Mum of 3 adult children, Nan of 2. My oldest GD 10+ is now sadly from a broken home. Very fierce, strong willed and many would say shy but she can also come across as rude. Up until the breakup of her parents, sleepovers were just beautiful. For the past 3 years it's been rocky. No matter what I try now she's bored. Ipads and now she has her own phone, that is all she wants to do. I don't want her to be on these when with me. Last night was terrible. I gave her warning that we were having dinner in 5 minutes. She was talking to her friend and playing some Roblox game. I went in and said say goodbye dinners ready. I was hand gestured to go away, and being shushed. I said no, dinner is ready. It became a nightmare. She started screaming that I must give her privacy, that I cannot just walk in while she is talking to her friend. My husband came in asking what the yelling was about, she screamed at him "SHUT UP" don't tell me what to do. He raised his voice (for the first time ever in her almost 11 years), saying put that phone away and you will never speak to me like that again. I called her mum. She was told to apologise. Phone was now confiscated. Eat dinner. Shower. Bed.
My husband came into the bathroom later, apologised to GD for raising his voice. GD ate dinner. Apologised and went to bed. Woke this morning saying she was bored. So I opted to drive her home to her Mum's.
I just don't know what to do anymore! I cannot compare what I would have done 1980s versus 2022!
I love her dearly but I am not enjoying her company because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells when she is with me as it always ends up with her screaming demands...
I feel like I am failing as a GM
Times are a changing!
Times are a changing!
Posted in:
Behaviour
7 Replies
The best bit about being a grandparent is you don't need to put up with this shit. Tell her - "I love you more than anything but I can't tolerate your attitude any more. If you can't respect us and our rules in our home then you won't be able to stay until you do". She is old enough to understand this and she is old enough to follow rules and control her attitude at her grandparents home.
Nope don’t take that rudeness. Now is the perfect time to set new boundaries. My 10 year old loves her new iPad too, and she loves making calls to her friends. They sit playing games so it can go all day if you let it.
So we have set rules. I discussed privacy - she must not walk around the house on a call. She must tell me before she gets on a call. She just now walked in and said I’m on a call to Evie, it’s muted and camera off. If I say dinner or to hop off the call for any reason she knows to. And she knows I’ll take the iPad away if she doesn’t.
Because they can spend so long on there, I find giving time limits first helps them know and plan. Ie) you can have your iPad but dinner will be ready in half an hour then we have some things to do. Or like today, she has it all day.
You could even say, the iPad doesn’t seem to be working out at ours so how about just come over when you want to spend time with us? Then go home and call your friends.
Other thing is ‘broken home’ is so negative. She has two homes or a single parent home, and that’s all ok. Going between two homes might be the reason she thinks she just pulls up on her iPad all day no matter where she is, but actually that’s an ‘at home’ activity. Kids can learn different rules for different people, you just need to set firm expectations for your own home.
My mum would have called me, to come and get my kid. Sleep overs are a privilege and she needs to behave herself or not come for sleep overs.
Yep! Same!
Maybe show an interest in Roblox and bond with her that way?
We were all once grandkids and we have to remember you’re right times are changing, and pre teen/teen hanging with grandparents isn’t omg this is so much fun. I think putting massive strict rules in place will just push her away. I’d set boundaries yes, you can use your phone talk to your friends ( as we know this is how times are now) but I’d like some phone free time with you as well. Let her come to your house as her escape from home from dramas she’s probably trying to adjust to life and pre teen isn’t easy for them especially girls . But let her know she won’t be getting away with disrespecting you and your husband that is not on. Just remember this age feel they need friends and staying in the loop. Just enjoy she wants to still sleep over as they don’t last forever. You’re a wonderful grandmother and just reading your post you can feel your pain. So good luck
I think you and your husband handled it really well. Kids push boundaries because they need to know that someone cares enough to push back.