Just needed to try and ask for some sort of guidance. Trying to cut a really long story short. The father of my children is an alcoholic and drug user. (I have removed myself and my children, and even out a stop to visits at the house) I never wanted to be the mother that stops the children from weekend visiting but I’ve been left with no options, my children come first. The reason I write this is does anyone have any advice on FREE rehabilitation centres in NSW. My ex has no money, he lost his job just before covid burnt through both super payments, and is massive behind in his rent. I do have a little bit of savings, but I’d prefer to keep that in case if an emergency for my children. Can someone please point me in the right direction on how I can get him help, that’s not going to cost me all my savings. I want for my children to be able to see their dad healthy and stable, I need to try this at least I can say to them that I tried, even if he refuses or it ends up not working.
10 Replies
Contact ‘Lives Lived Well’ in NSW. They have a residential rehabilitation centre located in Orange. I’m unsure of the costs though. If that location is to far for you they will be able to help you link into another service for rehabilitation.
Sadly though living with a recovered user (one how used for most of over half relationship) if he doesn’t want help there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. We speak of rock bottom - the place a user needs to be before they have any desire to change. And that looks different for each person.
What’s his drug of choice? Some can be supported without rehab. My partner wouldn’t do rehab but did support groups and counselling. He felt that rehab would only allow him a greater connection to current users and so individual support worked best for him. He was addicted to both meth and weed. He’s been off meth for about 6mths and weed for 6weeks. The weed helped with the comedown of the meth but then caused massive issues between us because he was also high on weed, when he didn’t have weed he was worse than just a meth come down.
My advise: don’t pay for his treatment. Don’t give him an ultimatum. If he is actively using or drinking don’t let him see the children, especially if that’s a risk to you or them. You’d be hard pressed to find someone that would judge you harshly for protecting your children. Your ex will judge you, he will make horrible hurtful remarks - ignore these. He speaks in angry with an unhealthy mind.
Lives lived well also have family support, look into that for you as a family member with a loved one struggling with drug dependence issues. I had an amazing worker who made me feel normal and sane. My partner while using made me feel crazy and insane telling me lots of things that made me question my own self.
Good luck x
There are free dry out clinics, they are advertised in the front of the yellow and white pages. Also there used to be public hospital rehabs in NSW, he’d need to talk his GP.
Be aware though, they won’t take him unless he contacts them, speaks to them etc.
Start with GP or if he's already connected with a mental health service go through them. He will need a referral.
To be honest trying to find a free clinic might be near impossible. Do you have private health insurance? They allow you once in a lifetime to upgrade to top hospital to cover psychiatric hospital stays (which will be what he needs). It would give him somewhere to live and food etc whilst he gets clean. When my partner went down this track I increased our cover, took him to our GP (well prepared with a list of events etc) and pleaded our case for his help. He was voluntarily admitted to a private facility the next day. $250 excess and $420 per month PHI was all it cost me.
Without sounding harsh, you cant fix this for him. He needs to want to get better. He needs to be the one to do this himself. By doing this if he hasnt asked for help you risk pushing him further down the rabbit hole. At this stage i certainly would not offer any money to help and most certainly proctect the kids first and foremost.
This! If he wanted to change, he would be the one looking for a support service that meets his needs. Do not offer him any money!!!
Its noble, but dont put your money into it. You can say you tried by finding him the contacts. You really cant do any more than that without sinking yourself and your kids, and everyone knows it.
You can give him contacts, you can give him moral support and an empathetic ear.
What you can't give him is will, motivation or money.
Has he asked to get help? Because if he hasn't then don't waste your time, you can't help someone who doesn't want to get help. If he has then great, he can go to his gp and get help through them.
Recovering from an addiction takes time and usually a few relapses.
He is an adult he can organise this himself, you have children who need you to look after them and you need to look after yourself.
Good luck
The Salvation Army have residential rehabilitation centers all over Australia. They are extremely affordable (job seeker payment). And offer educational & mental health support to understand their addiction.
Keep yourself & your children safe but Don't give up on him.