Even though many friends say its absolute bullshit and rude of the paediatrician, today I was told my son should be talking already at 18m and the fact that he says, mum, dad, nan, yes, no and sings a few words of nursery rhymes is not good enough?
Am I a shit mother? We always read, sing songs, and explain what everything is that he looks toward or touches.
What else do I do??
I feel so sick to the stomach. I've failed at the one thing I've wanted my entire life.
15 Replies
I've not had anything decent from peads & many mothers I know have been shamed, made to like a failure & told they're making it up. I've been failed by two different peads - one bordering on negligence, one I had to go elsewhere because they wouldn't listen to me (I was right).
You got this. You're most definitely not failing & all kids are different. DD was talking in sentences at 18m & everyone was shocked. DS at 3. If you're concerned get a second opinion, but please, please stop letting it make you feel sick!
Btw if your child, at any stage, needs intervention that's not a failure or fault on anyone's part.
The only advice on speaking I can give is to make sure your child has to speak. I realised we were letting DS get away with pointing & we'd insert the words for him! Oops!
What you need to do is ignore the clown who said that. Some kids I know, didn’t talk until they were 3 - 4, they are fine now. Can’t believe he would tell you that. So stupid. Every kid is different and there is no Rush!
You have failed at nothing. Don’t know why you are even listening to this so called professional. Move on. Your son is doing well and you have done everything right. He might speak more tomorrow, the next day or next year. It doesn’t matter. He is happy and healthy and that is all that matters. It is rude of him to say that and you don’t have to listen to it. Don’t doubt yourself because of him. Ignore it and carry on Being an awesome mum.
Oh mama 😘
Having a few words in his vocabulary is pretty much developmentally on track for an 18 month old.
Two of my kids didn't speak in full sentences until they were aged 3+, both of them are now very articulate teenagers.
You're not a shit mum and you have not failed, sounds like you're doing all the right things actually.
What you do have is a shit paediatrician and if anyone has failed its them!
This is a highly emotive topic - do you feel you took his words personally?
It’s not personal - the specialist maybe concerned.
18 months I wouldn’t expect full sentences but words maybe coming together in 2-3 at a time.
This isn’t a failing of you or your son - this is his learning pathway. Some are quicker some are slower but usually they all end up at the same point.
Early intervention is key though if there is developmental concerns.
I had a child with a speech delay/impairment. Does that mean I am a failure and a shit mother?
That aside - Speech therapy at this age is stuff you're already doing anyway. It's reading, it's singing, it's talking, it's enunciating your words, it's encouraging your child to repeat you.
This isn't about you. Both my children were the same as yours at 18 months. We started speech therapy when they were older. One is ASD and the other isn't. The doctor will be on guard for any issues impacting on speech development for early intervention IF required.
Thinking it's your fault is like me saying I'm a bad mum because my son walked at 15 months but was brilliant the second time around because my daughter was walking at 7 months. Not at all relevant!
That's what I was thinking, the failure/shit mum mindset is kind of insulting to anyone who's kids do have speech issues. Developmental delays are so common, very rarely are they a result of poor parenting.
It’s not insulting at all. As a mum she feels responsible and feels shit about it, blaming herself. Nothing to do with others. This is her feelings and her story not anyone else’s. I’ve felt like a shit mum plenty of times. It’s about me and no one else. It’s standard that us mums blame ourselves and feel like failures when things aren’t right.
My son has only just started exploding with words and sentences at 2.5. This is completely normal and your child sounds like they are saying more than mine did at 18 months! I wouldn’t be concerned yet
You're NOT a shit mother.
You're a great Mum with a shit doctor. Single words at 18 months is utterly normal.
I think you have to remember that paediatricians don't say things from a judgemental point of view but a developmental point of view. So if the paediatrician makes an observation and tells you what it is, it's not really something to get offended over. The paediatrician has made an observation and I highly doubt he/she is blaming you or meant to make you feel bad. You also took your child to a paediatrician for a reason so were you concerned about your child's development?
Lol wtf! My 2.5 year old is talking but seems to be behind for his age. He’s the youngest and I put it down to that. Your bubba is still young. Ignore that crap.
Firstly - your paed or GP is just doing their job. There are generic milestones that they inform us of to watch out for delays. But as others said - it’s a spectrum. Our health nurse said the same thing at our 18months checkup with our 4th. He barely uttered mum/dad. However he just turned 2 and his talking is out of control!
Secondly - don’t throw your hands up in the air in a defeated tantrum because one person told you something. As a mother you’re going to hear things about your child that you don’t like. Roll with it. Breathe. Think. Then work out what you’re going to do about it. How you’re going to tackle the issue. Ask questions, do research. Talk. Communicate.
Thirdly - there are plenty of mums with children that have many delays that aren’t “shit mums”. I get that your upset but just check yourself there.