Please no harsh comments or judgement.
I've been in a dv relationship years ago and fell pregnant. I kept my little girl. Who has a world of problems. Hearing loss adhd, she's intellectually challenged. I've had her full time for 6 years. It's tough
Along comes another man. And I think im in an emotionally abusive relationship again. He gaslight me. Has yelled and sworn at me to get the f... out of his house. He always comes back and tells me he loves me. And we try again. When ever I ask something of him he turns him self into the victim and me the bad guy.
We were going so well at one point. He was following through with his words. We tired for a baby and we got one. Im 10 weeks. He was wrapped being early 40s and never having a kid he was so happy. He is 16 years older than me. He went into full on future mode. Asked what we want in out life's with money. Do we won't to invest in a big house or travel. Do we want to get married now at the court house or have a wedding. We sat down worked it all out. I was so happy and I felt he was too. Then bam he changed. Said my daughter was to much for him he doesn't want to live with her it would be easier with out her.. said she's to much he can't cope. Tells me how bad it is she isn't writing her name in kindy. (He is a teacher) says she's the worst kid in all of his 20 years of teaching that he has meet. She is embarrassing and her behaviour is disgusting he never has anything nice to say about her.
I have HG and he hasn't been here. I asked him to come round last night and he said he has the dogs at his he can't come (we bought a puppy together). I asked him to bring them to mine.. he said I should come to his. I was vomiting my guts up.. It was a big deal to him.. then he called me selfish. Said his mum was dying and I don't give a s... I just want him to be woth me 24/7. Turned him self into the victim. I didn't ask that I just asked for him to pop in and help me. I drove round to his.. vomiting every where because I needed him and he wasn't even home!! He took the puppy and went out. Thats why he didn't come over. But was telling me he was at home and couldn't leave the puppy with his older dog.. why is he lying to me. He said he was at someone's house who cares about him and his mum dying.
A year ago I lost my dog. He came with me that day and the next he left me after I cried all night with him. He then sucked me back in. He said I don't care about his mum dying as pay back for what he did when my dog died.. I try so hard to support him. Every time he says to me he doesn't want it or he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about it.. so what can I do then im being sworn at for not calling him when he doesn't ever pick up my calls..
I don't know if this is emotional abuse or if he just isn't right or if im just not right..
But im pregnant and last night he told me he isn't a family man and never will be. Has said he will take me to court for full custody. He keeps saying he isn't a dad yet the baby isn't here. Keeps telling me im just with him so my daughter can have a dad and he will never be it. Has said he doesn't want to live with me or see me and my daughter. Did he just want a baby..
I cant do this on my own again. I have PTSD as it is from my past and right now I'm self halming, last night I wanted to end my life. He came into my house and saw me in the shower I feel if he didn't I would have ended my life right there and then. I feel like I asked to much of him to just love me, I've snooped so low. I feel like I was when I was with my first partner. Hopeless and helpless. I've always been against abortions but now I feel like i need one. I want to be free from this man. He is mean to my daughter he is mean to me. He has never lived with a women before and I'm seeing why. He has a temper and a mean mouth. He has yelled at ny daughter before told her off that it even scared me. Called her disgusting as she stuck her middle finger up at him because he does that to me and she's just copied him. She didn't know she wasn't aloud to do that. But he lost it completely with her. Then told me it will be me and her vs him and he will never be able to discipline her but yet says he will never be a father figure to her.. I feel like he would crush her too. I'm only just seeing all this now of him.
Im scared to be trapped to him. He has money I can't fight him in court. He took our puppy and told me he isn't safe with me now I self halmed. I've had the puppy full time as his other dog will kill it. I feel that was a mean comment to kick me while I was down. I havnt self halmed in years now. My head is very bad. Im sick of all this gaslight and coming and going. I'm actually going crazy now. My head hurts im sweating and shaking all the time
All I asked was if he could come around and we fought for 4 hours. I don't love him im hating him now.
Im so lost and alone. I don't have family near me and I don't have many friends. I'm s... scared.
Has any one had an abortion and been mentally okay after? I've woken today and I feel a bit free knowing he drove away last night after not saying goodbye or anything knowing he won't be back.. to he decides to say he loves me and will change.
All im feeling towards this baby is regret, trapped like its about to change mine and my daughters lives. I hate this pregnant I've already done it all on my own being called selfish and to suck it up with the HG. I've been in hospital alone. I don't want to be with this man in any way. Please tell me it's going to be okay?
Sorry bit of a rant too. But boy if feels good to stop pretending and just let it all out
Termination
Termination
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
18 Replies
1300 139 313 - Pregnancy help Australia, it's free and confidential.
1800RESPECT - domestic violence hotline. Also free and confidential.
I think calling both these services would be really beneficial for you.
I wish I had some more advice or words of reassurance for you but I am really sorry you're going through this.
I am also truly disturbed that this man is a teacher, he has no business educating young minds with the attitude he has.
I have had 2 abortions, one before kids when I was 14 and another after kids at 36. You would think the one later would have been the hardest one but it wasn't, I knew it was the right choice for everyone including that baby I have zero regrets.
