I go camping regularly with a group of friends. The behaviour of one male in the group is upsetting me. I am not sure if his behaviour is triggering old wounds for me or if I should genuinely be worried.
He grabbed me on the bum in front of others while I was leaning over to play pool, a few years back. I made a big deal about how I didn't like it.
He has on several occasions come to my caravan when I am alone. He knocks on the door and wants to chat with me. One time it was after I had gone to bed. My partner was still up at the fire. Our van was away from the group. It really scared me that he came over and wanted to talk to me, why?
Last time we went camping he came up to me while I was sitting around the fire. He found a porn picture on his phone and showed it to me, I stood up, asked him why he did that, then walked off angry to my caravan. He followed me a moment later and tried to talk to me. I yelled at him about how inappropriate he was showing me graphic porn.
His wife and I have been close friends for over 20 years. I do not want to ruin our friendship.
I recently tried to talk to the male at a group event, to try to let him know that I think he is inappropriate sometimes and it makes me nervous and upset. He just tried to give me excuses about his behaviour, then said "you just think I am infatuated with you"
I do not feel that I have been heard.
Am I over reacting? I feel like this behaviour is going to continue and am worried about going camping again. I am worried about losing my friend, his wife. I am so confused.
10 Replies
If he does anything like that again, I'd say very loudly and clearly "fuck off away from me, and if you pull this shit again I'll be speaking to your wife".
Assert yourself. Some twisted pricks think that getting a rise out of a woman over inappropriate things is hilarious.
You're not overreacting at all.
the reason for you feeling uncomfortable reall doesnt matter. the fact is that you do, soa decent person would leave you alone. its respect. a creeper steps over your boundaries and turns it on you. so, just say yes, you make me uncomfortable and set your boundaries nice and clear - you have no reason to be alone, he has no reason to come to you, or to touch you.
You are not overreacting. Especially as his response to you was to turn it back around and make you the problem. If there was nothing to worry about he would have apologised for making you uncomfortable as a bare minimum. His behaviour is creepy and disgusting.
You aren’t over reacting, he is a disrespectful pig
He is a creep and he does sound infatuated with you. Tell his wife.
I would just cut them out of your life. If your friend asks why, tell her that her husband is the problem and you're tired of being sexually harassed. She will probably defend his behaviour which is why you cut them out of your life.
This man is has sexually harassed you - you are not overreacting!
It's very unlikely that your friend is completely oblivious to her husband's disgusting behaviour as well. What, she just doesn't notice that her hubby follows you away from the group back to your van? Never noticed or heard about the bum grabbing incident? Hasn't the foggiest that her hubby has bombarded you with porn? Simply has never caught on to this targeted sort of behaviour?
Nah I don't believe that, no one is that blind unless they are purposely turning a blind eye. I'd also be very surprised if you're the only woman who's ever been on the receiving end of this man's behaviour!
Personally, I think you could do without either of these people in your life.
This is exactly what I said, minus the part where the wife.
I had similar behavior done to me when I was a 13 year old by an older teenager. It boarded on a sexual assault on multiple occasions. There were witnesses and it happened for a year. This happened on a school bus for an hour everyday.
It only stopped when a class mate went up to him and pointed me out saying if he starts touching me again, he'd kill him. I was then bullied for the rest of highschool.
I found out 20 years on that a good friend of mine was in touch with him and had a close relationship with someone I felt was a predator who preyed on me for a year for his own sexual gratification. On Facebook. I confronted her, on Facebook over it. She tried saying she was keeping an eye on him and I told her she was a liar. I cut her out of my life. I made sure he was outed on Facebook too. And cut anyone off who didn't support me thereafter.
Thank god i live on Australia and not the US where I'd need to deal with them.
I would never be around this person again.
What a creeper
Spend time with her one on one.
Lunch dates, coffee at the park, girls nights, visiting when he's not home.
No more camping etc.
If push comes to shove and he arcs up just say "I'm not infatuated with you, I'm actually repulsed by your behaviour therefore I chose to socialise without you present".
If you enjoy camping find new camping friends that aren't disgusting.