My sister recently blocked and deleted my of Facebook after a family member who sexual assaulted me and committed suicide a few days before having to face court , she posted on fb that it was my fault I feel like a horrible person cause my only thoughts are I hope this never happens to her children
I’m so confused and hurt - like when did I become ok for a family to mourn the Death of a person who commits these acts and make the victim feel like speaking up about what happened to them is the person in the wrong
7 Replies
Your sister is wrong and it sucks. I’ve seen this dynamic in my own family when an uncle abused a cousin.
My advice, I know it hurts, but your sister is confused and you are better off without her in your life, until she gets her head straight. The only way I can describe it is they become confused because they can’t believe someone they loved could be so vile. So they develop some very wrong feelings towards the victim.
I’m sorry, she sucks.
Difficult time for you all. I hope you're getting the help you need to process all of this. Your family have been put in a difficult position too, its easy to stand back and say they should believe you but when its someones Dad, brother, son, husband every part of you would want to believe its not true. They are allowed to grieve. Is any of it fair? No way. But let them grieve. Hopefully as time goes by they can see the truth. Until then surround yourself with people who support you. If you have no friends that can help you join a support group.
I think you need to separate what you’re feeling and what she is feeling.
It can be a confusing time and it’s hard to accept that someone she loved could do this, and then they’ve passed away and there’s no closure. So to her, the offender may always remain innocent in her eyes as there was no proof or guilty verdict for her to accept.
But to you, what you’re feeling is so very different.
I would give her the space she needs to mourn.
Theyreallowed to grieve their own relationship with that person.
The fqct they disbelieve and attack and blame you seals your relationship with them though. Ill never understand how anyone could go on the attack on an issue they werent there for, but plenty of (a certain type of) people do it.
Not only did he do it to me in the past but also a cousin and in the last year a seven year old child of my cousins - there is no justifying it what so ever ....
People always want to believe their family isn’t capable of doing such horrible things. The fact that they killed themselves shows how guilty the scum was feeling. I would be cutting all toxic people from your life. You deserve better.
This is weirdly common.
I remember a work mate committed suicide prior to going to court for sexually assaulting young boys.
A lot of his friends and work mates mourned his death. I was so confused, I felt like-why mourne? We should be celebrating that the world has one less scumbags.
My husband is a detective and said something that helped me understand..he said people aren't mourning the loss of a pedophile, they are mourning the loss of a person prior to knowing he was a pedophile.
I think your sister will come around, if I were you I would never forgive her. But I think she is possibly confused, angry and conflicted. I remember sitting in a court room and a woman was defending her husband who was accused of rape. And she was caught out lying. Sexual abuse hurts so many people. And its really tough when someone you love is accused. Its important to remember who's to blame in these situations. The abuser. Not saying your sister isn't a complete asshole for what she's doing. But maybe if we understand why loved ones of sexual abusers act this way, we can feel more at peace.