Am I wrong for punishing my child (12yo), for actions and choices made at their other parents house?
We don't allow any social media other then messenger kids. Last year, my daughter slept over at my sisters, her cousins and her, got on snap and bullied one of my daughters friends and I was so appalled at the things the girls said. I confiscated her phone, and banned for 3 months and all social indefinently other them messenger kids.
This week she's at her other parents house, and it seems she has a snap account again. She's bullying this same girl, with her other cousin and step sister. I talked to her uncle to let him know what his daughter is upto. No point in saying anything to her step sisters parent as they won't care, and my daughters other parent, well, they don't give too hoots.
We are angry at the hidden snap account at the horrid things said to this other girl, who happens to be my sons (11yo) girlfriend. My daughters other parent says we can't do anything as she's at their house and allows snap. When she comes home, I'll be confiscating her phone, and she will be banned from tablets also.
Am I in the wrong....? Would you punnish your child for this kind of behaviour done at their other parents house?
Bullying via snap at other parents home, and consequences when they come home
Bullying via snap at other parents home, and consequences when they come home
Posted in:
Behaviour
11 Replies
Its a fine line. You cant rule what happens at dads place, and if you try youre setting yourself up for your kid to walk all over you. You cant follow through. So you cant ban snapchat or internet at his.
You definitely can follow through on behaviours she's shown. Regardless of when and where she was when it happened, if someones shown you messages shes sent then you hold her responsible.
She can learn you cant control her at dads, but she is responsible for what she does online, because its there for all to see, it doesnt go away.
Is the boy not the dad's son? Would he care more if his own son told him about it rather than you?
The son and daughter are mine. The girl being bullied is my daughters old best friend, but her brothers girlfriend. The people bullying this girl are my daughter, her step sister and her cousin.
They are all in year 5 and 6 at school.
Im dad, using my wifes account. They are at their mother's who they see rarly, their mother's choice. This all started over my son not wanting to go to his mums on the first day, as he wanted to take his gf to the park for a date. Because his mum is in and out of his life we told him we would drop him at his mums the next day. His cousin then got abusive in messenger kids, so I locked his account, then she used my daughters snap to msg his girlfriend.
I dont think it just happens to be his gilfriend. Theyre targeting her and I also wouldnt be surprised if mum is causing the problem. Makes it really tricky when grown adults cant act right and drag their kids through this. Just make sure it doesnt impact your relationship with your daughter as you want to guiding her through her teens.
I might even sit down and talk with her, get to the bottom of whats going on first before going back to the bully behaviour being disgusting.
Drag her to the police station or drag her over to this girls house and make her apologise. Little B.! Teach her a lesson and embarras her bad so she will think twice next time.
Not in the wrong at all! Do what you have to do x
Children, hell people of any age, need to be held accountable for bullying.
This isn't different houses, different rules issue. This is becoming a pattern of behavior from your daughter, someone needs to take responsibility for it! If your daughter's other parent has their head too far up their ass to deal with it, you do what you've gotta do!
Sounds like all the kids go to school together as well (or at least your kids and the targeted girl). I'd be highly surprised if this bullying hasn't carried over into real life. It's more than likely occurring in the playground at school too. I think it would be sensible and proactive to fill their class teacher and principal in about everything.
If this girl who's being targeted is your son's girlfriend, surely you know her parents, I'd be filling them in as well. I'd also be inclined to suggest taking your daughter around to this girls house and having her acknowledge her wrong doings in person.
Imo it doesn't matter where it happens. Bullying must be held to account & she must be aware it'll be dealt with - being at her other parents home isn't a free pass.
I'd remove her phone permanently. Not getting it back until the behaviour stops. It's a priveledge, not a right & use it to hurt someone & you can't have it.
Look up Dolly's Dream. The website has resources on dealing with bullying from both sides. There's a resource under Parent Hub on how to deal with teens who are bullying.
Yes, definitely would punish my child when they come home.
Take out the whole "what happens at dad's house/mum's house" issue and just focus on educating your daughter on the damage bullying can do.