As someone that has had to co parent (if you can call it that) with a monster than I say you would be doing the right thing by terminating. Tell him you lost the baby, don't tell him you terminated, he sounds unpredictable. Everything you have written here and there's not even one positive reason for having a child to this man. How he is with you, your daughter and the puppy should give you a glimpse of the future. It's only going to get worse.
Yes definitely terminate now before it’s too late! Then block him on everything and have no contact. Even change your locks and get a dvo if you feel unsafe. You are strong and better than this crazy creep!
I had a termination and it's never bothered me. I mean, you get the occasional thought of "what if", but I have always known it was the right thing. In saying that, I've also always known I never wanted children.
This man is flat out abusive to you AND to your daughter. And he will continue to be, forever. And he'll get sick of the baby in very short order and you're on your own, until he needs someone to lash out at.
Seriously, speak to the services someone listed above, get the termination and cut him out of your life permanently.
Get a new puppy and focus on your daughter and your own mental health.
I'm with you sister! You do not need to be tied to this piece of shit a second longer and your mental health is relying on you.
You don't need him.
You don't need his house.
Or his money.
Tell him to keep the dog.
Move on without regrets. It wasn't meant to be this time around.
DO NOT GET SUCKED BACK IN.
This is the hard part. The sucking up.
Screen shot your post.
When you start thinking maybe he's changed... read back on how you feel right now. Then tell him to fuck off.
I've had 2 abortions and have 0 regrets. Went thru my local public hospital and it was quick, without any dramas. Look after yourself and your little girl.
Omg you need to get right away from him!! He is nuts and he is a teacher? Wow what a complete looney. Do what you have to do and cut him off. He may have another life. I would never let anyone speak about my kids like that.
You can not stay with this pig of a thing! you need to get as far away as possible. Tell him you are having an abortion and want nothing more to do with him. Then either do it alone and don’t put his name on the birth certificate or have an abortion. You will be tied to him for life otherwise. You need to hurry it up if you want an abortion. Don’t let this man back near your daughter or you.
Get rid of him cut all contact with him now after you tell him it’s over and you are having an abortion, then decide what to do but you need to cut contact asap.
Reach out to your dad, are you still living close to him?
Please don’t feel bad for terminating, you know you don’t want to do it all alone again.
Sever ties with this guy and do more work on yourself.
Please don’t start self harming again, do you have a psychologist you can talk to?
This man is poisonous… no child needs this type of parent. Running away won’t help as humans have a need to know where they come from. Eventually your child will want to meet his/her father. Child won’t win either way. Personally I’d not play Russian Roulette. Move on and heal choose better for yourself and your existing child. I mean really better. This whole thing is chaos and he couldn’t have possibly shown you any more red flags if he intended! You deserve better… your child deserves better and you hold the cards. Decide to live a better life. Your whole post is hectic 😔
You need to leave him completely.
If I were you, I'd have the termination and get healthy while being single. Tell him you lost the baby. He can't legally request your medical records. He sounds like a loose canon.
Your daughter needs a happy, healthy mum. She doesn't need a dickhead step father hurting both her and her mother.
You got this.
I couldn't read all of it because wow what an ass. I am so sorry you have gone through all of this is it not your fault. You are an amazing mum to your daughter and she is not too hard or difficult and there isn't anything wrong with her.
Please don't take that guy back regardless of what he says. Look back he has said a lot and promised all you wanted but the second he gets what he wants he shows his true colours.
Do what's right for you with this pregnancy. Everything will be okay, it might be hard but you will get there.
An abortion is something only you know if you can go through with. Personally I would probably terminate as if he is this nuts now, imagine a life time with this BS. for your safety don't tell him what is happening. just tell him you have had miscarriage . I am not normally one for lying but your safety needs to come first. Also his words about your daughter and dogs screams volumes, what if this baby had additional needs? he would be gone too. Hold your head high and get on with life.
If this were me I would absolutely be having a termination and running far far away from this man.
I’m so thankful you are seeing the red flags now so you have time to make this choice. I didn’t until it was too late and now I’m tied to the most vile human being ever.
You should not feel guilty. I would expect to feel nothing but relief. You don’t deserve this and right now you have the power to take control and put your life back in your hands. You and your daughter will find someone who treats you both right and there is plenty of time for another baby later with someone who isn’t a sociopath
I have had an abortion not because I didn't want a baby but because I was in a relationship just like this! Never ever regretted it, so glad I don't have a life long tie to a guy that made me feel worthless. Best decision i ever made. I now have a child to a man who is supportive, kind and doesn't use my past against me.
Please get out and get out now. You and your daughter deserve much better. If I knew a teacher that taught my children was as vile and nasty as this man is I’d make it my life goal to never let them near children again. My opinion and only mine is that your daughter needs to come first and you need to get both yourself and her as far away as possible. If he enters your home and yells and frightens you and your daughter ring the police he should not be near children if he acts like this. As for your new pregnancy only you know your own strength to get through this but remember if you choose to keep the baby then this disgusting piece of shit will be apart of your lives forever. Sending you so much love and I really hope you get through this and out the other stronger than you can ever imagine.
Your body, your choice. My sister had an abortion when she realised she was in an abusive relationship. It was the best decision.
The fact that this man is a teacher is actually very scary.
I don’t think you would regret an abortion given the circumstances right now for you and your daughter. Cut ties with this awful human.