I have been offered an amazing career opportunity overseas, however my daughters father is adamant that I cannot take my her overseas with me.
My daughter has an good relationship with her dad and we have open communication and she can stay over with him whenever she wants, there is no parenting plan in place it’s just really as she decides we mutually agree to, especially during school holiday, but I would definitely be deemed as the primary care giver.
I don’t ever want to do what’s not in the best interest of my daughter but I feel that either way I am going to feel either guilty or unfulfilled in life.
As a mum could you see yourself moving for career but not with your child and come if back or have them come to visit overseas on school holidays and christmas?
I am 32 years old and I feel that this type of opportunity will not come around very often or ever again. I would take my daughter in an instant but know that her dad would put up a fight. I just don’t know what to do so wanted to see if anyone else has ever gone though this? What did you do?
15 Replies
Speak to your daughter and see what she wants, then speak with her dad and see if you can both come to an agreement. Depending where overseas, it would be an amazing opportunity for her but I couldn’t leave my child behind, no way!
How long is the job? For a year, I’d say go for it. Your daughter will manage. Long term, never. I would love to work and travel but it’s just not something I can do with kids. It will have to wait until they’re 18-20s. I’m very fortunate I got to do it before kids. I do feel for adventurous spirits that didn’t.
Something to consider though is wealth.
Family, roots and building a home comes first. I’m investing this time so they’ll be all set up when we all fly, and we’ll be all set up to return when it’s done.
I know dads who move away from there kids. Me personally, I couldn’t move away. Holidays etc are just not the same. I know travel is getting better again, but jumping on a plane to get home to an injured or sick child, is just not the same. You’d be missing a lot of milestones and although we can FaceTime etc it’s not the same as having that day to day connection.
My opinion is, some dreams and opportunities should get put aside when we have kids.
You won't be able to take her so don't even involve her in the decision making this will only confuse her terribly as she won't want to be away from either of her parents. That would also be the reason why I wouldn't be able to go by myself. I have lived in a state away from my family because my kids Dad lives here and my kids are better off with us all in one state. When we have kids sacrifices have to be made.
Remember work anywhere, is work. At night, after work, you could find yourself really regretting moving yourself so far away from where your child is. Another option is to live nearby and travel the world on holidays with your child? Five weeks can take you to many different countries, climates and experiences!
Depends on your child’s relationship with you and their other parent, everyone’s situation is different.
There is no way I could go, it would destroy my child.
As someone that works with children, there’s no child that could go through this and not be impacted in one way or another.
Yeah true, I was just thinking some dads are more involved than others.
Yeah sure, my kids are great without their dad. That’s because he’s a dickhead and still it took time to get them used to (and they’re just better off so there’s a benefit to it) but this mum seems to be primary carer and have a good relationship with her child, so no benefit, just coping with the situation she’s given.
As a parent, some things aren't an option to you anymore, unless you don't want to be around that is. Taking her away from her father isn't an option either, and he can legally stop you. Jobs are everywhere and even the best job is still a job. Unless the job is a short period of time, just say 'oh well'. Honestly, this is only really an option when parents aren't separated and they go as a family
As a parent there's some things we just can't do anymore, this is one or them. No you can't take your child to live overseas if the father disagrees and imo no job is more important than my child so I wouldn't go without them. Pass the job offer, another will come along.
While this is undoubtedly a great opportunity you have to way up the cost. The cost to you the cost to your child.
When people give eulogies at funerals no one talks about riches or how high they climbed a corporate ladder they talk about the memories you shared and the way you made them feel.
You don’t get the time back. You don’t get to pause. This will likely fracture your relationship- it would be naive to think otherwise - are you ok with that cost?
Nope never! My ex was going to do this & I was disgusted he could consider leaving his children. Kids come first
My ex husband turned down a job in America with Google for this exact reason. He didn't consider taking our son as it is wrong to take him away from his extended family for a job. And even 10 years ago travel would be a real pain for our son. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your kids. You will not be able to take her if he Dad doesn't agree so either take the job and leave her here and you take the brunt of the travel. Or give up the opportunity to be with your daughter as you are now. Those are your choices.
Think about it from his point of view. If it’s long term then it is not fair at all on either of them!