I come from a long line of mediocre, regular job, just getting by, non “fancy” family. Now, when I say that, I mean no one really had any ambition or desire to really be “something”. Now that I have children, I really want to break that cycle. I have one high schooler & one primary schooler. Neither have any interest in extra curricular activities, they both HATE homework, don’t like reading, never get awards etc. I know that it’s pretty much all my fault because I should have pushed them further from an early age. But is there something I can change now? How can I help them more? How can I break this cycle? Thankyou
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As someone who has been "successful" it definitely did not make me happy. My job was super stressful and I constantly brought my work life home with me which affected my kids too. I couldn't take it anymore. Sure, I had money. But it didn't make me happy.
I now have a regular job and I'm much happier and I have more fun times with the kids instead of telling them I'm too busy. I think you need to focus on your kids being happy and not whether they have a "good" job or not.
I am the same as you and when I saw my 21 year old son in a suit and tie at his work I nearly cried. That is definitely a first for our family of truck drivers and retail workers. He's wanted to do what he's doing for 5 years now so I was super proud of him for finally getting it, there was a while where I thought he was going to be a bum forever because he just had his eyes set on this career and nothing else, so it took a while to get in. My daughter is also 21 and she is very ambitious but also changes her mind often. She's started uni, dropped out of uni, started Tafe, dropped out of Tafe, started uni, dropped out of uni for a fifo job. I'm proud of her for that but I know she is going to be one of those people that take years to work out what they want and I'm OK with that. Life's a journey! My younger 2 kids are teenagers and not really sure what they want but they are aiming high and want to go to uni. I haven't pushed any of my kids but I think our small school puts a lot of effort into getting their seniors to make plans for what career path to follow. They help them look at options and really encourage them to follow their interests. Look at Tafe courses online with them to give them an idea of what they could be doing.
My parents raised three very different people. They both came from working class and housing commission type backgrounds. My dad broke out by living in an era where degrees didn’t matter (yet) and applying for jobs he was unqualified for. He got lucky, he interviews well and people wanted to give him a shot in an era when they could.
I would say the reason we are very different is because we have different personalities. I was happy to plod a long mostly, until I found my passion. The next child was type A who taught herself to read and cried when she got less that 100%. The next child is still a plodder who makes terrible decisions around her personal life.
You encourage, and model certain behaviours, and provide opportunities but it’s up to your kids to take them and make the most of them.
It’s ok to be a plodder though. Being a plodder can be fun and way less stressful than being a neurotic type A climber.
Just want to put it out there, my sister and I are in non fancy jobs with no qualifications and both of us bring in just under six figures. And I’m only part time earning that.
There’s lot of ways to measure success and for me personally, it’s having a happy household that is fed with as little stress as possible.
My teen son does well accedemically, loves to read, always does his homework without complaints.
He probably has the brains to be a doctor, lawyer, CEO or get any tertiary degree he wanted.
He has his sights set on becoming a plumber, so many people scoff at his choice and yet, it's such a necessary service!
I also have a cousin who dropped out of school at 15, she's worked at maccas ever since. She's been the manager there for years, her hubby manages their local supermarket, they recently bought a house, had a baby and they both seem to be genuinely happy. If that's not success, what is?!
My point is, average is an integral part of society. Imagine life if we had no retail workers, no fast food workers, no cinema attendants, no truckies, no farmers, no factory workers, no cleaners, no transport workers, no tradespeople, no bartenders, no waiters, no kitchen hands, no aged care workers, I could go on for days!
Average is quite literally the backbone of our society and it's a real shame such little value is placed on these types of jobs.
If your kids grow up to be good people, they're winning at life!
This!!!
Please don't pressure your kids to 'be successful'. It's damaging and often leads to them failing altogether. A friend's gifted academically son literally broke down & now works in a factory. Where he's happy & his MH much better.
Here's the secret - it's not what you earn, it's knowing how to manage it. Teach them to budget, invest & grow wealth. Any rich person will say you shouldn't work for your money, your money should work for you.
Also success isn't just money. Mine was over overcoming the fear of the world & fear of spending money, that my DM drummed into me & going travelling. In our 20's instead of having babies like we were 'supposed' to, DH & I travelled. Had incredible adventures. That's our success. Into the future it's the same goal.
I didn't have a degree. Got an entry level temp job & proved myself. Went up to a way above average wage, my super is massive & was even sent overseas on conferences.
I tell my kids this - do a good job, not a shit job. And do you know what I mean by that? Try your best. Do your best and that's all that matters. Do your best. Follow your dreams. My eldest is so bright but he wants to become a life guard then a nurse. To me that's success. If kids love what they are doing and doing their best, that's what matters to me.
I went to high school with very very high achievers. Our dux dropped out shortly after starting uni and hasn't done much at all. Some of our brightest students just didn't cope and to me, success is not just career wise, it's about personal happiness.
What's "successful" anyway? Personally, I don't think high academic achievement is "success". Sporting achievements aren't "success". Awards aren't "success". Not in my mind, anyway. I'd rather that my child be kind, confident, sure of herself and enjoy what she does.
I understand what you’re saying....
I think education is the key here, find they’re strengths and encourage them to pursue those. They don’t have to be a doctor, lawyer, dentist etc. to be comfortable. When you are great at something, you tend to make good money, get better results in year 12 etc. ie good teachers become principals, who make good money. Nurses that become the head of the department make good money, diesel fitters who manage their part of the mine etc. find their strengths and help them nurture them. I don’t care what anyone says, money makes life comfortable, having a career gives purpose. If you’re going to have life problems anyway, why not make money be one less? Money also provides opportunities, if you’re well off you can afford to change careers later on, I think we all want our kids to have comfortable lives, good luck.
Tbh the best thing you can do is lead by example. Get that diploma or degree. Get the job you want. Pursue your hobbies (does not have to be for money). Visit that place on your wishlist. Kick that goal.
Your child will usually only feel comfortable and in place with what they know which comes from what they see and live with you.
They dont have to be academic but they need to know themselves and know their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses and feel supported and educated enough to find pathways and feel able to try them.
You lead by example. Go study for yourself, show them what you can achieve.
I went back to uni at 30 after my first baby. Second was born during my degree. Have now been in my profession for over a year.
Model what you expect... if you want them to have ambition then do it yourself!