Should I apply for a DVO?
I have just had a fight with my partner where it resulted in him physically attacking me.
We were having an argument and were both verbally abusive. I (not proud of this) threw a drink on him. He then lunged at me grabbing my throat, picking me up, slamming me on the wall (pinning me to the wall by my throat) pushed me to another wall and then on the floor all while chocking and screaming in my face. I fought back kicking, spitting and slapped him to get him off.
This is not the first time this has happened but I’ve never lodged a DVO.
I’ve ended the relationship. He blames me for the fight and physical attack and has not apologised.
Should I lodge a DVO? Has anyone done this before. I know I’m in the wrong too by my part in the verbal and throwing the drink.
Should I apply for a DVO?
Should I apply for a DVO?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour
49 Replies
Yes you absolutely should be could have killed you.
ring the police now while you did what you did, you did not ask or deserved to be physically harmed. If you don’t do this now, it will continue on. He needs help and needs to learn a hard lesson from this. The police will attend and give you advice and options. You need to protect you. Next time could be worse.
You need to protect yourself and have this recorded so if he does this again he has a track record. It probably isn’t the first time. He has probably done this in the past.
Yes and you need to not engage with him. Block him. How toxic to want to blame. A sane person says ‘that’s not ok’ and I have to do what I have to do in order to make sure this never happens again.
His carry on tells me he will do it again. And blame others.
You can take responsibility for your own part AND also get a dvo and block him and move on.
Please do this for your own good and any kids if you have any. He has no right to lay a hand on you ever. Cut all contact with him and get the dvo. You said it’s happend before, you can not let this go. He will do it again and again and each time it could be worse.
You assulted him too Lol. Toxic pair of fuck wits.
Wow charming. He has no right to assault her like he did. She is honest and owing what she did. He on the other hand is an abuser and deserves what he gets.
If he didn't lunge at her he would be the one that should get the AVO.
Throwing a drink at someone is not laying a hand on him and physically assaulting him. He is a gutless abusive coward.
Throwing objects is abuse, you can literally kill someone or permanently injure them
There's a girl in our suburb who lost her eye from a glass getting thrown at her
A glass yes. If this op threw a glass at him then he may have reacted in shock but she didn’t. Let’s not get this wrong here. She is a victim of his abuse and it’s happend before. She needs to cut him off for good and find a healthy relationship.
It was liquid nit the glass but the contents in it. There is no excuse for a man to lay a hand on a woman like he did. Never this is not ok. He is a gutless and very weak coward.
Are you the OP? A drink can mean the vessel as well! Imagine getting a whole can thrown at you.
It’s common sense. Liquid and a man physically assaulting a woman are 2 different things. What a man to assault her in such a way. Yes this is wrong she threw her drink. It doesn’t deserve to be handled and treated like this with assault. This isn’t the first time. He is piss weak. Hope she had him charged. He deserves it.
Different if she attacked him in this way. Then she should be charged just as he should be now.
But she didn’t physically assault him so he needs to cop what he deserves. He is obviously a woman basher and has a record of it if he’s done it before.
She threw a drink on him. On, not at. This implies it was liquid. Do they not teach comprehension at school anymore?
The only fuckwits here are you and anybody else victim blaming op
Sounds as though you should stop drinking, both of you.
Alcohol is still no excuse for his physical abuse. He is an abuser. She is a victim here. No one asked to be abused.
He didn't ask to be abused either?
His was assault he is a coward hurting a a woman like this.
throwing a drink in someone's face also qualifies, legally, as assault.
No one mentioned alcohol.
Don’t worry about what you did, this guy is extremely dangerous.
Maybe contact a dv organisation and get some advice from them on what you should do.
Stay safe lovely x
I’m not saying that what he did was right by any means, nor did you deserve it. But I know a couple. She gives her husband hell. She is a very delusional narcissistic gas lighter and master manipulator! They got into a big argument one day. She ended up punching hitting and scratching the shit out of him (while he was holding their son). In the end he snapped and hit her. Just once but that was enough. Now I’m not saying what he did was right, but now she goes all over the town telling everyone that she did nothing wrong and she’s so perfect and innocent and crying poor little victim milking sympathy from anyone she can. Point of the story- you can never truly believe someone over their internet post. Men are not always 100% the villain.
if only he didn’t hit back and called the police. Some men cop it too. It’s wrong on both sides. Assault is assault. Bet now he wished he called the police on her. Men don’t tend to as much. Quite sad really.
