Apologies in advance if this post upsets anyone.
I have an amazing partner, we’ve only been together 5 months, but we’ve been amazing from the very beginning.
He has told me about things that happened on his childhood (sexual abuse) that were never dealt with by his family. These things were done to him by two men who were in trusted positions.
He had told me I’m the last week that anytime we are going to have sex, or after we have sex, that he suffers nightmares, low moods, flashbacks etc for the next couple of days.
We have amazing sex. Our chemistry is fantastic, and he loves it as much as I do, but the after effects turn him off it too.
Has anyone dealt with this, from either side, and could offer any advice?
I love him. He loves me. And I want to help him to be able to be excited about sex again.
5 Replies
I'm so sorry he's dealing with that. That must be so awful. I hope he is getting therapy to help cope with those scars. I did hear that something that helps a lot of SA survivors is the person that was abused will take their partner's perfume or cologne and spritz it everywhere. Since scent triggers memory this will hopefully keep his brain only thinking about you.
What a brave man opening up to you like that. Please support him and go and seek help with him. That would have been massive thing for him to tell you. How sad for him.
My partner was raped at the age of 15 by another man. His family didn’t want to hear it. He never got any help.
In his late 30s he met me and opened up quite early on about his trauma. He too had nightmares/bad reactions after sex. I just use to hug him and remind him how much i love him. 3 years on and he doesn’t really talk about it much anymore. The nightmares are gone, he feels good after sex and is exploring his own body more and taking back that control of what is his.
Just love him, talk to him, remind him he is safe. He should also get some therapy, it will help him.
Good luck and thank you for caring about him.
He most likely has PTSD and will need help from a psychologist and doctor.
Oh hunny how hard for you both .. having been in similar situations all I can tell you is that time and your supports and maybe a couples counsellor who specialises in past trauma .. I'm not a dr or any kind of medical person .. I would really recommend this... and help him move past this ..and finally he can move on too