time each week - Sunday afternoon? Beers in the bedroom at 14 is a real concern.
I’ve told him the boy who bought the beers around is no longer welcome and I’ve told the boys mother too
At the end of the day it’s your house so your rules. He is a child and doesn’t get to dictate what rooms you can and can’t clean. If he wants to live like a vile animal then he can do so when he can afford his own home. I would be putting a stop to food and drinks I’m the bedroom and beers at 14?. If he is that against you going in there he could always clean it himself.
I’ve told him the friend with the beers can’t come around and I’ve let the mother of that boy know about the beers also
I’m getting the impression that your child maybe hiding something if he reacts that way to you going into his bedroom. The beers prove that is not capable of making good choices, so I would be going through everything else he owns with a fine tooth comb
I did do. I checked his drawers, his school bag and his whole room. Nothing else bad except those beers.
In my house he'd have 2 uniforms, two sets of normal clothes, 2 pairs of shoes and bedding. Nothing else including no door until he proved he could keep a reasonable room, and I don't mean spotless but at least not a vermin hotel. No food or drinks permitted, every breach earns another week of nothing. A good week of obeying the rules earns something else back, whether that's more clothes or whatever you deem fit.
It's a very late lesson in life, he's going to buck hard against it but be firm.
Hahahahaha my mother used to take my door as punished for slamming it 😂 it used to drive me insane not having one. I now use that same punishment for my kids. It’s drives them insane just as much as it did to me
Hes walking all over you. How dare he be such a grub AND dare speak to you like that about it. Pull his head out of his arse, big time. Seems like he doesnt even realise or expect that its your house, and hes your kid, you set the rules.
I might even empty his whole room and fumigate it. Itll need carpet cleaning. He can take his mattress outside and wash it. Then when it dries he can find somewhere to put it to sleep for a week. No room. No friends over. No mess. Packing it up daily and setting it up each night.
He can scrub walls, clean carpet, wash sheets and clothes, dishes, organise drawers. Then he can move back in with new expectations. And if he dared come at me with attitude, or if it sat outside not being cleaned, it would go in the bin and he'll have nothing.
Oh hell no. NO. nope.
That's vile, and that's saying something - I have 4 boys and a husband at home. Large plack rubbish bags. Every goes in them. Everything. Door comes off. Fuck that. Such disgusting disrespect has no place in a household. I would never allow our 16yo to disrespect me like that.
I'm pissed off on your behalf.
You really need to have more of a backbone with him. Door off, no food, drink or friends in the room. Take away his electronics if he plays. FORCE him to take off his sheets and get rid of rubbish, stand there and tell him exactly what to do. Also don’t allow underage drinking in your house as you’re the one that gets the fine for it
Does he suffer anxiety and depression? As both these could affect his ability to maintain a clean room but also be responsible for his response when you’ve entered the room and cleaned it?
I only ask as if he did / does, some of the advice listed could be damaging.
If that’s ruled out, I’d talk as a family - list expectations regarding room care and negotiate a little, having some say may make him more responsive and accountable. I’d then follow through with the consequences.
A great tip I was given when dealing with teens is take 10 years of their age and that’s kinda what you’re dealing with. A 4 year old trying for independence and throwing a tantrum
Remove his door
If he wants personal space he can put in the effort to keep it clean if he wants his door and personal space back. Change the wifi password so you can still use it and he can't. And don't give it back to him till he can stop living like a slob.
You - parent...him- child!!
Set some rules...no eating in room for 1
I made my teen tidy once a week then I gave everything in there a good wash n clean and Glen 20..otherwise it smelled! It all sounds gross! Good luck mumma!
I had this issue with my stepson when he came to live with us.... he couldn’t believe at 15 he needed to be responsible for his belongings and keeping his things clean and help do chores. My 10 year old son showed him how to do his washing and make his bed as his sisters had shown him how to do it. We had a no food in bedrooms and only a water bottle for drinks rule. He wouldn’t have a bar of it though. I cleaned up one day and was totally yelled at for invading his space, well I had to go in there to retrieve my plates, bowls, cups and Tupperware containers because I had no spare ones, but he didn’t care. I took pics and showed his dad who had a talk to him. Nothing changed. In attempt to clean up he’d put it all in a garbage bag and in the bin! He’d take his wet clothes from the washing machine and drape around his room to avoid hanging on the line, needless to say they’d not dry properly and smell. He’d arrive home with about 10 friends and raid the cupboards and go binge in his room. Hubby and I didn’t back down. I turned power off to his aircon because he’d have it on 16 degrees, not turn it off when he went out and be dressed in jumpers and blankets when in his room. After 18 months he gave up and went back to his mums and whinged to her about having to do his own washing etc... I went from cool step-mum to totally evil. I had to throw out all of his bedding and fully shampoo clean his carpet. He was smoking pot and we believe started doing other drugs too, he denied it and even when we found marijuana in his school bag he denied it was his. Definitely mental health issues going on with him. Now he’s almost 19 and full time apprentice doing really well and off the drugs, apparently his friends were to blame for that, we know different though. My now 14 yr old is a bloody dream in comparison.
For starters, his friends are clearly a bad influence and id be banning them from coming into YOUR home. 14 and drinking beer!!!!!!!! Totally unacceptable! And as for your son, what a disgusting pig. Stop allowing him to take food to his room. They’re your dishes, you don’t want them ruined. Make him get a job and pay for his own food and dishes. You really need to put your foot down and stick to it.
I absolutely would not be letting him be the one that is offended here. You found beer in a 14 year old room.
I would consider removing his door until he can prove he can keep it clean, otherwise you will do it.
Your house, your rules.