I need some advice
My 12yo daughter has been sneaking out at night and I’ve busted her…
I’ve spoken at length about her safety etc and am more about talking with her than yelling at her about her choices.
She has had her phone taken from her and no more sleepovers or friends over anymore and will certainly be kept under closer supervision.
She is now at her dads and he has flown off the handle. Smashed her phone with an axe, messed up her room and is calling her the school slut and says she’s not his daughter anymore.
She doesn’t want to be at his house but we have a week on week off arrangement.
If I go get her she will be in more trouble when she returns.
I feel horrible leaving her in a toxic and verbally abusive environment.
If she was older and was being verbally abused by a boyfriend I’d go get her and tell her it’s unacceptable and an abusive relationship. But this is her own father…
He is also threatening to me and saying our communication about the kids depends on me cancelling my child support stunt…
I have 4 kids between 9-12 years old and a single mum now and starting my career again after caring for the kids.
What can I do???
Daughter being verbally abused by her father
Daughter being verbally abused by her father
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
6 Replies
OK, so I don't agree with the verbal abuse but sneaking out at 12 needs way more than talking to. I would have hit the roof. You can't have taken her phone if she still had it for him to break. I would have broken it too and wouldn't get her another one until she grows up. She wouldn't know where to meet up with her friends if she didn't have her phone. You and Dad need to work together on this one or you will be dealing with a whole lot worse over the next few years.
Unfortunately it sounds like you don't coparent well. So that leaves parenting separately, which means you don't communicate to him about his methods, and if you're not going to go pick her up, you instruct your child to call police if she feels scared for her safety or if the situation is abuse.
Why is he threatening you? It sounds like you are interfering though, to some point? How is she telling you all this?
I agree with above. Abuse is absolutely not ok and have been through similar as a teen and can tell you it absolutely is not a parenting approach, it's a way to push her away and make her feel like shit, but if you're the opposite then he'll drive her to it and you'll open the door and watch her go, probably give her some spending money on top. Is it possible to work together on a strategy you can both agree on?
Put your shit aside with him. Organise a meeting just the 2 of you and work out a plan together. Time to put any personal feelings aside and work together on your daughter. He is prob fed up and it’s pushed him to the brink. Work together for your daughter.
12 year old sneaking out, that’s really scary, I have a 14 year old.
Dad is obviously upset about the whole situation, not doing a great job and you also haven’t stopped the behaviour. Surely you can see there needs to be more than talking, this is a safety issue.
You two urgently need to meet, work out a plan and get this sorted together.
Stop the blame game, admit you’re both failing and work it out for your daughters sake.
He’s obviously an engaged parent, having his kids 50/50, you need to support each other.
How much child support does he have to pay if it’s 50/50?
I know this has happened over a week ago now, but Mumma bear here would have called Police Link to request a welfare check on daughter at Dad's place as soon as I heard there was trouble. Also would be arranging some mediation between mum and dad through Relationships Australia. Another good thing to do would be to get some counseling through the school, ask to speak with the Guidance Officer, or ask Relationships Australia if they can help you access help for your daughter and help set healthy boundaries.
Far out regardless if they parent separately HIS reaction is abusive and in no way okay.
My kids have done some stupid shit but to smash up their belonging and say those things. That is NOT ok.