As I sit here and write this I'm in tears. My husband and I are at breaking point financially. We have barely any food and the food we do have I use to make as many meals for them as possible. Two of there birthdays are coming up and we can't even afford gifts for them. I suffer from mental health issues and I just don't know what to do. We are barely paying our bills and are behind in our mortgage. Just feel that I am the worst mother in world and I have no idea what I should do as all I can feel is just ending it all as at least they would then have money. Please help. I'm so desperate
Desperate for help
Desperate for help
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Food, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour, Kids
44 Replies
Aww please think positive. Get your husband to advertise on some local pages for extra work. Also if you have had a covid test and waiting results you can apply for emergency payment online. You will get paid within a few days. You need proof you have had a test. Get your husband to join air Tasker for odd jobs. You can also apply for a centrelink loan if you haven’t already. You can get vouchers and food hampers from some places. I also go on humm website when I don’t have any money and I buy gift cards for Woolworths to do my groceries and then I pay it off over the next 5 weeks. it’s such a tough time of the year, after Xmas. Also school holidays is hard when kids are home and eat so much more. please don’t do anything silly. Your kids need you. Your husband needs to do what he can to help you. If we don’t have any money. My husband searches air tasker, Facebook jobs etc and does extra after his hours of work or on weekends, just to get our bills paid and food. It’s bloody hard some days but you have to look ahead and it’s only temporary. It will get better. Your kids need you! this won’t last forever. I know many in this situation at the moment. I don’t let it get to me and just take one day at a time. keep your chin up and keep focusing on your kids. The kids would rather their mummy than money so please don’t think like that. My best friends kids lost him at a young age and they are forever destroyed. No amount of money will help them with their problems they have grown up with from losing their dad. It has destroyed them. Things will get better.
Thankyou for all your advice. My husband works 6 days a week 7am till 7pm so can't really do extra work. That is the thing we don't know if this is temporary or not. I have not eaten in a week and we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and just don't know what to do
That is tough. That is good he is doing what he can to help the situation. It’s in between pay days it’s the hardest. There is a light , just hang in there. things will get better.
Wtf? Why are you placing so much on the husband, his getting extra work, him advertising on air Tasker..? What about the female in this relationship too. Why don’t they BOTH look for extra work, BOTH advertise on Airtasker. She could do some cleaning or ironing..?
She is suffering mental health problems. Didn’t you not dad that. She didn’t state in that, that he already works 7-7 everyday. She is struggling here and desperate for help. Sure if she is capable but she doesn’t sound like she is at the moment. I guess you have never suffered with mental health. Most days you can barely get out of bed. So don’t be trolling me trying to find an argument, you won’t get one.
Just because you suffer mental health doesn’t mean you can’t work!
No one said that, so don’t try and make this about something that it’s not. this post is about her desperate for help. I have offered some advice and you don’t need to troll my post. many of us have been there.she has kids, it’s school holidays, she is in a dark and desperate place. Get in the real world.
The real world is where you get off your ass and make changes cause no one is gonna do it for you or save you. That's the truth
The real world is where you get off your ass and make changes cause no one is gonna do it for you or save you. That's the truth
There is always one who will twist your kind words!
There is always one who will twist your kind words!
I suffer 2 diagnosed mental health conditions (and I am not talking depression). I have a personality disorder and chronic anxiety and am on medication. I've worked in my job for 10 years, completed uni prior to that to get my job and I have raised my child alone throughout without support and I manage to attend 2 hourly therapy weekly while working Sunday to Friday every week.
I am sorry but I don't agree with you, unless she has schizophrenia or bi polar, she has capacity to work. Get treatment, get on medication and take responsibility for your self. Harsh I know but seriously..people can't save her, she needs to take action herself.
If she said her husband was suffering with mental health and she wasn’t then maybe it would be the other way around. So typical of a know all to jump in on a post. I live in reality and know how disabling mental health problems are. She is sounding suicidal and offering suggestions to help them with ideas to make money, is way more helpful that your trolling.
Ok get her husband to watch the kids while he works and her mental health problems will magically disappear 🤦🏼♀️
I have suffered severe depression on and off for 26 years and you know what triggers it? Not working. I go deeper and deeper into a black hole.
She has kids and it’s school holidays and we are in the middle of a pandemic. It’s much easier to get yourself the right help and work outside of school holidays and pandemics. Her first priority is getting her mental health right. Has she mentioned her husband works 6 days a week in her post, I wouldn’t have suggested it. I made suggestions that may help her. This is all off track as usual, people jumping on a post to have a go!
That is you. Are you home with kids on school holidays in the middle of a pandemic.? In reality here, if her husband works where will she leave her kids at the moment and especially feeling like this. Yes it’s ok to sit back and say these things but when it comes to reality, it’s not that simple.
