How do you move on from something like this.
I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I feel like a failure.
Bit of a back story.
I was molested/raped from the age of 9-18 by my step father. When I was 13, I had the courage to tell my mum whom did not believe me. We had to live with our Dad as a had made a report to police. Weeks went on in the investigation, they took my phone for over 6 months to gather deleted data/messages. His messages to me were not explicit enough for them to charge him with anything. Something flicked in my mind one day and I couldn't do it. I withdraw my statements with police. I did not know to this day, how much this has ruined my life. I was young, I had no support.
It took years to talk to my Mum and be able to go to her house. He was there, still living there happy life, Mum turning a blind eye to the abuse, and him being a narcissist as usual.
2012 I met the man of my dreams, we had 2 children. We used to visit regularly, ended up having to move into their pad unexpectedly for almost a year in 2019, seeing him everyday - I was broken, lying threw his teeth, admitting he knew what he did.
This is the tricky part of the story. My partner does not know what happened to me. His sister contacted him just recently that her partner had raped her daughter. They stayed with us for a few days, police investigation, hospital trip confirmed, court dates coming up.
I can relate fully to what has happened to my partner's daughter, but I can't express deep down how I actually feel. This has reared ugly images/pictures in my head of what happened to me.
Fortunately for me, his time came and my step father was riddled with cancer 2 years ago. I got to watch him suffer like what he did to me, although I'm still living it.
I accidentally said the other day to my partner that I don't miss my step father and his response was, 'hes done a lot for us, how dare you say that.' Do I tell him what happened? I don't want to think I had our children in danger when we were living/visiting my Mum. I feel sick to the stomach everyday because of what has been thrown under the carpet. I already feel like a dirty grub and would hate for my partner to see red, make it awakard with my Mum, and most of all me to loose my sole mate because I've hidden this secret.
Please help, I'm at a loss on what to do. I've seeked help with phycology for years and am medicated.
When will I ever feel normal again, do I tell my partner or keep facing this mental struggle alone.
3 Replies
I think you should tell him or confide in his sister who’s daughter was raped and see what she suggests. You could also make it very clear to him that you were looking out for your kids whilst living there. I think it’s time you come out with it to help you. No more burying it away. It will also help him be extra cautious with your own kids.
Tell him so you don’t have to feel alone anymore. He is their to support you.
I'd tell him. I too was molested by my mothers new husband from 3 to 11 yrs old . My pathetic mother stood by him when she found out. I sure as hell did tell my husband. But it took me almost two decades to speak up for fear of not being believed or for causing trouble
You'll feel so much better once you tell him . He's the support you need .