My son who has adhd who is off his meds ( doctors recommended as a trial as he thought he was ok to ) was caught stealing chocolate from the canteen . School called to inform me and also tell me how hysterical upset he was before it even came to their attention. I dealt with him by taking his phone off him for a Month and he did seem genuinely upset and it was so out of character even the school agreed. I moved on thought he learned his lesson and yesterday I saw he used my account to down load apps on his phone ( over $500 over a period of 6 weeks . )
He starred in meds today
Phone gone indefinitely
I want to murder him
It’s made me physically sick that he would do it again after him being so upset the 1st time and me
When I ask him why he has no answers I know he is sorry I can Tell by his face . ( I’ve been looking at it for 11years )
Other than the chocolate he was a model
Student and other then the phone issue he caused me less trouble then his siblings that are not adhd .
Please any advice is welcome I am really struggling to figure this out
4 Replies
It actually wasn’t his fault. Without the meds he has no impulse control. He wasn’t ready to come off of them.
Besides that he is still a kid and kids make mistakes. A large number of people of stolen something in there tween/teens and gone on to live normal productive lives.
I think the best thing you can do here, is get your emotions under control.
I think you need to remember that this is not personal - he's not doing this to personally hurt or embarrass you nor is he a bad kid (his shame over these incidents should tell you that). This is not a parenting failure either (though I sympathise with you as I know what the judgement is like).
He literally has no impulse control. He can't stop himself and will have no answers for you because he cannot explain it. These types of behaviours are common even in neurotypical kids, though they grow out of it quicker. You've done the right thing getting him back on meds. If/when you give his phone back, make sure there are no payment sources linked to the app store. Get him a Spriggy account and give him a weekly allowance or a prepaid card attached to it if you must have something, that way you can control it.
You need to get on his side - get over this "wanting to kill him" business. He needs help, not judgement or shame. Therapies can also help.
My stepson is ADHD (he's an adult now) and being tarred with the "bad kid" brush has scarred him for life. He is a talented sports person who was flagged for AFL development as a teenager, however his neurodivergent status and another condition ruled him out. He became an addict to many things because he couldn't deal with how he felt about himself - used to disappear for days on benders, spend all his money on gambling. Lost many friends and his family cut him off because they couldn't understand. He's finally clean and sober, working and has a young family now.
I'm not saying your son will end up like this but when shame becomes your inner voice eventually you decide you have nothing better to aspire to.
Hes impulsive and thats why. Its also not the same as stealing a chocolate bar so dont say he did it again. He hasnt done it again. You need to explain to him how this is stealing and how you have to pay real money for that. Then you have to lock down your credit cards or his ability to online purchase.
Learning about money management alongside online shopping or gaming is a whole different thing all kids need to do, and something thqt catches us all, it really pulls on our impulses (we NEED the credits nowto be able to progress or play the game) and it feels free, even to me and I pay the bill!! So it will be extra difficult for him.
Impulse control, believe him when he says he doesn’t know. When he is not medicated his little brain has to work so much harder.
He of course needs discipline and consequences but I would put him back on his meds and go from there.