Hi guys! Sorry long post!
I was wondering if anyone has experience with having a defiant child? My 11 year old DD is constantly doing things that make us get angry at her & she knows she isn't making the right choice but goes ahead & does it anyway.. Im at my wits end & its makes me so upset. For example, we have sat down & spoke about chores, she agreed her job would be empty the dishwasher (come home from school, unpack school bag, get a snack, rest for 15mins or so then unpack it) & keep her room tidy so she is meant to check the dishwasher in the afternoon if it needs emptying or not (sometimes ill do it if im home that day) So this is her responsibility to check if its done or not, but for her to do it, every afternoon we need to ask at least 5 to 10 times before we then have to get cranky at her for not listening & not doing her chore that she agreed on but then wonders why we get upset with her. Another example is, she needs to leave her ipad in the pantry straight from school but instead, but she will go straight in her room after school & watch her ipad (bloody tiktok š) until we then get cranky again & remove it from her (This is why we have to ask her to do the dishwasher so many times coz she is always got her head glued in the ipad) These r just some examples of what makes me & hubby upset. We have tried all types of things like talking to her & explaining how it makes us feel when she doesn't listen, rewarding her when she does listen 1 or 2nd time, punishment like taking ipad off her for a week, ignoring the behaviour but nothing works but expects the world from us š I had a really bad relationship with my mum & im really trying so hard to not have that same relationship with my DD. Would love to know some of people's tried n tested things that may have worked.. This mumma needs help! It makes the whole household sad & upset. What can I do???????
How to deal with a defiant child????
How to deal with a defiant child????
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
3 Replies
As soon as she comes in get the iPad. You are asking her to moderate a behaviour she isnāt ready for yet (for whatever reason). She gets the iPad back, after she has done the dishwasher.
Get on top of that step and youāve gotten rid of half the arguments
She sounds pretty normal to be honest. Sheās 11, a child.
Donāt expect her to remember or instantly do chores - that takes years from my experience.
Take the iPad away from where she knows it is and just say once the chore is done you get the iPad.
She will want to go and chill out- watch tik tok etc as down time after school to relax. My kids enjoy that time to themselves.
You will need to learn going into the teen years to not let this ādefianceā upset you deeply. Yes itās annoying, rude etc but itās apart of parenting.
Donāt bother over explaining or over talking as kids/teens switch off.
When my boys were younger and had to be asked multiple times to do something, I started taking pocket money off them. I would ask them to do something once, then took 20 cents off them each time I asked after that. A couple of weeks of little to no pocket money and they started doing things as soon as I asked them to. It sounds like the iPad is her currency. Each subsequent time you ask her to do something take 5 or 10 minutes off the time she is allowed to play on her iPad.