My partner and i have a 4mth old son. While i was pregnant i brought up the subject of cots after baby outgrew the bassinette. (We have a 4baby co sleeper so still have a few months before that happens.) My partner angrily burst out with "if you bring a cot into our house i.ll burn it!"
I knew he had lost 2 family members to SIDS and both had been in cots when it happened. Since then some babies in the extended family have spent their entire 1st 2yrs sleeping in portacots. This is seen as "safer" because there are no bars.
I am struggling to come up with a compromise because im refusing to have our son sleep in a portacot long term and i dont want money wasted by having a cot burnt. I have tried SIDS research and all sorts to try and get my partner to change his mind but nothing doing. Its an extreme fear that will not be changed.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
I had thought of a cot mattress on the floor or wooden pallet next to my bed with those mesh bed rails.
Bed options vs SIDS fear
Bed options vs SIDS fear
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler
14 Replies
Hey,
It is worth him having some counselling, did his family members die of SIDS (which is completely unpreventable) or suffocation due to non-safe sleep?
There's definitely a big difference between the two and it might be worth getting him to fact check and understand that SIDS is completely sudden and random.
You could maybe negotiate a cot with breathing sensors and an owlet monitor or a Snuza :)
You can use a product called an Airwrap. It's a mesh liner for the inside of the cot (just saw on target website). No solid or loose fabric to suffocate baby, won't restict airflow & no access to bars. Also sleeping bags instead of blankets.
I used both the items & found them safe & effective.
Mattress on the floor. Not impressed with 'angry outburst' though. Guy needs to calm down, step back and look at safe options for your baby.
If you're putting mattress next to your bed, Id suggest taking your base down/out so your mattress is also on the floor. Just too high risk having a baby on the floor in the dark where you guys stand/walk/trip.
Having any mattress directly on the floor is a huge mold risk due to dampness from bodies etc and a lack of air flow.
Cot mattress on the floor will be more dangerous, even a very young baby can wriggle their way off. Then you have choking hazards and getting stuck in places. I would rather my baby in a cot. Whether that be a normal cot or a portacot it doesn't matter. His family have associated cots with SIDS and it probably comes from the old fashioned term "cot death", which is understandable when they have lost 2 babies, but there's no reason to fear cots made to current day standards, there's no danger. I think your partner needs to have a chat with a SIDS counsellor or a professional in that area to give him the low down on safety standards and answer any questions.
Get current info from your child and maternal health nurse or GP with current SIDS guidelines. Take your partner along to appointments so he can discuss it with them as well. Follow all the guidelines but if SIDS is going to happen, then it won’t matter where baby is sleeping.
Poor guy, he is obviously affected by it. There would be something you can do differently and he deserves to be heard. He wouldn’t have meant to react that way. He hurts deep down and wouldn’t know how to deal with it.
Straight to a single mattress on a low low bed, or a toddler bed with side rail and place against the wall securely, or buy a cot and an angel card system. That way if anything is happening, you’ll be alarmed by the system and prevent it.
I’ve had 2 kids go straight into a toddler bed from their bassinet. They hated being in the cot. They wore a sleeping bag and there were no blankets or pillows in with them. I never had to do it but you can also get a mesh side rail to go in the gap if you’re worried about baby rolling out
I get that this is a deep seeded fear for him and that can make people behave irrationally but the way you describe this situation it kind of sounds like he actually would set fire to a cot if you bought one.
That doesn't really sit right with me, that sort of reaction seems kind of threatening to be honest. Setting fire to things in order to prove a point or get one's way is really not the precedent I'd want being set in my relationship.
I also think it's worth noting that babies have died from becoming entrapped between a wall and a matress. That would be my main concern about a matress on the floor. I honestly think I'd prefer a portacot.
I'd encourage him to speak with a counsellor and do an infant CPR course, that may give him some reassurance. I think there's even a SIDS hotline, speaking to someone who's trained in that area and can give him correct information may also be helpful.
Oh come on, how could you possibly come up with that just from an anonymous post? People say silly things like that all the time, I said something similar about a spider in the house. My MIL said the same thing about a bloody thermomix lol. It doesn't mean they are actually going to burn something lol. It just means he does not want a cot in his house.
OP literally said in her post that she doesn't want to waste money on a cot that would get burnt, does that not suggest intent and not just a figure of speech?
You don't have to like my opinion but I stand by everything I said.
I have an angel care monitor for my child because I have a huge SIDS fear to as my niece passed away at 8 months old to SIDS she wasn’t in a cot but staying at her nans house with her parents right beside her in a portacot, it doesn’t matter where they are or what they are sleeping for SIDS to occur sadly but you can get clips for their Nappies that monitor the baby’s breathing and will alarm if needed also I have an angel care monitor that does the same thing monitors movement and breathing and alarms when needed. Also possible fo your advanced first aide course I did just incase I ever needed it. It will help him a little as it helped me knowing that if it alarms you can do your first aide training.