I feel like I’m at Breaking point. I’m all alone through this and it’s really starting to take its toll..
My two eldest kids fight non stop. From the second they wake from the second they go to sleep. The eldest 12 literally started a fight with my 7 year old today because she was putting a lid on a box!!!
I have honestly tried EVERYTHING. I don’t know what to do but I just NEED it to stop.
I feel like crying all day everyday, I’m constantly yelling now because I’m so stressed and well being calm isn’t working.
I don’t want to be around them anymore which upsets me more bro don’t want them to feel unloved!
My head and heart hurt. I need help!
5 Replies
I rarely do it, but I let my boys see me have a meltdown when I can’t take their fighting or attitudes anymore. I yell. I cry. I slam doors. They know that if I get to this point, I can’t take anymore and they need to pull their heads in. When I calm down I will sit down with them, apologise and explain why I’ve had the meltdown and what I need from them, in terms of behaviour or attitude, to prevent it from happening again. I’ve done it maybe 3 or 4 times in the past 5 years. My boys are 15 and 13.
Yep, they need to see we are human too, and sometimes their behaviour really upsets us
Mine went through this in lockdown, couldnt be near each other for 2 seconds. I eventually banned them from being alone together, so they missed out on movies and fun nights for a bit.
I figured out the dynamic and gave each one tools. (Eldest has zero patience and goes from 0 to screeching, youngest does everything to annoy eldest) so I rode youngest for a while, and I gave eldest tools, like 3 calm warnings, patience like you have for other peoples young siblings, come and tell me. Talked to them both alone about being a good sibling and what that is.
Made sure I was there for their time together, and ride their behaviours and praise when theyre good and nice to each other.
And when finished, set them apart and even remind them why they cant play together, because they 'dont do what youre asked' or 'scream and lose your mind'.
Then slowly, they can continue to play the game or watch the movie without me, as long as they continue to get on.
They actually began after a while to secretly play secretly and quietly together, which worked because they had to get along or be away from each other to stay quiet.
I read something about 12 year olds, and apparently them picking on younger siblings is common behavior at that age.
My 12 and 11 year old are at each other’s throats constantly. Add my 6 year old to that and it never ends.
Like if we all get in the car and I run back inside to get something I’ve forgotten I can hear them (and the whole neighborhood probably) screaming and carrying on at each other.
It’s ridiculous.
Your not alone.
Let them see you cry go lay in your room shut the door and don’t come out until they realise what they are doing to you. I have done this and I hear them talking telling each other off for making me upset. They have got much better at it because I let them see what it was doing to me. I tell them they are making me sick, sad, angry and hurt after all I do for them. Also no treats, no technology, no nothing.