She does what the rest of us do.
She does what single mums do every day.
Unless you’re a teacher or SAHM, it’s something most people have to deal with.
The simplest solution is usually the best, need more money, get a job.
Her comment about the food bank makes me think she’s either in a really bad place mentally or looking for a handout from us, not solutions.
Well I do get get that point about food bank and solutions. We have all suggested things and it’s up to her now.
She’s in a state about everything and I can understand how nothing actually feels like a solution. Long term solution take time, nothing will change today. (Once they do change though, things do change quite quickly!) short term solutions like $20 of groceries doesn’t feel like a solution either. (And they are! Everything looks better on a warm meal and a nice sleep) Breathe get through the mental crisis first.
Yes so true
Yeah so I do work 6 days a week from home with kids and no partner and mental health issues, it's possible. Honestly she says she linked with mental health team and her partner works
So I then read the post as her wanting money or some kind of handout??
We all struggle and we get off our asses and get jobs to improve our life and usually our mental health. We access treatment to move foward from whatever black hole we are in. No one is here saving anyone else, that's the truth cause we all struggle. So if she wants more money or help there is services I've mentioned, there are mortgage relief grants and welfare assistance in every state. Access them, or get a job. Simple!
Things change, finances change, ending it is permanent. I understand you wanting to end the struggle and stress, but removing yourself is NOT the solution and will cause your poor children so much hardship for their whole lives. Reach out and speak to someone for your mental health first off.
The financial situation is the secondary issue right now. Meanwhile there are food banks and community groups that will help. Put a call out on your local Mums page and let people help you.
Thankyou for your sweet words. Food banks can't help as by the time you get there there is nothing left
If you can’t ask your community, go to a friend or family for a few days. You need respite and it’s urgent. Let someone care for you and the kids. People will do it, even strangers will want to help a mother and kids in your situation, we know how hard it is. If not, present to a hospital, I know you have real problems but I think you’re having a mental health episode right now. Take care of yourself.
Well maybe get to the food bank first thing in the morning?
Ask them to ring you.
You need to get there earlier, for the sake of your kids and keeping them fed. Find a way to pull yourself out of this and get there. Ring food bank, ask them to hold you one. Explain your circumstances. Some places will even deliver them to you. Ring some churches. They will organise it.
Go half an hour before the food banks open
try local FB pages pay it forward or The movement.
Alot of ppl are willing to help in your local community if you ask.
Its hard to ask for help but you guys needs it.
Possibly start talking ro the bank interest rates are low and you may be able to look at hardship payments
Google St Vincent De Paul and Salvation Army. I provide welfare referrals Australia wide and they are my go to. They are in every state and both offer welfare assistance food vouchers assistance with bills
There is also mortgage relief grants through the state government and worth looking into those.
First of all, ending it so the kids will have money will not help at all, please think about the long term impact losing their mother would have on them. You need to seek financial counseling and also see your GP for a mental health plan.
You have hit a rough patch and you and your husband need to pick each other up and stand strong as a team not just for the kids but for yourselves.
Good luck, and please seek help ASAP.
We have spoken to a financial planner many times. I have a mental health team as I have complex mental health issues. All of these don't really help our situation right now
There should be local pages on Facebook. On the Gold cost here is a great page calls The Movement, people always offering things or swapping and pay back in diff ways when they can. Check out some local pages in your area and please seek help. I was like this before Xmas and ended up maxing out my after pay to get us through. Do t don’t anything stupid. Think of your kids and seek help for your mental health.
I have a mental health team but Thankyou for your kind words
Where do you live? This is one of those things where it helps to find someone near you. Someone supportive, proactive and pragmatic to prop you up in these hardest days.
I've been there, what keeps me here is my duty to my family. As long as that gets me through the hard times I know the feeling passes.
In the short term - keep searching food banks or get your name on a few lists to receive a parcel of food.
Contact Lifeline and Vinnies. They may be able to give you some grocery vouchers.
Are you working? Can you cash in some annual leave?
Can your husband? Not all of it as the man needs a break too but just a few days.
If you're not working can you? I know it feels overwhelming right now but small steps, can you take in some ironing, walk a few dogs, pet sit, contact some local businesses and offer relief work (ie, cover staff holidays or covid shortages).
Contact the kids school. They get back before the kids do, tell them that you're financially stretched and you don't know how you're going to go. They may be able to help supply booklist items, second hand uniforms, reduce or waive fees etc.
Go to the government money smart website. There's all sorts of information there. Financial counselling links (rather than a financial planner), assistance with consolidating debt, bills, food, emergency access to money etc. See if there's anything there that you haven't looked into yet.
Above all. Keep your chin up and just keep going. There's not going to be a magical instant fix but it IS fixable. Just got to keep going.
