My ex and I have recently separated. He is a very emotional abusive person. I took out an AVO as it got quite scary.
We slept together just before I left. I don’t even know why I did that. He ejaculated inside of me despite me telling him not to (the intercourse was consensual so I have no right to blame him). He told me he did it because he wants me to have a baby. I went and took the emergency contraceptive pill.
Fast forward 6 weeks: I am pregnant. I am completely devastated. I cannot have this baby on my own (or with him). I already have children who are going through enough with our separation. I am dealing with all on my own as I am so embarrassed for what I have done.
I have organized a medical abortion. Tomorrow I have to get an ultrasound to confirm my dates to make sure I am choosing the right procedure.
I am so scared and feel horrible. What if I am making the wrong decision and I will regret this for the rest of my life?
I don’t even know what I want from writing this. I just need someone to tell me everything will be ok 😞
19 Replies
You qlready know its the right thing to do. You didnt want a baby, you definitely dont want a baby with him, you need to be able to cut ties and move on right now.
If it helps at all I terminated, it was difficult (no matter how much you know its right) but it doesnt haunt me, Ive always thought of it as the best thing to do, even moreso looking back now and realising what having kids with someone actually entails. Its nice when exes you dont can be safely put in the past, and with this guy, thats exactly what you need to be able to do. Get it done and then get to work on building your life how you choose it
Telling him not to ejeculate inside you & him doing it deliberately is NOT consensual. It's sexual assault. Doing it to get you pregnant is also assault (can't think of correct name for it). So please don't say you can't blame him.
Either choice you make will be difficult, but I think you already know what's best for you. It'll be hard. Just take it one day at a time. Get counselling for support. You shouldn't go it alone with no one to talk to about how you're feeling.
You will be ok. You'll be free of him. Every day you'll feel a little better, more in control of your life, with so many possibilities.
Pro choice.
It is ok to do what is best for you and your existing children.
That will never be a mistake. Recognising when your cup is full is ok! You need to be gentle with yourself, heal from the abuse you have endured.
Termination now doesn’t mean there may not be more children in your future.
Please see a professional to help process this.
It will be ok! You got this!
Sending love and strength
He finished inside you. Just another form of his manipulation and abuse. can you not see that? It was always bound to be a risk since no protection was used. He's a shitcunt. This should be the final straw for you to get rid. Focus on yourself now and do what you feel is right without involving or including him
It sounds like you're making the right decision for your family.
If you feel bad about it now, you’re likely to really regret it later on.
This isn't true at all.
not at all. I do not regret my decision to terminate
Me either, and it was a heartwrenching decision and procedure to go through in the moment. Time has given me perspective though, and I know for sure it was the right choice to make.
Truly, you are doing the right thing. You don't want to be tied to him forever, he will make your life hell. Wait until you are ready to have children, its perfectly ok to not be ready now and terminate. Your body, your choice xx
It will be difficult but it is the best choice for your safety. It's best your family isn't tied down to a man like that. It's what he wants. I wouldn't want to bring a baby into that kind of environment. :( trust me I get the struggle. I had an abortion a long time ago. My ex punched a wall a few months later which could have been my head. He was emotionally abusive aswell. I regretted it for a long time but it was the best outcome. If I had kept the baby we could have been in real danger.
What he has done is disgusting either way. The sec may have been consensual but you told him no to finishing inside of you. Only you will know what you need to do and it sounds like you know what you need to do to focus on your other babies in a difficult time. But also noting that, as I would also be looking at it this way. You’ve taken the morning after pill and it hasn’t worked, I’m almost certain it says on the leaflets in the packet that if it doesn’t work there is a risk of birth defects which in my mind would be something to consider and help hopefully ease your mind and mum guilt, if you are experiencing that at the moment.
Firstly any decision you make is yours to own for life. You will be okay, you have removed his claws and are learning to be free. It's 100% okay to make a decision to terminate, given he sounds dangerous, having a child means you will never be done with him. your kids will have further drama. You have got this, be free, become the best version of your self and look after, protect and grow with you kids that need you to be their everything.
you will be okay, it will be hard, but i don't think it's the wrong decision.
Good luck, big hugs and keep moving forward
OP how are you going? Given its been a week?
Hope you are okay ❤️
Terminate. I had one 10 years ago and have not regretted it once.
Oh my love I feel your pain. You are allowed to do this. You are also allowed to grieve. If you believe you are doing the right thing then you absolutely are. You have other babes you need to consider but you also have you to consider. You’re going through a really tough time and you need to be able to look after yourself to be able to look after your other kids. So allow yourself to feel bad and guilty. But then allow yourself to feel better and look after you.
Oh my love I feel your pain. You are allowed to do this. You are also allowed to grieve. If you believe you are doing the right thing then you absolutely are. You have other babes you need to consider but you also have you to consider. You’re going through a really tough time and you need to be able to look after yourself to be able to look after your other kids. So allow yourself to feel bad and guilty. But then allow yourself to feel better and look after you.
hey lovely.
I hope you are OK, sending big hugs to you. at first, it's rough. it really is. over time, it gets easier. I've had one. zero regrets.
it sounds like (based on what is written) you're doing the right thing.
he needs to be held accountable for his actions. id probably report it to the police.
hugs hun❤
I left my husband (I had two kids aged 7 & 8)
I had a liaison that resulted in me falling pregnant. I knew that the timing was wrong, the situation was wrong, the prospective father was wrong.
For my life, the life of my boys and to survive my next chapter I decided to terminate.
No regrets. Tears, pain for a day or so but no regrets. My body, my life, my choice.
Good luck with your decision, make it for YOU not what others think💖