Hi ladies,
Asking for advice here. I am due to have my 4th and 5th babies in May and my mum wants to through me a baby shower (haven’t had one since my first). My mum wants to invite my sister in law that I flat out refuse to get along with and don’t see often. Long story behind this- she said some aweful things about my husband which are completely untrue (think the worst) and I absolutely don’t want her there. I have told my mum if she goes I will leave and it’s caused some tension. She thinks I should just get over for the good of the family but I don’t want to. This girl and I have a long history- she has always resented the way I grew up.
Should I just accept that she will be there or stand my ground? Just to clarify I will be paying for it as well as mum chipping in.
15 Replies
Your Mum should respect your wishes.
It’s your party not your mums. Just remind her that, because she probably just doesn’t want to feel mean by excluding her DIL but it’s not her party.
She wants to save face bcoz it makes HER feel less uncomfortable. She doesn't give a fuck about your own emotions. Only her own.
Thinking she has said the worst and if you are dead certain that she didn’t make it up 100% sure. then don’t have her there. Your choice.
The way you word things seems like you're quite good at holding a grudge. I.e. you refuse to get along with her, not that the 2 of you really don't get along. She resents your upbringing... Are you saying she's jealous of you?
What did she say? Was a mental health condition I E. Psychosis or compulsive lying a factor if it's absolutely not true? Was she calling out bad behaviour and your husband is lying to you and now you're blaming her? Or us she vindictive and toxic?
I guess I'd need more information, including her perspective and that of oberservers to know if you are being reasonable.
But she either needs to be so horrible that a simple reminder if the situation has a normal person separating you both for your well-being or you need to be able to coexist because family events will happen.
I'd be the bigger person unless she is abusive etc. If she's truly toxic and her presence significantly affects your well-being, I'd probably opt for something unofficial so she isn't invited. I E. Invite the people you want out for coffee and arrange say you'll shout their dessert. If it's that bad, you don't need the stress right now.
It's really not necessary for us to know exactly what's gone on, the short story is her Mum wants to invite someone she doesn't like to her baby shower. That's a no, doesn't matter what the reason is or what the other person's perspective is. She also shouldn't miss out on a baby shower because of it.
Different commenter, who the hell are you tell this commenter what is irrelevant?
Make your own comment if you don’t agree....
Well if it makes no difference to the end answer why ask it? You're all just nosey.
If your friend came to you with the OPs problem would you really go this far into it? Demanding to know exactly what was said, history of any psych illnesses, other person's version of events plus witnesses version of events? It's a baby shower not a murder investigation lol.
Just say no to the baby shower.
It sounds like SIL doesn't like you any more than you like her. I'm assuming she made allegations of a sexual nature against your husband.
Just looking at it from her perspective, if I were her, I wouldn't even want to go to your baby shower. I certainly wouldn't be put out if I wasn't invited.
I think your mother is only thinking of her own interests, having a big happy family is clearly something she wants. But she's not taking your feelings into account, I don't think she's taking SILs feelings into account either and I definitely don't think she's considered how the tension between the two of you will inevitably affect the guests at the baby shower (I've been to a baby shower with 2 arguing relatives - awkward as fuck).
Tell your mum no. She'll get over it.
I would just explain to your mum, that you don’t get along, it’s uncomfortable for both sides probably and your own little bubble is all that matters for your mental health. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want…but if your mum cannot agree and it’s causing more drama then needed, I’d not bother. Just have a close friends gathering and not the big official baby shower title.
It’s your baby shower!!!!!! Have who you want there. You can evaluate the relationship with your sister in law another time.
Hell no! I would not have someone that made up lies about my husband at my baby shower. I don't care if it was my SIL, Sister, brother, or my own mother, they wouldn't be welcome at a celebration for me and my Husband's unborn children.
Tell your mum again no. You don't want her there. If she still insists cancel her party and throw it yourself. Sounds like you will be paying for it anyway and she just wants the glory of being the host
Hmm.
Hard no on the SIL regardless of what's happened, if you don't like her you don't need to be uncomfortable so someone else can be comfortable.
But! Getting to this allegation thing. If this is of a sexual nature, you may need to rethink your stance on it. False allegations are very rare. Perps are very good liars, and victims often tend to be the ones who are demonised for having the courage to speak up.
Obviously you've shared the smallest snippet of the whole situation so there's really very little info here, but please open your mind to the possibility of her accusation being truthful whatever it is, and keep an eye and open mind around your husbands behaviours that correspond with the allegation.