I just want to go back to being a stay at home mum.
I’m exhausted from work and still doing l the mum stuff. I don’t understand how people manage to maintain a house, work 40 hours, and still have time for their families. I feel like I’m constantly angry and stressed and out house is always trashed. I’ve let my standards go completely and there’s honestly no time for anything after work, we do dinner and then bedtime.
I used to have a clean home, a happy child and time for my partner. Now everything seems to be a mess.
How do you make it work? How is it even possible, there’s no way we can outsource housework as a cleaner will blow our savings budget.
While having more money is nice I think I’d rather be broke again.
I hate being a working mum.
I hate being a working mum.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Money
12 Replies
Lots of strict routines and everyone pulls there weight, other wise it all goes under very quickly!
Look at where you waist time. Only shop once a week, maximum. You save more time by having a menu and shopping once and sticking to it, versus topping up. When I was working full time, we did not eat a freshly cooked meal every night. We cooked maximum 4 times a week, and reheated left overs. We basically made a double batch of easily reheated meals, most times we cooked. That went for who ever cooks.
A lot will depend on how old your kids are, but most kids that are 4 can learn to put there dirty clothes in the basket, plates in the dishwasher etc. If they learn to tidy as they go, it gets much easier, rather than leaving everything for the adults to do.
Your partner can’t expect to not take on extra duties too. So discuss what duties he should be responsible for.
But things aren’t going to be as easy as before and your house isn’t going to be spotless and orderly all the time unless you run yourself into the ground or have outside help.
Seriously consider hiring a cleaner or dropping hours to part time.
Money is nice, but it isn't everything. If you're working yourself to the bone, your work is going to suffer, you're going to start taking sick days from pure stress, you're going to get chipped at work for excess sick days, and that's going to make the stress worse, and your relationship with your partner and kids will suffer.
It's a vicious circle.
I'm a working mum too but I'm single so I have no choice. Lower your standards is all I can suggest 😭
Me too 😂
Me three 😩
It took me a really long time to make it work and get the hang of things, I utilised a house cleaner for a while however now I do it all myself. It's really about routine for me, these are my tips:
Be prepared for the first few months to be takeaway/eating out as you can't always get food on the table!
For me mainly, it is:
- Have an airfryer! So many meals can be made so much quicker and no time waiting for the oven to heat up
- Have a slow cooker particularly for winter time
- Robot vacuum - set it off each morning and then go over with a handheld vacuum when necessary
- Spray mop, do a quick little mop each night then one big mop per week
- Set a load of washing off each morning
- Put load of washing into dryer each evening
- Don't fold clothes, I have tubs - jocks/socks, tshirts, shorts, trackies and pop everything into the tubs and only hang jumpers or nicer things
- Set dishwasher off every 2nd night, unpack following morning or afternoon if stretched for time
- Clean toilet every couple of days in the morning
- Clean shower/wipe it over every night after using and have a squeedgie in there, so much easier to maintain
- Wipe sinks each night quickly after brushing teeth
- Tidy any toys away each night whilst kids are showering
I usually shower with the kids 3 nights a week for a bit of bonding and we sit and read stories together/play for an hour before bed. I aim to have dinners that take 15-20 minutes top to make so that I spend very little time in the kitchen 🙂
In our case it was 3 people live in this house so 3 people will be responsible for it.
I don't pick up dishes behind them, or hang up wet towels, or put shoes away etc. Our son was responsible for putting his toys away before dinner, hanging up his towel, keeping his room clean (not neat, but clean), putting his dishes in the kitchen (scraps in the bin), loading and setting off the machine with his washing in it (I hung it out until he could reach). As he got older cooking one night a week was added, as was vacuuming one day a week.
In the shower I clean one wall every second day. Takes 8 days but the shower is cleaned "weekly". I pay someone to clean the oven. Devils work that one. Batch cook and freeze meals on my day off. It's just about creating a new routine. There's going to be hurdles while you work out priorities.
You have to share the home stuff. It can't all fall on you.
I'm a working mum with four kids and I couldn't maintain a tidy house if everyone didnt pitch in.
I admit, there are still toys on the floor from three days ago, but rhe kitchen and bathrooms are always clean and the washing done (but not put away 🤣).
Hire extra help. I’m a teacher and quite frankly my work load is not manageable right now. I know it’s only for a few weeks but I’ve had enough.
We get a cleaner once a week. That helps take the pressure off.
I am lucky that I have a thermomix so dinners can be quick and simple and I meal plan on the weekend for the following week. I have also just purchased a kobold cordless vacuum/mop so can clean the floors in around 30 minutes. I put washing on every afternoon as soon as I get home, but all washing is put in the machine at night after showers and kids school clothes are put in as soon as they get home. My partner isn't very helpful around the house but he is in charge of doing the yards. I pack lunches boxes the night before and have school/work clothes ready for the morning. I cook a weeks worth of school snacks on Sundays so we have enough. Kitchen is always cleaned as soon as dinner is finished.
Attitude might be the first point of change, instead of being angry about it, be grateful you can work, have a job and can earn a wage.
Secondly, get a schedule. clean different things every day, put washing on as soon as you get in, and chuck in the dryer or aired whilst making dinner. Meal prep, have a menu for the week, and have all the snacks you need in hand. I work FT with 3 kids, all play sport and it gets done because we plan for it too. If i just winged it nothing would be done ever. If you want this you will work it out.
What does your partner do to work as a team to run the home and care for your child? Or is everything left to you because you’ve always done everything? I’m a single mum of two teenagers. They each have to cook dinner and wash up once a week. I only work part time but on the days I’m working, they are left a list of jobs they need to do, such as empty the bins, wash up, bring in the washing, cook dinner. They have always had a list of chores to do since they were about 3, so it’s nothing new to them to help manage our home. You need to have a conversation with your partner about who is going to do what and when, and come up with a list of chores for your child. You should be able to find plenty of age appropriate chores on google. Everyone lives in your home so everyone needs to contribute to its upkeep.