Why has my partner made it about himself and what should I do?
I live with my partner and our son in a different state to my eldest son to another man. My son in another state is a young adult who has recently been diagnosed with narcolepsy type 1 and schizophrenia and has been really struggling this week with his conditions. Instead of supporting me in dealing with my son, my partner has been verbally abusing me by mouth, by text msg and by email. It started because we were discussing moving from the place we're at now asap to be able to accommodate my eldest son coming to stay with us. The only suburb we're able to afford is a suburb that he doesn't like and when I suggested it he said 'why do I have to do something that I dont want to do.' Being stressed and just wanting to find a quick solution to support my son the best I can I replied with 'well you can just stay here 🤷‍♀️.' From that he started abusing me about being a terrible mother and that both my sons 'problems' are because I have neglected them, called my eldest son a retard, saying he hates me and has been telling me to leave because noone here cares about me (we currently live with his parents), has not let me drive the car to work and has threatened to call the police on me to remove me from the house. This has been going on for days now. I have blocked and ignored most of it and just carried on the best I could in helping my adult son and supporting my family and friends in the other state who are supporting my son. Now that my son is a bit more settled I have thought about my partners actions and words and am very confused as to why he has made this all about himself. He has not apologised or asked about my son. He has asd, is on the disability pension and doesn't work. Should I apologise and validate his feelings in regards to not wanting to move to a suburb that he doesn't want to move to?
19 Replies
People with newly diagnosed schizophrenia or epilepsy need care until they find the right meds it can take years. If you're willing to choose your tantruming partner over your son then there's something wrong there. I don't think you should be moving him interstate though where you have lack of support and also the change can exasperate either illness. Move to him where he has a wide network already in place. Leave your partner with his parents, I'm not sure why you would want to stay with him.
The reason for moving him out of state is to get him away from his own father who is supplying him drugs and telling him he doesn't have schizophrenia and kicking him out of home when he has episodes
ETA- If I move back to my home state then I would have to leave my younger school aged son behind
In this circumstance you may get an exemption to leave the state. There are other ways to get his father to stop giving him drugs, if your son has a drug problem he will find it no matter where you live. Schizophrenia is huge, you don't want to deal with that alone.
How do i apply for an exemption to leave the state with my younger son and what sort of time frame would I be looking at? I am also open to suggestions on how I can stop my eldest sons father from giving him drugs
Why would you have to leave him behind?
You have no reason to apologise he is being abusive regardless of the fact he has ASD. It's really up to you about what you think would be the best for your son, but you may need to move without partner and perhaps seek counselling together or on your own to get to what his behaviour is about.
I am open to counselling with my partner but he is not willing. I am thinking moving out without him is the best option for my eldest son and his needs
Wtf. Should you apologise????
You should delete his number and move yourself and your kids out and on.
You cant possibly stay with this?
Best thing for you. Regardless of your son and whatever your partners issues are, YOU do not need a partner that treats you like this and speaks to you like this.
I'm not sure how to move my son and myself out and on. He has rights as a father
Ah apologies I didnt realise you had a son with him. Youre right your son will still see him. You can still go ahead and move for your other son, in regards to your son with him, dont forget you have rights too xx
Ring 1800 respect and get some advice. They will help you. Get out of there, he sounds like a selfish pig.
Fuck his rights as a father. He’s an arse.
Thats right, you just take your son and go. You can explain clearly why you had tp do everything you have to do. Sort out custody ofthhe youngest after. You dont need permission, youre an adult.
If youre not sure, go to a womens centre and ask their advice, make sure you tell them his behaviours and the way he speaks so they have the full picture of the situation youre in.
You’re in a domestic violence situation. DV isn’t just physical.
The child’s rights trump the fathers rights, and the child has the right to a safe environment. You pack him and yourself up and you leave, call domestic violence services and they will help you.
Do not apologise to him! You support your son and why isn’t he letting you drive? And why are you allowing him to have this control over you. You need to stand up to him and if you can’t, get out. He sounds like a narcissist. Put your son first and do what is right for him. How dare he speak like that about your son. It shows what a pig he is. Move out without him.
No, you should not have to apologise to a grown ass man for putting one of your childrens needs first. You are not in the wrong and that toxic overgrown toddler needs to gtf over himself. I'm sorry he is guilting you for something that comes with being a parent. If he can't get on board, AND apologise to you, then you need to do some thinking about what you require in a relationship, not what you will settle for.
Sounds like a complete ASD Adult meltdown to me. He needs therapy. I very much doubt this is the first time you’ve seen this behaviour in your relationship. It evens sounds like borderline personality disorder.
Be very clear with him that this behaviour is not going to be accepted or tolerated. Change is scary for people on the spectrum but that is not excuse for that level of abuse. You might need to find your own place away from him.
Your partner is being an asshole and having a giant tantrum. His behaviour is terrible. Having said that, I wouldn’t be happy if my partner insisted we move to a suburb I didn’t like. Where is the compromise?
From your above comment it sounds like your son has drug induced schizophrenia. If you all were to move there and he is still doing drugs then you could be putting your other child in danger. Maybe you should leave your other child behind and go there by yourself. If he is a drug addict you can’t fix that, he needs professional help.