This past year has been quite difficult for me, thanks to mental illness issues and problems within my marriage I found myself on the end of abuse by the hands of my husband. (Not physical but alot of verbal name calling and controlling, came to a point I couldnt even move from the lounge room to the bedroom without him watching). About a month ago my mother and sister came down to visit my newborn as they had another family member have an appointment in the city in which I live. I had made an arrangement to go see them or they come to my inlaws house, however due to the way of my living conditions I couldn't get out of the house to meet them. I tried up to the last minute to get out to see them and only had I exhausted my only options at the time did I say i could not come. Many might say why couldn't you just barge out with the kid to see them, well thing is I might of not even been able to bring the kids and husband would of made it hell to get back within the house. (Since It takes hours to enter my house and be washed up that's including the kids, did I really want to leave my newborn unattended but in safe spot when I am forced to take hours to clean up and then clean him off before it's acceptable that we are in the house). So I guess why am I asking am I the a** is, is this situation not being able to see them a big thing that one should be cut out from the family, like I don't even exist. Well supposly I can still talk to my mother but the rest of the family has moved on. I explained my situation and expressed my apologies for not being able to come and never said a bad thing when discussing why I couldn't come and so forth yet supposly yeah this is what I get. Did I have to be a victim of physical domestic violence to not be cut off? I just had to vent, another thing to add to this bad day. (I like to add that my inlaws are great and helping me through this situation as well trying to force their son to get help etc, it was never like this before this year so)
8 Replies
Yes you are in an extreme DV situation. Your in laws should be encouraging and helping you to leave.
Have you told your family that your husband is controlling and abusive? And that he in effect keeps your prisoner in your own home?
I don’t think you are an asshole at all. I think that you are in an incredibly dangerous situation and you need to be making plans to get out permanently with the kids.
I could see why your family would be really hurt, especially if they don’t know the actual details, I’d feel like you were making excuses and flaking on me, if I didn’t really understand what was happening to you.
You are in an abusive relationship. What youve described about the control is outrageous, noone should live like that. And one effect is that it makes it so hard for you to do things you want to do (like see friends and family) that you don't do it. And what happens is that those relationships break down and you become even more isolated.
This isn't about your family doing wrong. It's about the way you are living and the partner controlling you.
Poster here, I've known for a while partners behaviour wasn't correct was even seeing social work during my pregnancy but was silly and kept giving him too many chances to change. Kids and I are now in better environment not with him yet he knows where we are and that's fine and the family don't want to keep him from his kids but atm need to since don't want to have to call the cops on him. He can't look after himself well let alone the three kids or the one child he desperate to have with him. (Not happy he is playing favorites, he has 3 kids not 1)
Great job. Who doesn't want to keep him from his kids? It's the best thing, don't let others dictate what's right where that's concerned. You're right he's all kinds of wrong and won't be any good for the kids. You really need to cut contact with him and concentrate on moving yourself and kids forward. Call your family now and make amends and I'm sure they'll be there for you.
I’m glad you and the kids are safe.
Please get yourself some counselling to start undoing the damage caused. It can take a while before you are mentally free.
What ever you do, keep visitation to a supervised visitation centre until court orders are in place. He’s the exact type of person to take the kids and run. It would be years before you saw them again
Good to hear. Cut ties with him until he has proven to get help and can have visitation in a safe environment though docs. You don’t know what he is capable of now that you are out. Don’t contact him at all block him off. For your sake and the kids
Yes your poor family. The ones who are there and would support you and you couldn’t see them 🤦🏼♀️ I totally get the position you are in but you need to reach out, get help and get your kids far away from there. What are you thinking. Go with those who love and support you. Stop living with your kids in danger. Get out and get help now. There is help out there.