Mums,
I’m after some advice please.
I currently have a 3.5yr old daughter, I’m 37 in May and thinking about having another baby. Am I crazy??
I suffer from depression and anxiety and have no confidence in myself or my parenting skills.
I did lose 3 babies prior to my daughter being born.
My daughter is very loved and I would say she is happy and healthy.
I am morbidly obese and have an under active thyroid (I’m being treated for the depression and thyroid condition and under doctors guidance).
I didn’t cope very well when I had my first baby, I struggled with feeding and I had post partum depression amongst other things. I had quite a bit of help with my daughter. That help won’t be there next time.
I struggled with sleep deprivation so some days when my daughter napped I napped. How do you cope with sleep deprivation and 2 kids lol
My husband works away every 2nd week so I worry about how I would manage with 2 kids when he is away.
My daughter is off to Kindy next year.
I seriously struggle to keep on top of the house work as it is now. My daughter can be quite helpful at times and I think she will make a great big sister.
I don’t know if it’s normal but I struggle to get my daughter to sleep most nights, if we are not super active she just bounces off the walls until late. Tonight was after 9 before she finally fell asleep. I’m not the kind of person to just put her in her room and hope she falls asleep on her own, we have tried that and it didn’t go well in the past. I have a terrible time trying to stick to routines, I have tried many times.
How do you cope when you have 2 to put to bed lol
Especially in the early days when baby is still young how do you manage dinners? I will meal plan.
Is there any way I can prepare myself for having a newborn and a child? I don’t feel like I’m strong enough or capable. But I do want to have another baby. I may not be the best mum but I do love my daughter and will love another child.
How do you manage financially with 2 kids? I will go back to work eventually but I’m only casual.
So when my husband is home he will look after both kids.
When do you manage to get out of until house with 2 kids?
We do currently have our daughter in daycare but I’m not sure we will be able to afford both Kindy and daycare if I’m not working.
I do try to remind myself that so many other women seem to cope with similar situations to mine, I just have so much self doubt.
My own mother told me when my daughter was 6 months old that I shouldn’t have another child as I didn’t cope with the first.
I mean I know this is probably all normal stuff to other but for me my mind goes in to overdrive when I think about these things.
I know thats all over the place and I’m sorry, it’s taken me a few days to write this lol
Do you have another other tips on how to manage with 2 kiddos?
Please no nasty comments 🙏🏼
9 Replies
I wanted another baby, but I realised with my life (me being me etc) it wasn’t a good idea. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, but be very carefully abc take the emotion of the decision out of it (easier said than done).
My advice is don’t minimise what you find difficult and what you find easy. Think about how hard it is to get your daughter settled and keep up with things then add on feeding a baby every few hours, settling a baby (some babies require constant care, others are easier, you don’t know which until they arrive). Also take into account you will be on your own for some of this due to fifo.
Your older daughters desire to help with certain tasks needs to get ruled out as an asset. Kids at her age change dramatically and you can’t rely on a child to help, most kids are still unpredictable, and will have phases where there will be tantrums and refusals.
Start doing things as if you have two kids. Talk to your GP and mental health professionals about your last pregnancy and find out what plans you can put in place if things don’t go well etc. I’d also enrol in a parenting course, sounds like you need to improve your confidence and a parenting course will help solidify that you are a good parent.
Also your mum doesn’t sound very nice and I wonder if she has damaged your self esteem in some ways. Might be time to tackle that with a psychologist so you aren’t putting yourself down, and you can genuinely assess your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing your weaknesses is different to having low self esteem, because you recognise that you have other talents but also aren’t crippled by your weaknesses because you have the confidence to work on improving those.
Sounds like ur already talking urself out of having a second child. Maybe u should focus on urself first, get ur mental health in the right zone before u make any big decisions. If ur finding it hard now with one child maybe having another isnt a good idea. Sometimes as much as u want something u need to step back and really assess wether it's going to be good for u or not.
Sounds like you are still very much on the edge as far as whether to do it or not. It’s not easy. I had 3 under 5 and struggled with post natal depression with #1 and #3. I still struggle and my youngest is now 11.. Personally I’d give it more time simply because you can’t change your mind once they’re here. Good luck mumma xx
Sounds like you aren't sure yet and that's ok! I think you have a lot of doubts and you may regret it. I would hold off on having another and revisit the idea later. It's better to regret a child you didn't have than one you did have.
I ended up with one due to circumstances, but considering who I am as a person, I think it was for the best. Some people have six with no worries, but I know I couldn’t stand that kind of chaos, remember everyone is different. Don’t compare yourself to others, think about what is best for you and your mental health and personality. It doesn’t matter how others cope, it matters how you cope. Good luck with your decision.
If you're unsure, don't. For me it wasn't worth the risk to my physical or mental health, nor the financial strain.
http://www.essentialkids.com.au/life/making-time-for-me/essential-confid...
If you want to do it then do it now and don’t leave it any later. Your daughter will love a sibling and I found it easier with 2. It was the most precious gift to my child. There is so much support out there if you want it and reach out. Speak up if you can’t cope. Don’t sweat the small stuff. House work can wait. Do bit by Bit when you can. Get out and take your daughter for walks, it does wonders for mental health. Beach walks are amazing and you can wear her out. Say No more to your daughter. Be tough on her but all this comes naturally once you have a second because you need to be. First is always so much harder than the 2nd child. 2nd time around we are more prepared, relaxed and not so over the top. I have anxiety, depression and migraines and I went on to have 3. Best decision I have made. So make sure 100% of the little things you sweat that you can change, get the right support and help and go for it. If you think you can’t then dont. For me it’s the best thing I did and it helped me in so many ways.
Does your partner help? That’s the best way to get two to bed etc.