Trigger warning!!!!
Its been a few days now.
My partner timed how long it would take for him to kill himself by putting a bag over his head. He told me the other day.
3:40 seconds before he couldn't do it anymore.
I guess he really didnt want to die and his reflexes kicked in.
How am I supposed to help him?? How am I supposed to feel. He has been searching ways to kill himself for months.
I am so terrified that he will go through with it one night, when I'm at work, and it will be our kids who find him. How am i supposed to feel with this knowledge?
I am not angry. I dont think he is being selfish. I have my own demons too. I dont even know what I am asking for in this group. I have no one to talk to. I am just at a loss now. My suggestions for help for him over the last couple of months have fallen on deaf ears. Im hurting and he is hurting too. I dont understand why he wants to die. 10 years together.....i mean is it me. I feel so defeated and I'm trying so hard to keep it together, to not tell how much this has affected me, but the reality is now im terrified of what tomorrow will bring. His view of life is skewed that I dont think he cares anymore.
8 Replies
You need to get him help. You also need help. Call beyond Blue or lifeline for advice and try and get him to a Dr. If he talks about suicide again call an ambulance
You need to start treating this like a crisis. You cant leave your kids in that possible (likely) situation, we have to choose their care carefully. So you cant leave them with him anymore. He needs help, he should be in a hospital as its just too much on you and youre not the person trained to help him.
My son often has periods of suicidal tendencies and behaviours. The first thing is working out do they have an immediate plan to harm themselves (or others).
In your partners case this answer is yes. You need hospital intervention. I’d be ringing the mental health team in your state (QLD the number is 1300 MH CALL (1300 642255) and getting solid advice.
It’s likely they’ll suggest calling 000 for immediate intervention. Whatever the advice be sure to follow through with it.
Best of luck with it for you both.
The others have offered good advice. You also need your own mental health care plan, you have to speak to someone for yourself so you can stay as healthy as possible.
You may also need to leave for the kids safety. There is only so much you can supervise him and the harm to your kids finding there dad is huge. But talk all that through with your own psychologist.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, the simple answer is you can’t help, he needs professional assistance.
Ring 000 next time and they will get him help. If he mentions it ring them straight away and tell them. Don’t feel bad about it. He needs to be medicated. You are right, your kids will find him and it will destroy their lives and they then will have their own demons to deal with. Protect them and yourself first. Ring beyond blue and ask for advice also. Speak with your dr and anyone who will listen. He needs anti depressants and to see a psychologist. Remind him of his beautiful kids daily and how lucky you all are to have him. the fact he tells you if he is reaching out desperately for help without seeking help himself. He doesn’t know how to deal with it. He needs a new outlook on life. Make a move to a new place, make new friends, exercise, anything diff to get out of the rut and enjoy life. Remind him of much his kids love him and need him and what it would do to them. Get the kids to give him hugs daily. Take lots of nice photos with your kids and him and show him the photos and how much they love him. Same goes for you.
If he is actively threatening self harm and is making plans he can be detained against his will. Call 000 the next time he threatens it and won’t get help.
I tried to commit suicide 3 years ago, my husband found me and I was given basically no choice but to seek help or they were going to admit me. I had been refusing treatment for years but reluctantly accepted the doctors ultimatum. I even accepted medication for a while. It did help, even though at the time I felt it wouldn't. 3 years on from my attempt I'm now a smiling, bubbly mum again who is holding down a full-time career and feel better within myself then I can ever remember feeling.
Your husband probably feels like nothing can help him right now, that he is going to feel this shittybinside forever. You are going to have to push a little to get him help, take him to the doctor with you and bring it up yourself if need be, admitting how depressed one feels is often very difficult, sometimes it helps to have someone there to start the ball rolling.
I wish you all the very best.