My poor ex-husband and now good friend was seeing a lady who has genital Herpes. She was honest with him and told him there was no way he could catch it as long as they used condoms. They broke up and he’s just found out he now has Herpes Type 1. He’s devastated, wondering how he caught it as they had protected sex every time. Our worry now is about our 2 children. We know nothing about Herpes and there’s a lot of conflicting information out there. My main questions are:
- Will he now have cold cores or genital sores, or either?
- Can the kids catch it from him by sharing utensils, kissing on the lips etc?
- Should he always be cautious, even when asymptomatic, or only when he’s having an outbreak?
- Should we get our kids tested?
I appreciate any extra information on this please, thank you so much in advance.
9 Replies
You can find lots of info here; https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
However; your ex husband should also undergo HIV testing. Sounds extreme- but HIV can often hide behind the guise of the herpes simplex virus.
So, yes the children are likely to catch the virus if they Kiss on the lips (especially during an outbreak) or by sharing unwashed utensils. It’s not likely when an outbreak isn’t present; but it’s still possible.
Just extra caution.
The children do not need to get tested to my understanding, but if your concerned then definitely seek medical treatment.
Unfortunately, condoms aren’t very protective for genital herpes. They only protect a very small area and for many people there outbreaks are outside of that area, especially women. Ive always had my outbreaks on the outer area. Any rubbing of skin in that area during an outbreak would most likely cause me to pass herpes on.
It takes skin to skin contact to pass herpes on. So as long as your ex practices good hand washing (after touching his genitals etc) learns his warning signs of an outbreak (in case he has an outbreak other than in the genital area) then there is no reason to think the kids will get it.
It’s a good idea to chat to your GP, to get the facts because there is a lot of incorrect information.
It's also very likely he never caught them off her at all. Herpes can lay dormant for decades before symptoms even show up.
Many, many people have Herpes 1 in their system and the usual cold sores are easily treated although annoying. Definitely don't kiss when you have one of these but if not active then all good. As another poster said you can have this in your system dormant for years. I picked it up when travelling OS prior to having children. Just as you can pass thrush onto your children through birthing, you can also pass Herpes1 to your kids, but they don't necessarily ever have an event triggered... I find regular lysine/VitC tablets are proactive in stopping outbreaks and the most common triggers for me are change of climate from humidity to dry and being run-down. Get your ex to see his GP and do the Herpes2 test. He most likely is not carrying it at all.
There is no reason to get your kids tested and they won’t get genital herpes from there dad.
You can’t get it from toilet seats, cutlery or towels etc. it has to be skin to skin contact.
Herpes type 1 is cold sores! What’s the big deal? 80% of the population have that and it isn’t necessarily sexually transmitted. You can share a drink with your brother and get it
EDUCATION - most ppl have herpes its why you see so many ppl get coldsores. Did you know chicken pox is a form of herpes. There is more serious types that would cause concerns but simplex 1 you do not need to be freaking out. Please PLEASE go and talk to your GP and don't NOT google things which is only only going to increase your stress.
Your ex husband must already feel bad ( not educated about herpes) I suggest being supportive and positive. Also he is not going to spread heperes by sharing a drink or cutlery or giving his his a kiss unless he has sores ( the scores are what contagious) . Most importantly remember DO NOT FREAK OUT remain calm.
I got it from stealing my sisters lip gloss when I was a kid. I've only had a few cold sores in my life, even one up my nose, owch. Not sure why people freak out so much about it though and honestly surprised that his ex told him she had it because it's just so common. Unless she has alot of outbreaks or actually has type 2. Usually type 1 cold sores are only deadly in small children. My son hasn't caught it yet and he's 9. As far as I know. My sister is always careful and I haven't had one in 8 years.
My husband caught G.H from his ex partner. I have had Coldsores my whole life.
I have never caught genital herpes off my husband and we have children together now etc.
My husband is very vigilant when he has an outbreak, no sex, stays away from me, heaps of hand washing, won't change our daughters nappy just incase he hasn't washed hands properly or has scratched on autopilot.lol and he also takes valiclover from the doctors (prescription meds) to prevent and lesson "shedding" which also helps me with cold sore outbreaks so win! Lol
Essentially if your ex husband treats it the same as anyone else would with coldsores and doesn't touch, kiss, intercourse with anyone whilst he has an outbreak it should be fine. Also... he should probably tell any future partners before it gets sexual or he could be on a lot of trouble.