A long and positive story

This is kind of a positive one, long but happy ending

I'm a step mum and have been a full time step mum for many many years. I have 5 step kids, and have a wonderful relationship with all, but my step son. I have a very hostile relationship with my 10yo ss. We but heads, argue, and he says some rather nasty things like I should kill myself, I'm a fat c, I should die, I hate him, I torture him and won't let him do anything. He struggles with adhd, and conduct, and I struggle greatly with his behaviour, AND , so does he

Yesterday was a very bad start to the day, he wouldn't get ready for school, it was a battle I tried not to esculate. "I'm gonna tell mum you hit me" (no I didnt) fuck you, I hate you, bla bla and so on. He lost 3 months of gaming (a couple of good days and he gets gaming back) so much of a bad start i emailed the school to warn them of his bad start as it can continue through out the day even medicated .

Yes I'm aware, this is meant to be positive, say with me.

I often feel very hated by my ss, I think of everything iv been through for him and his siblings. Iv been stalked by his maternal family, death threats from people I don't even know. Iv had docs of my door about abuse in aid of a maternal family's children's court battle. Iv neglected myself for them to the point of a nervious break down. All my money goes towards their every need, and I do nothing for myself. All that matters for me, is their happiness, health and well-being. I do special things for them just because, and when he throws the "you don't love me" I break a little inside.

So here is the positive, so as I said, we had yet another bad morning. Just before school end, I got a call from the school so I go in. My ss was punched in the face and all I could think off was "great, 4th suspension this year" but no, he did nothing, he was punched infront of the deputy, by a boy he asked nicely, not to play so ruff. Instead of reacting and becoming angry, he walked away. That boy got 10days. After, an aid took all the boys aside, to talk about how life affects our behaviour and how we react is a choice. Family situations was brought up, and here it is, the positive, the thing I felt I was failing at! my ss, talked about how much he loves me, and I love him. How I do everything for him and that I'm there more then any one else in his life. That I do fun things with him, and having a second mum means he has more people who love him. 🥲 I'm blown away, I truly thought my ss hated me. I felt it so much I was beginning to really struggle being around him. But now I know, that deep down, behind all that anger, and hateful words, he truly does appreciate everything I do, and most of all, HE LOVES ME.