I feel like a failure as a parent.
I was a single parent from the time my son was 3 years old, until I met my husband 3 years ago. I did everything for my son, gave him everything, took him around the world. It was just the two of us.
He was a very bright student in primary school and never had to "learn", but then in year 8, he just stopped studying and trying. No matter how much I talked, threatened to take away gaming etc, he wouldn't change.
He did a few tradie courses at school and said he wanted to be a tradie. He was fortunate to get an apprenticeship and started last week, but lasted only 3 days and quit.
He has a casual job with a retailer, but they have cut his shifts because he is a senior so barely has work.
I don't understand his mentality, as I was forced from a young age to be totally independent and have worked my whole life. He doesn't seem to understand that this is now real life. You work, you eat and sleep, you save and do fun things on the weekend.
He doesn't have any "real" friends and spends most time on XBOX or YouTube.
I feel like I have e failed him, and not given him any good pointers for real-life.
I also worry about his mental health. Will he just think this real life is all too hard. I've suggested he speak to someone,but he just says no.
I don't know what to do.
9 Replies
You're not alone. This is most kids. They have no real value for the working dollar. So Iwould be getting tough. If he isn't studying, he needs to be working. That means no more xbox, take it away. You set the rules so get tough. If he won't work then he doesn't get any privilege. No phone, no internet, etc. The amount of tradies who have told me they have gone through school aged kids because they have no acumen for hard work. Set a deadline, set some goals and if he doesn't meet them within the time frame then there are consequences.
Sounds like he was clever and it was easy, and when it all changed in high school he grew disillusioned. He probably has no grit/stamina for learning or organisation, as he never needed those skills, while less smart kids had to learn it and use it and are now becoming more successful, leading to him becoming disenfranchised.
It’s a common thing to happen to clever kids in high school. They drop out and find their feet later in life.
Google those keywords and find out where to start on reconnecting disenfranchised teens.
That's exactly it. He was never challenged and I kept telling them. But who would listen. But I feel I have failed him, too. It's a hard job this parenting!
It sure is! He can learn grit, it’s a life skill we all really need. Goal setting is as well. Start him small with something he’s interested in. One goal. Start from roots up, teach his how to chunk goals, set mini deadlines, assess how he’s going.
Also approach the school about learning intervention, or encourage him to do a high school or college course externally, I bet he’ll fly if he can work at his own pace and has the right motivation to do it.
He's left school now. He was 18 last September. It's hard to restrict him, now he's an adult
Yeah it is. You can support and definitely hold accountable and ‘motivate’ with rent and options, and support with honest conversations and information. Maybe he’s motivated to go back to study now he knows what labouring actually is! Current Issues aside what are his interests? Hobbies? Things he enjoyed when younger? What are is skills, strong points, maybe volunteer sas or fire fighter until he works it out.
He played football for years and had two injuries so stopped playing. Last year he took it back up, but sadly did his ACL in the first few weeks and, and boom, no football again. He was devastated.
Maybe get him into volunteering for the club, he might end up coaching or reffing, or wanting to study sports physio.
He is probably suffering with anxiety and couldn’t cope at his job. Cut the internet off and stand your ground. Get him help and encourage him to find employment. No job, no internet.