I have two beautiful children and just found out I am pregnant. I am 40+ and although I am playing with the idea of what it would be like to have another baby, medically at the moment I cannot. I have a lot of issues I am slowly working through with specialists and I feel that having another baby could jeopardise my health and would be extremely selfish to hubby and our two beautiful children. Therefore, after much crying, and awful, awful guilt, I have decided to terminate. Has anyone ever had a medical termination? I am only 7 weeks. I never even knew this was an option and was looking into a surgical termination. Can I please have anyones experience with a medical termination? And if anyone has ever had to have both which is easier to cope with mentally? I just feel anxious as it’s all done at home and my children and husband will be around. Please be kind! X
12 Replies
I have had both. Personally I was more comfortable with the medical termination even though it's painful I could stay in the privacy of my own home and it was less traumatic for me than my surgical abortion. I had surgical done at hospital and it was just uncomfortable, having to face so many people when you don't really want to see anyone.
Thank you!! Yes the thought of having to deal with people is not what I really want right now.
I can’t help with advice on medical termination, i just wanted to say there are some on this site who do not believe in termination, they may pop up on your post, please don’t let them
Make you feel bad for the choice you are making for you, your health and your family.
I support you as little as that may mean, i am sending love and hugs and i wish you all the best. I hope you get the answers you need xxx
Thank you. That means a lot.
So glad you said that to the op, I absolutely agree ❤️
Sending love at this difficult time.
Your poor Mumma. How heartbreaking to have to go through this.All the best to you & your future health.
At home definitely less traumatic for a close friend of mine. Had surgical later on because there was something wrong and said at home wasn't as bad. Just tell kids you are unwell and steer clear. Get husband to care for you. Surgical with Covid means you are left alone with strangers in recovery 😞 It's already heartbreaking enough.
Hey, I was in the same position as you except 30. I fell pregnant on the pill. I had an extremely high risk last birth (10 months prior), I spent 10 days in ICU. After this I suffered a number of unrelated heath issues that impacted my daily life and mental health. I was so worried about the guilt, but I knew if I went ahead with it I was risking my life at birth and also my mental health as I was already not in a good space which would then in turn impact my parenting. My sister said to me ‘that was the most selfless act’. I never looked at it like that, I was riddled with guilt prior. I reflected on what she said after, and she was kind of right. I was playing with fire possibly dying and leaving my two children behind, or further impacting my health/ and mental health and not being able to parent any of them the best way I could. I choose a surgical procedure as I didn’t want to go through the motion with the tablet as my children would be home. I found out super early, and actually had to wait until I was 6 weeks (I think from memory) to have the surgical. It was very straight forward, and I had a lot of emotional support along the way with the medical staff. The moment they put me to sleep will stick with me forever, but to this day I know it was the right thing for my family at the time. I know this is so difficult, but whatever journey you take I wish you the best of luck. Thinking of you xxx
I had a medical termination a couple of years ago and being at home and comfortable made it a bit easier to deal with. I managed to be able to have my kids looked after for the couple of days and it was just me and my partner which also made things a bit easier - no having to explain to young kids why mum was in so much pain.
While physically it was over in a couple of days, emotionally I was more affected than I thought I would be. A few weeks later I found myself randomly bursting into tears and after talking through it with counsellor realised I was still experiencing grief. Highly recommend some kind of mental health support as well as it can be quite tough
All the best x
This was me last year, hugs hun, xxx
my hubby and I have 4 children, 22, 17, 14, and 6….(so you kinda get we don’t go by any timeline),
I went with Marie stopes, I’m in WA, so had to go to my gp and was referred on,
The f@$king hardest decision we’ve made as we’ve had miscarriages in between 2 of our kids and don’t take pregnancy for granted,
I was feeling beyond guilty, I’m early 40’s, hubby late 40’s,
It just wasn’t right at the time for various reasons, yes had to have an ultrasound to confirm, I was 5 weeks 3 days, broke my heart as someone who has experienced miscarriage pleading for a heart beat, I felt like a massive piece of shit,
I had the med pack sent to my house, and did it over a weekend my husband was home, it all went smoothly, I’ve had d&c ‘s etc, so I knew this could happened if it went pear shaped, but all was fine, I was in my own home and ensuite, best wishes xxx
I have had a medical termination. I had no pain not even a little bit of cramping. My body terminated the pregnancy before I took the second pill. But still took it anyway. Doing it at home was easier as I was able to process everything, mentally and physically in a space where I felt safe the most.
Huge hug hun!
I had a spontaneous miscarriage and had to take pills to complete the process then later on in life I had to terminate surgically due to several health problems. I wished I would have done the surgical during my first experience. I was so terrified and felt so upset that I took the medication and waited at home. It was the worst experience of my life. So traumatizing to be honest. Do not recommend anyone put themselves through that. Everyone’s experience is different but for me it was my first pregnancy and it just made things worse (I think) then they still had to sedate me mildly to do a “sweep” because my body didn’t expel everything. So taking the pills and waiting almost a whole other week was basically worthless. My friend had a better experience and preferred it over her surgical procedure but please know you do pass blood, clots and tissue which is something not many people are prepared to deal with.
The surgical experience I knew I couldn’t physically carry to term due to my health problems and my baby was not going to make it either way due to having complications. I decided to do surgical as it would be a one day process. I went in, took a mild oral sedative to help relax me and nurse put in an IV, then the procedure took about 15-20 minutes. I didn’t feel pain or discomfort and I was able to go home without worrying about discharge or anything like that which I was very worried about initially. They gave me pain meds and aftercare instructions but it was so much easier to deal with physically and mentally. I went through both experiences alone so not having someone there isn’t a barrier or shouldn’t be a barrier. My husband was called after my procedure so he could pick me up once I was ready. I only needed one pill and didn’t have any pain afterwards.
Whatever you decide, do what YOU feel is best for you. <3