I hope you do. No matter what you didn’t deserve this.
My partners ex king hit him at a wedding because he was chatting to a barmaid, screamed and slapped him at their child's birthday, broke a chair over his back in front of their kids, tried to run him over, hit and pushed him countless times thrown countless things at him. He is a gentle giant with the patience of a Saint. One day after she started screaming in his face and pushing him around he lost his shit, grabbed her by her shirt and slammed her to the ground. Guess who immediately got an AVO? She left and has not had care of her kids since because of her anger but she still loves to tell everyone about how she was so scared of him when he finally lost it. In my opinion, if you can give it, expect it back.
This is so toxic. Your message to someone that was in a very serious dv incident is awful. This woman needs to stop this and leave and you’re telling her to just cop it and shut up and take the blame, it’s disgusting.
I'm saying don't do to others what you wouldn't like being done to you and if you want to get physical with someone don't cry when it comes back at you.
I didn't see this comment saying to accept it at all.
Guys, even if violence in a relationship goes both ways, isn't that even more reason why some kind of legally binding order such as a DVO should be in place?
I personally feel like this whole situation cannot continue to fly under the radar. This is how people end up dead...
Exactly!
It sounds like you both need DVOs against each other. Alternatively, you're broken up now. If you think that will be enough for both of you to stay away from each other, great. But if either of you are likely to keep this toxicity going, get mutual DVOs.
I mean, if someone threw a drink of me I probably would react the same way. How disgusting of you.
You're both toxic people together, walk away and don't look back.
So if someone threw a drink at you you would attempt to kill them. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being and need urgent help.
You’re fucking toxic, saying you’d respond to some liquid on you with attempted murder. You’re a fucking psycho
For what purpose?
Now that you're separated do you expect the violence to continue or was it situational in that it only ever happened when you were together, drinking and fighting?
Out of spite! Isn’t this why most women do it? After he finally hit back after being assaulted?
Out of spite! Isn’t this why most women do it? After he finally hit back after being assaulted?
Is his behaviour okay? No! Is your behaviour okay? No! You’re both as bad as one another and both need to keep away from each other! I pray you’re not parents and there are no children who witnessed this kind of behaviour. You have both committed FDV!
Sounds like you were both drunk and you acted aggressively first. He was way out of line and over the top but this is how it will be looked at. If you are both going your separate ways that's how I would keep it as some people are fine apart but toxic together. You both need to seek help in how to regulate. However, if you have just snapped after a long period of abuse. Please seek a DV counsellor to help you to navigate your next steps ❤
He had attacked you before and this time he tried to kill you. Any moron knows that strangulation can kill and that is what he did to you. You are in a long term domestic violence relationship. Go to the police. Press charges, get a DVO and get yourself some support. Throwing the drink was wrong. Sounds like reactive abuse which is common when you are in a relationship like this and feel like you are losingyiur sanity. It was still wrong and good on you for owing up to it. You need counselling and support straight away because reactive abuse is still abuse and shows that you have been mentally damaged by this relationship. Get help for it now so it doesn't poison your life.
Yes what you did was wrong. Make a part with yourself never to do that again. Also he physically attacked you, I would get a dvo if it was me.
Yes you should but I also think you need to work on your issues as you assaulted him too by throwing a drink on him. While that does not justify him choking you, you are both in the wrong and should seek anger management help.
Sounds like you are as toxic as each other! I wouldn’t bother with an order. Do both of you a favour and separate
Yes yes and yes. If police were notified they would have placed one regardless of if you wanted it or not. You have ended the relationship now, but the sorrys will come, along with the excuses of drinking and it won't happen again, but I will tell you now it will, and it won't stop. It needs to be recorded so there is historical evedence if he does this again to you or anyone else. I've had 2 dvos on my now ex husband both for good behaviour towards me, and it didn't stop. I've only now managed to get it varied so he cannot contact me or the kids or come near me. That was almost a year to the day that the second DVO was granted. You need this to protect yourself, DV is so real, and you are not the only one. Speak to a woman's centre or dv connect to talk it through with them. They will agree that there is a high risk for your safety.
OK so first of all I’m glad this relationship has ended and I hope you stay away and cut all contact. Don’t be the person that goes back to the toxic environment. Yes you should apply for a DVO but I would not brush over the fact that you added to the toxic situation. You say you own it but you need to sort yourself out because you will again find yourself in just another toxic relationship. Be strong and move on but this whole situation doesn’t just sound like all him. I just work on yourself and that’s all you can do.