Do you ever just get bogged down by the way us women can be so cruel to each other?
Lately, I feel like cattiness is something I cannot escape. It's kind of disheartening!
For example, I spent the day with my mum and my aunties on the weekend. I love them all to death but it really hit me how snarky they can be! The whole day consisted of gossiping, judging of people's lifestyles or parenting, making unnecessary comments about people's appearances/weight/fashion choices. Very little in the way of meaningful conversation actually took place.
It's the exact same sort of vibe at work, within my social circle, my daughters who are only 9 and 11 are experiencing the same sort of thing at school.
I was at a gender reveal party recently, as soon as a particular guest left it became like a shit talking free for all. I ended up leaving shortly after because I just dont have the energy for this sort of thing that other women seem to live for.
Another recent example, I saw a really nasty side to a woman I had previously come to respect and look up to.
Just today I stopped at a bakery for breaky and a coffee (no lockdown or covid restrictions where I live), the girls at the next table were talking so viciously about the cashier. It's only a small bakery too so I'd be very surprised if the cashier didn't hear them or sense they were talking about her.
I'm very shy and non confrontational, I actually wish I was brave enough to have said something to them.
All that's not even touching on the sheer bitchiness that's so prevalent on social media!
I guess my biggest question is, why do we do this to each other? I'm not perfect, I know I've probably had my bitchy moments I'm just kind of stumped at what it is we get out of being like this?
I would bet that every single one of us has been on the receiving end and knows how shitty it feels, so why?
9 Replies
I was taken aback by someone who actually took the time to not only bitch about a colleague but take a sneaky photo of him sitting on the floor with his butt crack showing which, I doubt, he knew nothing about.
Yes, the person in question is challenging to work with and does cause some social issues. But that's because of his disability. His social awkwardness and abilities should be met with understanding however I have expressed frustration and would rather not have his help as he gets in the way.
But it was really unfair to make fun of him and if he knew about the photo, he'd be hurt.
I hate this side of human nature.
I find it exhausting too and just keep to myself mostly. I do think there's been a positive shift in recent years where women are more supportive of each other and hopefully in a few more generations the bitchiness will be less. It isn't just women though, men can be just as bad. People think it's only women that do this but it isn't. We live in a small town and the men are quick to run people down as soon as they turn their back and judge other people's cars, wives, jobs, licences etc. Its a bit of old fashioned sexism shining through to think of women as the bitchy, gossipy types when men can do the same thing and it's not a big deal.
I feel what you are saying to my core.
I am in a family that is judgemental, homophobic and racially prejudice all amongst other things.
It exhausts me to no end, but I also am not one to speak up. Instead I listen or join in on the small laughter, I guess you can say in doing so I am an enabler but I love my family and cannot handle the confrontation.
I just walk away. I'm not in highschool and stuck with people now.
I don’t hang out with people like this anymore! It brings out the worst in me and I used to come away thinking why was I part of such a terrible bashing session. I’m sure those girls bitched about me behind my back too, happy to be free of the negativity!
This is why I keep to myself. I honestly don’t think people mean it or realise how they sound. I think it more of conversation starters or something for them to talk about. They need to think of something else. It then becomes a habit. I’ve been to shy to speak up at times and find I end up going Along with the conversation which I later regret. Now I just distance myself from people. I like those friends that know how to break this and have the right words, I just don’t. I’m so crap when it comes to social things. I think my anxiety takes over and I get in the convo that I really don’t want to be involved with. I’m can’t stand all that. We need to lift people up and support people.
When I hear people like this, I step right away and know they aren’t my people. I limit contact with everyone now.
Honestly - it’s usually a sign of own self worth.
Occasionally boredom, the need to fill lives with some type of drama.
I’m super lucky, I have friends who would never treat me like this, and whom we have a positive support network. It’s hard. But find your people and when people start negative talking, I compliment the person/thing they’re bashing. And I keep doing it. I won’t allow someone else negatives break my stride.
For instance “xyz had gained so much weight and is a slob…” I say “I find her engaging and just love her style”
Delete the negatives and focus on the positives
I'm too old and grumpy to put up with shit behaviour. I have a small group of friends now so do not have to experience this utter shittiness!