I returned to work last month and I absolutely hate it. I couldn’t tell you one thing I enjoy about it and not even the extra money is enough to muster some excitement.
I don’t know why I wanted a job now anyway. Actually no i do. Since my son was a year old everyone has been asking when I’m going back to work. But my husband and I were adamant that until he went to primary school I would stay home unless my dream job hired me. I’m studying fir the career I want and I apply for all the local jobs that come up in that field.
But late last year it got to me, the pressure to “contribute” like I wasn’t already. Like I wasn’t the main caregiver. Like I didn’t spin all the plates. So I took a job, the first job that hired me where I’m the oldest person there by half a decade, it is incredibly fast paced and loud and I come home each day with a migraine or with a frayed temper.
And now I want to quit. But so many people are telling me how great it is I’m working now, how freeing it is. I’m not free. I’m stressed and tired. I’m trying to do ten more things and all that “extra money” goes to day care, or transport.
(We are maybe $50 a month better off)
Has anyone else decided they’re happy being “just a mum and wife?” How did you shut down the people sticking their noses in? How do shove aside the guilt of everything that comes with not working?
11 Replies
Why do you care about others opinions? Theyre jjst saying what they think youll want to hear. Has anyone decided to be a sahm and made sacrifices to do it? Hell yes pretty much all of them these days.
I agree with the above poster.
If it’s not for you and your just wanting the dream job - then don’t accept any less.
Being a mum is so under rated. I applaud the mums who “have it all” as career women and mums, but if that doesn’t make you happy - don’t do it.
Do what makes you happy and helps you be the best version of yourself ❣️ forget the rest, it isn't their life x
I've copped this since my youngest was born & became an SAHM by chance (made redundant). She's just started school & the comments are relentless.
I ignore it.
However, if I'm irritated I shut them down. You could say you're studying if you want to avoid it.
There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM and wife other than a lack of job security.
The government no longer has your back if your husband dies or a divorce happens. It’s straight to Newstart if your child is over 8. And although we all like to think our relationships are rock solid, and nothing is going to happen, sh*t happens.
So I think it’s important to have a plan. Wether that’s a huge insurance policy on your husband, an air tight post-nup, or working part time doing something so that you can get back to work full time if you have to or will top up Newstart nicely.
It’s important to hope for the best, but have a plan.
I am of the belief that all mothers should keep their hand in where they are able - because of the hit our super takes when we stay home and care for kids and because of how damned hard it is to return to the workforce after any sort of break (there was a woman here the other day mentioning that she'd been out of the workforce 20 years, due to circumstances and she couldn't get a look in anywhere).
BUT... where it's impacting your mental and physical health and not leaving you a lot better off financially and you are actively working to get hired in a job that will actually fulfil you... why do that to yourself?!
Obviously you're not coping so do what's best for you. Being 5 yrs older is really minor, so if that's bothering you, I'd say you're just not up to it right now. Listen to that.
Stay home. I will never understand how people are so nosy, how it affects them if another Mum is working. Stay home with your son if you want to. I believe we should only go back to work if we really have to for financial reasons or too much time out of the industry will make you unemployable (like nursing and teaching). But for your everyday job why bother, all for an extra $50 and you lose that if your kid is sick. Value has been taken away from what the Stay At Home Mum is worth now which is sad. Kids are only little once.
Being a SAHM to my kids is best decision I ever made. Whilst my older kids were young I worked Fulltime. It was hardshit, I hated it and apparently so did they (though they never let in until years later). When my eldest was in year 10 I quit. My relationships with all of them have benefited. Ive never regretted it
I am a SAHM and while is it hard, it would be so much harder being a working mum. I get to spend my days with our little loves and it is the best.
Our kids are 3 and 1 and I went back to work causally when my first was 1 until I went on maternity leave for number 2. I hated being away from him. It wasn't worth it for me. For now we are getting along fine with just hubby working and I am happy being home with our kids.
Don't let family, friends or society push you into going back to work, because that is the thing to do or will give you freedom. That is bullshit! You have a purpose and you are contributing to your family. I think you and hubby had already chosen the best situation for your family and it is you being at home with your children.
Tell them that you and hubby are happy with the decision you made together and it is none of anybody else's business
I returned to work when my oldest was a year old and absolutely hated it, I did three shifts then quit. I eventually returned to work very part time when he was 13y. Loved every minutes of being at home. I had two more children and my youngest was 3y when I returned. Youngest is now 9 and I still only work part time.
Someone smart once told me it’s only an issue if it’s a problem between you and your husband. Everyone else doesn’t matter.