In the midst of trying to work out visitation for a breastfed newborn.
I know this is something I should be discussing with him, and I will I’m just at my wits end because even trying to update him about how my pregnancy is going he just doesn't care, he constantly text to say how is the baby so it’s down in writing he has asked and not once has asked how I am. Even said on the phone recently he doesn’t need me to share the special moments or care how I am he just wants to know she’s healthy which is fine I guess but suggested I speak to his 8 year old daughter if I want to share as she would love to know!🤔🙄
A lot of my family and friends don’t agree with how he has treated me over the years so there advice is make life hard - which is a no win situation for anyone because despite of everything that’s happened and probably still to come in the next few months, it all means shit when a baby is involved.
How do you work out what’s fair? Unfortunately the father and I are at the point where we don’t want to even look at each other, obviously need to put that aside for what’s in the babies best interest which is forming a relationship with both parents.
Would suggesting 3 visits a week for 45 mins to an hour be unreasonable for the first few months until a proper schedule can be worked out and see how everything is going?
2 visits with that father and sibling and 1 just with him? ( which is doable as he has one day off a week while she is at school) I don’t want to seem controlling but I also want to see his interest in our baby without his daughter there as he’s made a few comments that concern me like if he didn’t already have his daughter her would kill him self as this baby is ruining his life, and that if it wasn’t for his daughter forming a relationship with our baby he would happily walk away.
Edit -
He does not expect to have a full day with the baby nor wanting one. He already stated he wouldn’t want her overnight either for the first year which is fine by me I personally won’t be pushing overnights till 18 months 2 years in that case unless she is emotionally ready.
**if they (father and daughter) are over to bath baby am I then excepted to feed them dinner with me and my 7 year old?
When he does finally take her for a few hours does he just bring her back when she needs a feed or am I suppose to pump for him? In that case does he need to buy me a pump?! As he hasn’t paid for anything else’s thus far.
So many minor things but where do you draw the line?!
6 Replies
Yes limiting his time to 3 hours or less a week is unreasonable. Babies can have expressed milk and or formula. Why can he not a the day he isn’t at work and one full weekend day.
A fresh newborn away from its primary carer for a full day 🤔🤔🤔 sounds ridiculous
A few hours a week while the baby is so young is totally fine. Especially when a newborn wake window is only about an hour.
Short frequent visits are what’s in the CHILDS best interest.
A court will not see it that way. Children can spend time with both parents. Just because she gave birth to this child does not mean she gets to dictate what happens. And as you said they sleep a lot, so does it matter if the baby sleeps at mums or dads place.
Thank you that’s what I thought she will not be away from me for that long!! He does not want our baby for a full day.. and to begin with he only wants to see her at my residence so I’m not dictating.
Sounds reasonable to me, would maybe make them longer than 45 minutes if going well, depending on feeding, up to say 2 hours. Start with what you said and see how it goes. Good
luck.
I was exclusively breastfeeding and my Bub went 2 days a week for 1 hour alone. That increased to 2 or 3 days 2 hours a time. 3 hours was the most I agreed too (and we went through court) until she was older. 2 years she went 1 night a fortnight.