Hi sisterhood,
I am needing some advice or help with how to deal with a reoccurring situation, surely I can not be the only person dealing/dealt with this. Stick with me here I’ll give you a bit of history
My child is 13 years old and has not met their biological father or even spoken on phone . Not because I have stopped him, but because father does not stick with anything. I have always been open to the idea never badmouthing father etc but the father was completely absent until age 7 and since then I hear from him once a year at tax time and when Childsupport catch up with him. Then drops off the face of the earth again until next tax time.
Every year at tax time I get a barrage of abuse and spamming emails text and calls calling me every name under the sun and threatening legal action if I don’t give him money back or allow “access” to his child. Of course this year is no different. Except I just didn’t respond, I’m done. We have done mediation in the past and I held up my end giving him ways to be able to contact my child. But of course he doesn’t keep up with it. There was a few emails last year to the child but nothing this year and zero attempts to contact me asking about child etc.
Here is the thing my child doesn’t want to meet his biological father. Now I am a compassionate person and I’m sure hearing this must have sucked but my child is old enough now to know what is going on and has seen him come and go for the last 7 years.
Of course if father engages legal action I will do the same and get legal advice however has anyone ever been through this? I hope it doesn’t come to this but it stresses me out so much. What can I do to support my child? We always have open age appropriate conversations re father. But This must be hard for the kids … what more can I offer to the father? Honestly I feel like I have offered everything for father to have relationship with child but he doesn’t continue.
Does anyone else get tired of being made to be the bad person? I just know how I’m being portrayed and I hate it cause I know I’ve done the right thing. I’ve also kept a diary the whole time. This shows large gaps up to 2.5years where father goes missing.
Any advice, words or wisdom or encouragement is welcomed.
3 Replies
By the time they are 13 a court hearing will mean nothing. The child by then gets to have a say. And block all the fathers communication to you. Stop responding if you are. It doesn’t matter how big gaps in time are, he’s still the father. But because of your child’s age you have that as a bonus as it’s going to be up to him
Nothing you offer the dad will help. At this point I’d block his phone number and just let him contact you (if he bothers) through email.
Offering him things won’t get him to parent and at 13 the courts won’t force your child to have a relationship, especially with someone as uninvolved as you say.
I’d probably just ask your child if they’d like to speak to a counsellor about anything, but just generally making sure they are loved by you, will go a long way.
You don't have to offer anything. The history speaks for itself. Do not offer him anything. Continue to block and ignore.