SID - Autistic, depression/anxiety/cptsd/dysthymia (possibly others)
Tw - self harm (cutting)
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Lately my son has been asking about things that lead into my history of self harming (in particular cutting). Usually I’m pretty happy to talk about whatever, whenever... but this one I feel I need to be really careful about.
He is 11, autistic and has his own mental health issues that he struggles with. He lives with the other parent, and sees his own psychologist. We have phone calls twice a week and see each other during school holidays.
I very much do not want to put it out to him as a suitable coping method. But I also don’t want to lie or ‘gloss over’ anything about it either, and at the end of the day often it was what got me through when nothing else worked for me.
I am concerned that talking about it may ‘put it in his head’ (or so to speak) and effect him, maybe not so much now but more concerned about when he’s a bit older. I know often telling kids “don’t do this”/“this is bad” etc etc is often ineffective. I know that research often says that people report that it does provide a relief of sorts and can have an addictive nature about it (this also lines up with my experience as well)..
I have no idea how to talk to him about this :/
4 Replies
I think i would say they're scars from a bad time you went through, poor mental health. A time so hard that you dont really want to talk about it, but if he's ever feeling low, that you would understand and will definitely be there to speak to him and help him through, because finding healthy coping skills is really important, something you would be able to help with too.
Since you barely see him I would be very careful about how you approach it if youre going to give any information. Speak to the other parent to know where your kids at and agree on how much you should be saying. Speaking as the primary carer Id be really angry if somebody added this via phone call to the mind of an young child with ASD, their load is probably quite heavy already.
Explain it as a time in your life when you hurt the most but didn't have the healthy coping strategies to get through it so you did all you could to survive. That it's not shameful to suffer from mental health issues and that now you're older you are so thankful that times have changed, treatments are evolving and someone who can admit that they need help, can get it.
As the non custodial parent, I would discuss it with the full time parent first. I assume they go to all the important appointments, put in place all the strategies, do the hard work, thus they would know the child’s condition and the repercussions better than you. They could even discuss it with child’s therapists. Are you the pregnant one with the dickhead partner who doesnt respect your son?