Why do I feel like this, will it pass?
I am a mother of 2 biological children and 1 stepchild. I know how truly blessed I am to have my family, all of us relatively healthy and happy.
My husband and I have chosen not to have another child. Being honest we both would absolutely go in for another, and that feeling lives in the pit of my stomach every single day. Every time I hear a baby cry, another friend tells me they are pregnant, a family member gives birth etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous and I don't wish anything but the happiness I've been afforded during the growth of my own family but it brings back to me a feeling I can't get away from.
Financially and emotionally (I've been through alot with my mental health to get to this good place) it just doesn't make sense for us to have another. Another issue, and please don't judge, if I'm being completely real about it I want a son. I have 3 girls and for as long as i can remember I've wanted a boy. I'd rather put my love, time and well mental health to good use by just raising the children I have already. We would also need to move, buy a new car and it would change all our lives to have another child in our house. (My stepchild lives with us so it's not like we have a spare room when they aren't around).
I'm also due to have a double mastectomy this year, along with the reconstruction and the surgey plus recovery is long and painful. I'm not even sure after all that I could cope with carrying another child. and I don't think I would want to. That doesn't change the fact that every part of me is crying for another child. It literally breaks my heart that at 34 I'm done, I'm never going to feel those feelings again. I didn't know my last baby would be my last. I always thought we would have more but it no longer makes sense.
Please tell me it gets better? Please tell me that one day I will wake up and not feel this way. Surely this can't be it. Like I said, i am so thankful for the children I already have but I can't control what my body is feeling. I never felt like this before having my 2 girls, the first was planned (wasn't broody but it made sense to have a child) and the 2nd was a surprise so didn't get to choose) but I've had 3 years of feeling this way.
Sorry for the rant, I just need to know that I'm not alone in this.
7 Replies
Everything that comes to the end of an Era feels this way. Yes, you will feel more detached, emotionless, and distant about it as time goes on just like any other Era ending. It will enter it's natural phase in letting go like every other event you have reached the end of.
You'll move on :)
I only have girls too. After working with kids I'm glad I only have girls 😂
And as a mum of boys I’m glad I didn’t have girls 😂😂😂😂
And I’m a mum to 3 girls :) always pictured myself with a boy somewhere along the way but I wouldn’t have it any other way now and I’m 100% done having kids!
Just have one and work the rest out later. If I felt that strongly, I would. Who knows you might get a boy and if not, it won’t matter. You will love the baby all the same. Do it now before you hit 35! Wish I had one more but I left it too late to have a 4th. 2 girls 1 boy here! Go for it!
I have had my last baby recently. My partner is completely done and dusted. And its practical. Makes so much more sense. Having a 4th would mean all the same for us too, new house/car ect and change the dynamics so much. But I would always have a 4th a million times. I always wanted 4 and I always will. I dont think that feeling will ever go away and I expect it will be heightened as my last baby grows up and gets to an age where we could/would be trying for the next. And I just think that in time I would get past it and get over it. That feeling will always be there but will get easier, or at least I hope so.
It's a case of head and heart. And in the case of having babies I think its safer to think with your head.
It's hard to explain, but when you know you know. I had two kids very close together and even though I was completely overwhelmed, sleep deprived, I had the "pigeon pair" and life was crazy (and not that cute, manageable kind of crazy ) when people asked if I was done having kids I'd say no. Fell pregnant again when my then youngest was 13 months and and as soon as number 3 was born I was DONE, no doubt about it, and have never felt clucky once since then. Luckily husband was on the same page (he originally wanted 6, but soon revised that figured after actually having kids ,😂) I don't know if that "not done" feeling would have ever gone away if I hadn't had no 3, maybe it would have. I know people who are up to 6 kids because they never feel like they're done 🤷🏼♀️ but you've got to stop at some point right?