My hubby is a good man. He is kind, gentle, good dad and makes myself and the kids his number one always. He works hard, hands over his entire wage, cooks, cleans and maintains our property.
So.. I have an issue and do not know what to do.
My husband has a low IQ and highly aspy. He works on routine and does the same thing daily over and over like a robot. He is wired to work and not think. He never changes his routine on his own. He will do absolutely anything I ask of him without a single question and will simply just put it in his routine. He struggles to take initiative and he cannot recognise or realise that things could be done faster, better or easier. He just accepts the same outcomes over and over regardless if it’s working or not. He does not question anyone or anything and simply does what ever he is told to do. (He has been taken advantage of time and time again over the years because of this)
I feel starved of ideas, passion, inspiration, energy. I feel like I am married to a mirror of my own thoughts. He just agrees with anything I say. He does not think about of finances, insurances, health, holidays, education, our business, the kids extra curricular, investment, birthdays, anniversary’s…he has no dreams, goals, wishes, drive… nothing… just sticks to his routine. Conversation from him is always polite, but says the same things at the same times over and over.
If I tell him to go left, he turns left.. (even if he knows we were meant to be going the other way). He does not make decisions. full stop. He will always ask what I think. If I have made a mistake he will never challenge it or question it’ he will simply say ‘I did what you asked’
I can scream at him black and blue and he does not retaliate he just hops back on the nowhere train.
When we met we were teenagers, we were always drunk at the pub having fun… I loved that he was 100% attentive to me. But We were kids then, I never needed stimulating conversations, that was before uni, careers, kids, in my younger years I didn’t even notice his yes personality at all. But 20 years on, I have grown.. I have a lot drive, ambition, a need for more, I question life and am desperately wanting him to put something on the table… anything… but I know he never ever will. He can’t. His not programmed that way.
What on earth am I going to do???
Husband help
Husband help
Posted in:
Aspergers & Autism
3 Replies
You either find other outlets for your needs or you go your separate ways.
As a single person that’s what I do anyway. I need stimulating conversations and new ideas, I find a friendship group or hobby that enables that.
It is exhausting being the one that wears the mental load and I think in this case unless you think he’d benefit from therapy/skills building then there’s not much else you can do.
I could have written this myself. Word by Word. I could cry reading this and I am not alone. I too struggle with doing ALL of the thinking and decision making for the both of us. How I cry about how mentally exhausting this life is with a husband who can think. But then I have to remind myself, how lucky I am to have a man who loves me and trusts in me to make decisions. Even though I know he couldn't change that if he tried, I try to find the positive in it. My husband is a good guy. It sounds like your man might be too. We have this life together. It can and does work. I just need to vent my spleen out and I can press on and get on with life again. There will come a time in life when you will want a simple conversation, and he will be ready then.
I don't like how you referred to him as having a low IQ.