I cant do this any more. No one believes me either they just tell me how strong I am and I get through the day but they don't believe how much I am struggling.
I've been a full time mum for 5 and a half years now. I left dv when I was pregnant.
Im so tired from doing it all alone. My daughter is ADHD/ASD. We have just discovered never damage to her ears also. She is getting hearing aids. We need to make trips into the city to do further testing. Thay scars me I cant drive in the city so I need to do a train trip, which I also don't know how to do.
Im tried of doing it all. Working, cleaning cooking. The house jobs the lunches the laundry, the school runs. I have an amazing dad and his wife who drop my daughter to school because I work early. They are no taking my daughter every second Friday night.
But im changing im breaking. Im yelling I'm calling my daughter names.
Today im on the floor my back has given out. I couldn't move.
I asked my daughter to do something for me she complained she said it wasn't fair she had to it. I said it wasn't fair that I have to do it ALL on my own but I do it. I told her to go live with her dad. She cried and said she doesn't know where he is and I told her neither but she better look because im sick of having it do it all and she complains. She's 5 she's aloud to but I was in so much pain I was so mad.
I feel like I don't deserve her. Im scared I'm f***ing her up. I love her so dearly but I just can't do it any more.
Im over being sick and having no one around to help me. Im lonely, and please don't say love your company I have for 6 years.
What can I do. How can I be a better mum. How do I manage all these things in life on my own and keep going? I want to be the mum my daughter deserves. I want to stop yelling at her and telling her she's stupid. I just want all this pain, physical and mental to go away.
Days like today i want to end my life so my daughter has a better life.
Its only got worse over the years not better so I'm just scared it's just going to keep getting worse.
All the decision I have to make on my own such as ADHD medication that I just don't have any suport around. The ndis funding I still can't get my head around. The hearing loss. My back pain, my pancreatitis just everything. IMs I just can't keep doing this.
How do I keep going
How do I keep going
Posted in:
Mental Health, Sisterhood Stories, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing
4 Replies
Aww you you poor mumm. We all have days like this. Please just relax and breathe. Have a nice warm bath or go for a big walk, walking is so good for your mind.
I had 3 kids in 5 years. I love it but I have had my days. I also get very short and frustrated and yell at my kids, especially when I don’t feel well. Apologise to them and explain to them, that I am not well and they need to help.
For me, I have taken lots of short cuts. 2-3 nights a week we have take away. Just something cheap but I take short cuts where I can to give me a break. It’s so blood exhausting.
What you need to remember is this will pass, she is only young and before you know it she will be a teen and old enough to be at home by herself.
If you feel sad, angry in pain, go and lay day down. Have a rest. She will be fine in house. Better off than losing your cool.
Please don’t do anything stupid. This is going to pass and the trauma that would cause to your daughter will never pass.
Lay on the lounge with her pop a movie on and have a picnic and cuddle up to her. She would already be suffering with her ears.
One step at a time. Call in sick tomorrow and spend the day home with your little girl. Do some nice things together just enjoying each other’s company.
let your daughter sleep in with you and cuddle up to her, tell her how much you care about her and don’t mean to sound awful to her. tell her how much you love her.
Just relax and leave anything that needs to be done in the home. Take some time to chill out.
Ring a social worker or child services and explain to them that you need some help or ask the dr for a care plan to see a psychologist , they are fantastic and will help you through it. Ring behind blue and speak to them, if you feel like you are losing it.
It will pass, it does get better. Don’t do anything stupid. Your baby girl needs her mum through life just as you need her.
These feeling and thoughts are temporary. Things will get better. One step at a time.
You self care. Noone is going to do it for you. You see a psych, yo u join groups, find friends, build a support network, people who can take your child for a couple of hours so you can unwind and go out on dates.
It can be really hard to carve that out, that freedom that opens up options, but having it changes everything.
You just do, I was where you are without the family drama. I can tell you now, that my son is in his late 20s and I’m still standing, im very content with my life. My sons disabilities are pretty severe (he is non verbal, severe intellectual disability etc) and im not a super mum. I had some really shit times, but we got through it, we just did.
It did help continuing to go to speak to my psychologist. I found yoga, CBT and mindfulness therapy helpful, but it was a slow process and each year as my son got older things got a bit easier.
If you feel you really need more help than you are getting you should contact your local carers organisation for help. They also might be able to help you understand your daughters NDIS package.
I have no advice, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I have 4, 1 of which has various things going on including adhd to start and God some days I just wish I could run away. We don't go places because of my son's behaviour, he can be fine one minute and violent or run off etc the next. I have reached out to so many people and get no support. I hate that he never does this when he goes to his Dad's, I try and tell myself its because I'm his safe place, but its exhausting and soul crushing. I have faith it will get better, just no idea when.