How do other parents do it? I’m a mum to 3 beautiful girls, 6, 4 and 4 weeks. We are currently building an extension onto our house and my partner has just been offered over time at work. So at the moment I’m feeling a little lost, emotional and abit angry because he’s taken on these extra hours and then comes home and works on the house. It then makes me feel bad for needing help so I don’t ask him. Instead I try do EVERYTHING until I break down and cry and it’s only then he stops and realises I need help. My older two fight constantly, just asking them to brush their teeth or get in the shower is a battle and they backchat, argue and scream. All the while my 4 week old screams from 6pm til 10-11pm almost every night so even eating tea is hard. We are including the two older ones in everything to do with bub, we are trying to spend as much one on one time with them and we are still doing our sleepovers in the lounge on a weekend with movies and other fun stuff we have always done so I don’t know where we are going wrong. He helps when I ask but I feel like it’s a pain for him and I feel like a burden. But then I feel he shouldn’t be taking on all this extra work when we have a newborn plus 2 older kids to get sorted. We are not financially struggling so the extra work isn’t about that. He feels obliged to help his boss as they are one guy down at the moment with a heap of work coming in. I was coping so well in the first 2 weeks and now I find I cry at the drop of a hat and I have zero patience and all I do is yell at the older two as they just don’t listen. I feel like a real shitty mum at the moment who just can’t get her shit together and even cook a meal. How do people do it? How do you get into some sort of routine after a baby and how do you cope personally? Please be gentle as I’m really hormonal and sensitive 😔
6 Replies
Going from 2 to three kids was HARD! I really struggled. It felt like everything was just thrown out of normality and I was overwhelmed and moody and tired all while putting a shit tonne of pressure on myself to stay a happy calm relaxed can-do-it-all, mum! Which sweetheart, is exactly what you are doing! Your putting so much pressure on yourself to just snap into action and do it all, all while not only have you justbhad a new baby but have renos and hubby at home less all rolled into one!! No wonder you feel overwhelmed xxx
Your hubby CAN help at home. Tell him to and let him. If you have family near by, get them to come and help out. Ask them to cook a meal. Get takeaway delivered on particularly shitty nights. Its ok to do that. Get a cleaner in once a week.
Tell hubby to give up the extra hours until everything is settled at home. You don't have to do it all and its ok to ask for help.
Honestly, you and your partner have taken on a lot! Doing renovations yourselves while working is super challenging, add on three very young children (one of them a new born) with a mum still recovering from giving birth, and then taking on overtime.
If I was you I’d be a literal mess. It’s just too much.
You and your partner need to create a schedule of what’s reasonable in your week. How many nights of overtime is acceptable, what’s the evening routine look like, who does what, and how much time can be put into the extension.
Your older girls need lots of routine and an actively engaged dad every night at the moment. That’s what happens when a new baby is in the house. Your two oldest have had a huge change in there lives and they know mum isn’t operating at 100%.
You are not a shit mum. You are spread too thin. You cannot be perfect. There is no such thing.
1. Your older kids behaviour - you are doing nothing wrong. They have a new sibling in the house. Lots of things are different for them right now. Mum's tired and stressed and not as available. Dad's working more. Baby is demanding attention. It's a big change and you're all adjusting. Do not take their behaviour as a reflection on you or your parenting. It will take time but they will settle.
2. Get a sling or carrier for bub, the witching hour is HELL. They cluster feed, getting windy and unsettled and it is the worst time of day. Even with one kid. Or two.
3. Dinners - meal prep during the day so you can chuck everything together at the last minute. Do a bulk cook on weekends or ask friends or family to cook up freezer meals so you can just throw something in the oven on shitty days - it's coming into winter so it's prime soup and casserole season. Perfect freezer meals. No one will die if you have to have takeaway or 2 minute noodles or eggs on toast for dinner a few times.
4. If hubby is happily stepping in and not giving you a hard time, this is NOT the time to try to do it all yourself. You are no good to anyone if you're a screaming mess. It is not your job to do it all. He lives in the house and created the kids. No matter how many hours he works, it's still his job to look after the house and kids too.
5. If it is all too much with hubby doing the extra hours, tell him. While his work keeps a roof over your head and food on the table, his boss would surely understand that family comes first. Maybe he can split the extra overtime between a few staff?
Lastly, it will all be okay. This will pass and it will get easier. Much love to you xxxx
I’ve got 3 and I absolutely die when my husband says he’s working over time. I work too and have put off Reno’s for this exact reason. Can they be delayed till your in more of a routine with baby? Try and get a nap in with the baby since your other 2 are a bit older. I bribe my eldest with iPads(reading eggs app is an awesome educational tool) and sleep with the youngest. I also suggest having a hot lunch and Sandwhiches for dinner. That way it’s not so chaotic at the witching hours.
Stooppppp!!! Lay on the lounge cuddle bubs. Let the other 2 play around you. Play a game from the lounge like peek a boo. Go to play cafes, sit have a coffee and let them play. Order take away, make life easier any way you can. I did it with 3 under 5 and had my moments but I took the easy way out of everything to help me cope. If it meant take away 2-3 nights a week or not having house work spotless who cares. Just let go of it all and enjoy the time together focus on you and the kids. Find what makes the little ones happy. Build couch cubbies and lay on the lounge. Wear them out. Put movies on, give bub a bottle and relax. Take the raiser options and don’t be hard on yourself. Do what makes it easier for you. play cafes were the best! They left me alone to have coffee in peace. Wore themselves out while I kept bub happy. Take them to the park, let them run their little legs off west them out. I found being out was much easier then being home but this is just me and I am still like this now they are older. Take away also saved me! Why spend hours with cooking and dishes when you are already exhausted. If you can order in a few nights a week or buy oven meals or some places cook from home now and deliver. It all helps, any little bit helps. I had no one help me at all, it was more lonely than anything but I’d never change it for the world.
Take your time 🤗 the honeymoon phase is over with the new bub and life takes a lot of adjusting
I have a 7yo, 4yo and 12mo and it’s not easy. They’re all at such different stages, it took me a good 6 months after our youngest was born to get back into the swing of things. I feel like I’m coping worse now that I’m back at work to be honest
I don’t think the craziness ever settles but just try to pick your battles with your older kids- it takes the pressure off.
Don’t feel bad for asking hubby to help. Yes he’s busy, but you can’t discount all the things you’re doing for your family and run yourself ragged. There’s this sick notion that we’re invincible as Mums
You are doing a great job and I you will absolutely be ok
I’ve learned now to set the bar pretty low and just to have a minimum
As long as our beds are made, the kitchens clean and the kids are looked after that’s all I worry about
Big hugs ❤️