Is anyone else unlucky in love? Or is it just me?
I met my daughters dad when I was in high school. We didn't start to actually date to I was 19, my first love. He was quite a mean man as time went on, so I left when I was pregnant and didn't look back. He is now engaged and has more kids.
I then started dating a guy a few years later. I wouldn't say I loved this man but we were together for a bit over a year. He is now engaged with a baby.
Few years later I then started to do internet dating. I was talking to a few men. Never felt like I was good enough being a full time single mum. The convos never went any where. 2 of the men I liked actually got together with 2 girls that are friends with my girlfriend. They are both single mothers.. and guess what?! They now have kids together, both of them. My girlfriends husband knows one of the men and they have all joined a group and now are best of friends.
I decided to move on from my town.
Got a job after my studies, my daughter is older. I love my life. Then I finally meet my second love. And man I loved him. I thought this is actually it, he lead me to believe it was to, talked about marrage, looked at celebrants. But he was a wolf is sheep's clothing. A terrible human to say the least.
So here I am. Sitting on my couch on a Sunday night with my dog and wondering when my turn will be. Its been 10 years of dead ends. But then I think I have actually 100% given up. I know I never will get that ring or wear that dress. Be told I'm loved. I know I'll never have my bed warm at night, or wake up to a kiss on the cheek and have coffee made for me. I just won't.
People say don't go looking he will come. But that's how I found my first 2 loves and look how that went.
Im trying to find a new purpose in life now, now that I know I will be on my own. It's rather sad and heart breaking. But I'm just so unlucky.
Every one I know on my Facebook (connections ive had on my mum journey) have all met men married and started a new family. But im just not.
I've been on 2 dates this year gave them a shot but there just wasn't that spark, we were going different directions.
I then have a one night stand and he was great I felt spark we laughed we had fun! But it was just that a one night stand even if I did want it to be more it just wasn't.
Im almost 30 I know im young, but the world is so different now. Everything is fair game.
4 Replies
I think you know the answer... fill your life up with so much joy. Find friendships, go out with them. Do not isolate and lock yourself away. Pour your energy into loving yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Once you learn to love you without someone, you develop an inner shine which attracts others. It took me a long time to figure out I needed to love or at least like me first. The men before my current partner just played on my insecurities. Once I loved me I put boundaries in place and refused to settle for jerks. I had to learn to enjoy being alone and create a life I was happy to share with someone worthy of sharing it. Not because I needed him to fill a space but because I wanted to share it with him.
Yep. Was with my kids dad from 17 until I was 32. Met a great guy a few months later, we got along like a house on fire and “dated” officially for a week before he ended it because he wanted kids of his own and I already have 6 and can’t have anymore. Fair call, we remained really good friends until he met his new partner then out of respect for her he ended the friendship (which I respect him for as much as it sucked). Next guy I dated, it was serious and he was great, he met my kids and everything…. turned out he was engaged with a baby at home. Third and last guy… everything I ever wanted and showed up when I wasn’t even looking. Talked for a few weeks before we went on our first date and it was an instant connection. I’d never felt as safe as I did the moment I first met him. Things were great for a few months, then just before Xmas he had a lot of crappy stuff happen in a short amount of time, all out of his control. But his mental health took a beating and he completely withdrew from everyone including me. I’d not hear anything from him for weeks, and when I did it was sporadic at best. It started affecting my mental health (triggers from my relationship with the kids dad), and it’s at the point now it feels more like a booty call situation when it suits him (which is rarely) than an actually relationship. I’ve communicated how I feel about it, and tried to encourage him to do the same which he has to an extent, but nothings really changed.
Men suck! Men are always the nicest to you if they haven't slept with you yet. Remember that and learn how to play the game more to your advantage. Hold out until he has proved himself to you. Work on yourself, inside and out. Would you date you? If not, start building your life up, work on your physical health your mental health, go see a therapist it's the best thing I e ever done for myself. Work on your mindset. Get some new fun hobbies. Start enjoying your life again. Noone will come along until you are happy with you. Good luck and wish you all the love that you truly do deserve.
I get it. I have a teenage son and have had a couple of long term relationships where I feel luke I've wasted half my life on these men. Now I'm 40 and have been with a man for 3 years and he even though he says he loves me soooo much, he isn't willing to commit to marriage. I feel like he is with me for the benefits of half the bills and someone to do housework etc.. but he says how much he loves me so I stay in case I'm wrong and he really means it!