Hi sisters just wanting to hear from step parents. How do you make it work with blended teenagers under one roof. If your partner doesnt have any rules or any repercussions for his kids. Do you just turn a blind eye and worry about your own children? Ive read and spoke to a few ladies and they say its up to the bio to do all the parenting to their kids. What if you have spoken many times to your spouse and he sees no problem at all?
13 Replies
You have to figure that out before moving in, probably even before committing to a relationship, it’s that much of a dealbreaker.
If you’ve jumped the gun and moved in before finding out, then backtrack. You might be able to negotiate house rules but when it comes to attitudes and parenting styles and pretty much change in any way, you will not change someone.
What if this was all spoken about before moving in together and things were running smoothly but then the other parent got lazy. You pulled him up on it and said he will get back on track but lasts a day
Anyone can literally say anything, you watch how he parents.
You should be together long enough to see how he actually parents day to day.
If you don’t like what you see, you move on, you don’t hang around and try to change him.
Never parent teens, be the fun Aunty.
I don’t believe he suddenly changed his parenting, especially since he has teens, unless you were together for like two months, moved in and now you’re seeing the real him.
Take accountability, as the other poster said, you jumped the gun.
Everything was going well for the first 12 months. We worked well together and had all the same rules and boundaries for all our kids. But 2 years later its like hes just given up. His kids call him a fat c%$t if they dont get their way and he doesnt pull them up on it
Yep I’d step out of that. What’s going on with him? Does he need a parenting course? Is he unhappy? I’d tend to agree with above that the honeymoons over, you’re settled and locked in, and he’s getting comfortable- you’re just now seeing the real him.
Ive been a teenager in that situation. My perspective would be that you need to have similar rules for the step siblings too. Otherwise, it will breed resentment and fighting
This is what happend with my situation. My kids were always asking why the other kids didnt get into trouble or why they dont have a bedtime.
Actions speak louder than words.
Your partner is a talker and not a doer..
For the love of god, leave the poor kids alone and find a new pet project.
Is this your second or third post about your step kids?
They sound like normal teens to me.
I have several step kids full time, My step son 11, has been the centre of almost all arguments between us as he is a right 💩, with no respect, what so ever. Iv rased him full time since he was 3. He has adhd odd conduct. He's fully medicated, but he's never liked me, and I get treated like 💩 to the point lv come close to walking out, right now I think about it every day. My BIL, has told my partner that I'm close to leaving so DP is helping more. I have my life threatened on a daily basis, get called a cunt, even had him lung at me.
Talk to your partner. It's not about choosing his kids or you, but teaching respect. Put your foot down, if he doeant step up, walk.
Just want to say, you’re not alone! This is like reading a paragraph out of the life of my biological son (he’s just turned 13) with the same diagnosis. He definitely has mental health issues but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I’m sure you’re doing the very best you can x
I parent my step daughter the same as I parent my bio kids. I’m the one doing her hair if she needs help, making sure she’s checked her diary and packed the right books (she started highschool this year), packing her school lunch, chasing up excursion slips etc, washing her uniform, making dinner and doing all the things a parent does, when she’s under our roof (50/50 care arrangement) so I will absolutely make sure she pulls her weight the same as my bio kids. If she’s disrespectful, I will pull her up on it. Have to say though we’ve been very lucky so far, we’ve had hiccups but overall she does respect me and knows that she has to follow the house rules, same as everyone else. My partner is the same with my bio kids, we don’t always get it right but overall we try to communicate!
But why are you doing all that?! What is her father doing?