Hi there
So I’m not sure what I should do… I love my partner of 8 years, we have a nearly 4 yr old daughter together…but things have been really rocky for prob at least a year…
It’s become apparent that we hold different views and opinions when it comes to certain things… I feel he can be very racist and homophobic- things which I am definitely not!
I’m sure he has always been this way, but didn’t used to let me see that side of him… when I do see it I find it so unattractive and it turns me off big time… to the point where the thought of touching him and being touched by him sexually is not a nice thought…
I’ve told him how I feel about there things, but he insists he won’t be fake and it’s just how he feels!
I guess my question is do I just try to ignore these things and stay with him for the sake of the family unit? Or should I just end it and move on… I’m so torn…
I do love him and our daughter loves him… I don’t want to destroy her world, but I’m just so torn and unhappy about these traits of his…
Different morals in a relationship
Different morals in a relationship
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
8 Replies
Just move on. Jesus he repulses you to the point you can't touch him , and worst is he his it to catch you and now is a pig about it now you're stuck. Nope.
He "doesn't want to be fake" but he hid these extreme views from you long enough to build a relationship and a life with you. The fucking irony in that...
Move on, I doubtful he'll ever reach a place of tolerance and acceptance. Typically people who hold these kind of views get more outspoken as they get older. I also think a relationship is pretty well beyond repair if you find his touch repellant.
I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who hates, dislikes, thinks less of or discriminates against people because of the colour of their skin and/or their sexual preferences.
I have literally cut friends off for using racial slurs, it's not something I could tolerate from my life partner.
Not only that but your daughter is getting to the age that she'll really be taking all this stuff in, do you want her being influenced this way?
You stay and learn to live with it, you're teaching her that you condone this kind of hatred.
Racism and homophobia are deal breakers for me. Disgusting behaviour. Leave him!
Bluff him and move out until he changes his behaviour. He is prob set in his ways and how he has been raised.
Yep it's not about different morals it's about respect, he can choose to show it to you or not.
Oh my f**king god!!!
Did I post this in my sleep?😱
My partner is the same!
But, we’re 10 years in.
He does however seem to be ‘ok’ with homosexuality to a small degree (or so he says🙄), but he’s always talking about them as if they’re different.
He is also strongly against gay marriage. I ask him why, and he says he believes that marriage is only for man and woman. Then he I ask him what marriage means to him and he says ‘when two people commit themselves together forever’. ‘And two people with the same genitalia between their legs can’t do that?’. ‘Yeah, but they can’t call it marriage.’ 🤯🤯🤯😡
THEN I said, ‘so if our sons were gay and one of them came up to you and said ‘I’m getting married, X proposed’, would you go to their wedding?’ He said he’d have to think about it!!!🤯 in other words, NO.
F**k me!
Let’s not even get started on the racist remarks he always makes. 😡
If I knew the REAL him all those years ago, I would have NEVER stayed with him.
Funny how these things come out AFTER you’re tied down for years.
But one thing I love is, we’re not married. He wants to get married.
I won’t ever marry him, because I’m strongly FOR marriage equality. Just my little kick in the face for his outdated views.
(If he got down on one knee in public, I’d laugh and walk off.)
I’m raising our sons knowing that homosexuality is ok. I don’t even give it a label. It’s just love to me. Their dad gets all ‘eye roll’ when I tell them that they can love whoever they love.
Should’ve seen the reaction on his face when our eldest said he’s going to have a boyfriend because girls suck. 😂 (he’s only 8 but a total ladies man).
I just tell him ‘if you want a boyfriend, go right ahead’.
Also, I’ll be leaving their dad when I have the means to do so. 👍🏻
Did you not have these conversations with him prior to settling down?
Every serious relationship I've been in, before getting really serious I have these conversations or start smaller conversations to get the information out in another way.
Surely after 8 years and a chils you would have been this before?
But if his views are repulsive to you, leave. I've learnt that you can like someone to the full extent, you'll rarely be able to change these types of views.
The only thing I've ever clashed with a person on my view point (that I've changed), was with my now husband on greyhound racing. We had an in depth discussion I provided my valid points and he changed his mind and he is totally against it.
I had an ex that I didn't appreciate some of his comments regarding certain races - wasn't really racist but wasn't nice. We had a discussion about it and I realised he probably wouldn't change this. So after a few more of these comments - it was done.
You have given no examples
You could be super sensitive and interpreting something that he is not because you are hyper vigilant to some topics, just a thought