Sell a few things so you can buy food today. For the longer term, have a serious look at your finances and work out what it's going on and where you can reduce costs and save money. I was in a really difficult position about 5 years ago so I moved to a smaller house in a cheaper suburb and that gave me an extra $200 a week. Also look at what food you're buying, any food is better than nothing so there's no reason why you can't be buying cheap noodles, cheap bread, rice, flour, powdered milk, frozen no name veggies. Asian food is actually really cheap to make after you buy the main ingredients, once they're in the cupboard you don't need to add much. Soy sauce, oyster sauce, hoisin sauce, Chinese vinegar, Chinese cooking wine is basically all you need to make a huge range of dishes. Bulk pack of chicken breast, bulk mince, frozen veggies and rice.
There’s already been a lot of great suggestions. To add to that Centrelink has financial advisors that you can speak to - start there and ensure you are also accessing all of the payments that you are eligible for. You can also live chat or ring the national debt helpline on 1800 007 007 - they are a wealth of information.
Ultimately you need to determine what money is coming in and what money is going out and make changes so you are living within your means. It may seem daunting at the moment but there is a lot of help out there
Are you able to work? I know that Coles and Woolies everywhere are absolutely screaming for casual workers due to staff shortages. Maybe you could do nightshift shelf stocking after hubby gets home from work?
I know someone who put their resume in at their local Coles front counter and had a call from the manager before they even left the store - interviewed on the spot (in shorts & thongs) & started the next day (this was Brisbane)
They had done retail previously, but that was 15 years ago before they became a SAHM.
Just a different perspective. My dad ended his life and left behind a significant amount of money, sure I saw some of it but my mum completely blew threw it. Now I have no dad and a mum I have to give money to every week to ensure she doesn't go hungry. I am so sorry for the situation you are in, but the ultimate solution may not be a solution at all. Keep going, i wish you nothing but the best ❤
13 years ago, my financial situation was up the shitter.
I'd made a series of very silly decisions, I had more debts and bills coming in than I had income, debt collectors were harassing me mercilessly and I was basically selling all my worldly possessions to Cash Converters to feed my 2 toddlers and a new born.
13 years ago I remember sitting in the park sobbing, I'd just sold my vacuum cleaner to Cash Converters for $30 so I could buy formula and bread, it was the last item of any value I had. I know they must've thought I needed it for drugs, the looks of sheer pity on their faces made that very clear.
The shame, guilt, the embarrassment and just utter defeat I felt that day could have very well ended me. I was ready to give up, it was a very dark day.
But I'm still here. Things certainly haven't always been easy and things didn't immediately start looking up after that day in the park but I promise you they do get better.
Just last week I went and bought myself a really nice Dyson vacuum, it made me quite emotional opening it because it's probably the nicest thing I've ever owned and there was a time when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but now I'm out the other side!
You've just got to find that last bit of strength to keep going.
I'm wishing you all the best, there's already some great ideas here to help you short term so I won't add to that, I just wanted to share so you know that this isn't permanent and you're not alone.
Please reach out to any company you owe money to and are falling behind or struggling with - especially your mortgage - these places all should have hardship departments that can try and assist you. Things will get better 💜
I can't help it tell you what to do to fix your financial problems now but I can give you hope it will get better.
2 years ago, I was pregnant, hubby lost his job and kept getting knocked back for Centrelink, my tiny little payment from Centrelink of $400 a week was what we had. That was some pretty rough times, we barely ate so the kids had enough food but in doing so I made my self very ill with barely any weight gain during my pregnancy and then I had a very small baby. I thought we would never see the end of that tunnel and the guilt was pretty bad.
But here I sit 2 years on, I'm working full-time and have money in my bank left over, enough to save, the cupboards and fridge are over flowing... We made it through and so will you, there will be a time you look back on this time and be proud of how far you have come. All the best and I hope you find your way through soon but know you aren't alone and you are not a bad mum, we have all been there before.
Get a fishing rod and go and catch your dinner. Great outing for the kids too.
Walk into a Salvos or Vinnie's and tell them you have no money and could they help you with presents for your kids. I did this once. There is some great second hand stuff.
https://www.catholiccaredbb.org.au/family-youth-children/
I have worked extensively with catholic care with my studies and personally as well. They are amazing. (And nothing religious about them so don’t let the name turn you off!)
They have emergency relief in the way of vouchers, food, clothing, furniture etc. but they also have wonderful financial counsellors who can help with budgeting but who can also reach out to financial institutions to see if they can minimise and consolidate debts. They also have strong connections within the community to get you as much help as you need. Please don’t be shy to reach out. I know it’s hard but these services exist wholly to help people who need them!! Good luck. I’m really sorry things are so hard right now.