HELP. PLEASE!!!
Oh my gosh ladies. Give me strength!
So I have 3 boys. 5050 with their dad. When they come home, they are FERAL. Their dad claims they're fine with him (of course. We aren't on the best of terms so don't have a great co-parenting situation)
Anyway.. my youngest. He is 4, and oh my God. He is hard work. He came home today, wanted a shower. Popped him into the shower. Sat for 10 mins, I was folding washing. I wrapped him up in his towel and he went off to get his pjs on. THEN his oldest brother came in saying he was playing with his cream. QV ointment. Alllllll through his hair. Tantrum to get him back into the shower. He never wants dinner, always just cereal or yoghurt. I let this slide for the first night, and that's it. Anyway... come bed time. Holy God. PLEASE help. It is hell. Bedtime I dread. I have purchased them all a Medimate monkey to try and relax them at bedtime, he just screams at me. I ask him for a cuddle and kiss and he just squeals. So I gave his brothers cuddles, kisses, goodnight. Love you and went to bed. He gets out of bed and stands at my door. I quietly pick him up and put him back into bed, turn around and go back to my room. He starts hitting his mattress and squealing. I close my door. HE IS FINALLY quiet. I'll check him in 10 mins, but F*** me. Bedtime is so damn hard with him! He is my tornado child. He is simply FERAL. He has never listened, he's the only child that has ever done the sudocream, the drawing on walls, the bathroom flooding, anything and everything he shouldn't do. He has done. I love him to death but it is exhausting. 😭
10 Replies
Lol he is a Normal child! You where just lucky with the previous.
Does he improve as the week goes on or is he that full on all week? It could just be that you are his safe place and he knows you will love him no matter what. What is he like at daycare/kindy/preschool? When my boys were little they spent every second weekend with their father. Daycare always knew when my youngest had spent the weekend with his father because of his behaviour on the Monday. My eldest wasn’t too bad at daycare, but could be full on at home with me. I was quite strict in our routines and expected behaviours, because if showed even the slightest bit of leniency they would push the boundaries hard. Once they had settled back into routine I would then ease up slightly. Speak to his educators at daycare/kindy/preschool and see if they notice anything of concern, particularly if there is a change depending which parent he is with. If they’ve noticed anything of concern, speak to his GP about any concerns everyone has and ask for a referral to a psychologist, OT, paediatrician, anyone relevant to see if there is anything of concern going on. You can let your ex know that the child’s educators have noticed concerning behaviours and suggested it be investigated, particularly as you’ve also noticed concerning behaviours at home. Let him know when the appointments are, and that you will pass on his contact details so they can contact him to see if he’s noticed anything of concern. I’m not saying there is anything more going on, it could just be normal child behaviour, but if there is something the sooner you get supports in place the better off your son will be.
Normal pain in the ass behaviour. Dad is likely dealing with the same thing but isn't admitting it
Let dad have them 100 % 🤣 let him see how easy it is 🤦🏼♀️ The thing with some dads and like my husband who finds it easy. He would give them what they want and let them do what they want so it’s easy because they are out of their hair. I have rules and I stick to them and I don’t stop until they are pulled into place and it’s dealt with. It’s hard work but I don’t want my kids growing up to be disrespectful shits. I nag my kids to brush their teeth, have a shower , get to bed.. all the things my husband would forget to do 😂 hence why he finds it easy! pack their bags and let him have them for a few months and see how he goes 😂
Im fully aware he would struggle 😅
He had them for 3 weeks straight when I was in hospital, like it was some favour and threw it in my face.
This maybe less about what dads doing and more about the child feeling a little displaced moving from house to house on a 50/50 schedule.
What would you suggest? Stay full time with one parent and only see the other parent on weekends? Now that would really displace him.
Kids have been in a 5050 arrangement since he was 1.5yrs old. He is use to this routine. Anything different would displace him.
I would suggest by his behaviour the arrangement doesn’t suit him. Children have different emotional needs at different times. Maybe you should try moving homes 50/50 and see how you like the arrangement!
It might be that they hold too much in at their Dads then let it all out at home. I notice it with school sometimes, they spend all day behaving absolutely perfectly and then come home and act like they're on their second day of meth withdrawal.
Why do you blame his father for the behaviour?
I would suggest seeing gp and maybe a paediatrician.
Maybe its moving houses week to week, he’s only 4, that would be incredibly hard.
As soon as he’s settled, he has to move on.
As a toddler, it doesn’t affect them as much.
Why not try every second weekend and maybe dinner and one sleep over on the off week?
I’ve found custody changes over the years, depending on their ages/needs.