So my mother in law lost her husband (nicest man ever besides my dad) 8 years ago and won't move on, she comes to my home every Christmas Easter hubbies birthday and maybe 1 of the 4 kids birthdays we moved 5 hrs away to be able to give our kids a better life so I understand she wants to see them but this year takes the cake.
1. She turned up a week earlier than planned and is staying an extra 5 days on top
2. Her other son turned up at my house who won't have her at his and they sat and talked loudly about how lazy I am now im off work for 10 days, I work a full time job with 4 kids hubby doesn't work my job is demanding plus I have days off only because my boss is awesome
3. She undermines everything I say to my kids she just sits and expects everything to be handed to her then complains if the kids are too loud
4. We went out last night already expensive to do as a family of 6 but then expected me to pay, when we said I got paid early therefore its 3 weeks between pays she thinks we are well off tried to explain the food and bills alone kill us didn't change a thing, kids thanked us and appreciated it she said nothing and ignored us when we got home no thank you nothing.
Today to top things off miss 6 was having a tantrum because I sent her to bed it was 10pm way past bedtime for her and my mil said dont worry mummy is just grumpy and when you come to nannas I will let you stay up, like seriously wtf adults aren't meant to go against each other.
Hubby and I are over it we are fighting because of her and her attitude her other 2 kids don't want anything to do with her one turned up here because he wanted something now she won't shut up that omg he came to just see her, how do I bring up I dont want her here next Christmas? If she doesn't come here she will be alone but I need a break as it is she isnt leaving until the day before I go back to work so I really don't get a break that I need to get ready for a hard 2021.
We have tried to talk to her there is no point she acts like a 2 yr old and it isn't fair on our kids to cop her attitude what can I do before I just walk out of my own home?
Long rant about meddling MIL
Long rant about meddling MIL
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Behaviour, Money
11 Replies
Tell her she needs to leave if she cannot respect you in your house. Hubby needs to back you up. “Mum, this is our house, you need to go home, you’re not respecting us and thats not ok. Being treated like this in our own home is not ok. We do not treat you like this in your home. If you wish to be allowed back you need to fix your attitude!”
We have tried this she ends up being childish and upsetting our kids
Thats when you pack her stuff and call her a cab !!! The kids will calm down once shes gone and you can explain shes gone to big peoples time out!! Follow through or she will continue to walk all over you.
Next year you need to go on a cruise
My thoughts exactly lol
I wonder, has she always been an unpleasant woman or has she sort of developed into this mean spirited person after the loss of her husband?
Some older people are changed by the grief of losing their long time spouse.
My neighbor for example, she was a really nice woman before the loss of her husband a few years ago. Now she's quite a cruel woman with absolutely no filter that people avoid, which I'm certain would fuel her loneliness and makes her meaner.
(I also work in aged care and have seen this happen many times).
I'm not saying that you should just put up with her rudeness, just thought it might help to understand that losing a spouse isn't always something a person can "get over".
Your husband probably needs to be very real with her and say something along the lines of this:
Unless you want to spend every Christmas from now on alone, you need to respect our boundaries, respect and not undermine my wife, you need to stick to our agreed plans and you need to pay for your own meals. If you don't like that, stay in a hotel or don't come!
If she doesn't like those conditions and chooses not to come, that's simply a consequence of her decision that's completely on her.
I have a MIL who is similar, but in an abusive/self righteous way & unfortunately lives nearby. The ONLY thing that stopped her was DH (finally) telling her (& FIL) VERY firmly that they stopped the x, y, z behaviours & one disrespectful comment to me & they'd be cut off.
They protested, sulked, tried to attack my character. H had to say he didn't want to hear it, behave or else. I minimise contact. She still slips in bombs every now & then & I can see her itching to have a go at me over truly ridiculous things, but she knows the consequences.
Oh, don't do it with her other DS around to back her up. If she sulks, her problem. If needed, wait until she's about to go home/has gone home so she can't make your life difficult. It sounds very much like dealing with a child, but I've had 20 years of this sh*t & it's the only thing that works.
If your DH refuses, tell him she's not welcome at your house and he cannot ask you to put up with the insults & poor behaviour. He can visit her before Christmas but if she comes there you'll be taking the kids & going elsewhere.
How draining, I'm so glad my in-laws don't visit 🤣
You need to tell her once she leaves that she isn’t welcome back next Christmas. Stand firm and don’t let her push you around. That is so rude of her!
My sister kicked our mother out of her house when she started to bad mouth my brother in law.
She had to stay in a hotel room. Dad went to get her. She then put on one of her turns and took herself to hospital.
Drama queen city. She causes shit every where she goes.
Sometimes you just have to beat them at their own game.
1. Turns up early? Direct her to the nearest motel. Plans to stay later without asking? "That's a shame, we're going away on y day, that's why we'd organised with you to stay until x day. Did you want to book into a motel for the rest of your stay or change your ticket date?".
Do you have a close friend who can leave some things in the spare room and pop over to pretend they are staying in the spare room? You couldn't be expected to make up the spare room early if there's already someone in it. If she's too tight to pay for her own dinner then 5 nights in a motel in the peak price holidays might teach her to stick to agreed dates. Before time comes for her to leave start packing "holiday" bags like you're getting ready to go.
2. If they start state, "alright, let's go out for coffee, my shout." Usher them out the door, hand them $10, tell them they might appreciate the privacy of complaining about you elsewhere and lock the door.
3. You know what? Fuck her, pay the kids to be as feral as possible.
4. Know in advance where you're going for dinner, buy her a voucher for her dinner and a drink and make it her Christmas present. Don't go into explaining your finances, bills etc. First it's none of her business, second, you know she doesn't care.
Finally, when you get those little retorts like "don't worry about mummy, when you come to nannas you can....." simply reply with "if that's the case there will be no going to nannas I guess. As the parent I'll set the bedtime as I see fit and won't be undermined. "